How Many Days
by Xionin
Summary: NEW CHAPTER 61206! Sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance' postseason 7 series. BS
1. Fragile

**Title:** Fragile – (Chapter 1 of How Many Days)  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Thank you:** one terrific beta Pam for letting me bounce ideas off of you. ;]  
Feedback is good for my mental health. Don't make me beg!

Enjoy!

**=How Many Days=**

Prologue: During the final days in Sunnydale, Buffy and Spike revealed themselves to one another, embracing each other freely and without reserve. It was through their connection that the Slayer and her champion gained the strength to perservere over the First. Through that and a powerful spell by Willow, which created a sisterhood of Slayers, evil was vanquished; but the cost was high. Anya was lost to Xander, Spike was lost to Buffy and a number of young Slayers lost their lives. In channeling the energy of the Scythe and the powers of White Magic, Willow was physically transformed and left with abilities more powerful than any of them could have imagined. 

There were very few words on the trip leaving what was left of Sunnydale. When the bus reached LA, the surviving former-potentials were sent home to their families immediately with an open invitation to come to the London Motherhouse, once it was established. Formal training was not required, but rather strongly recommended; and no slayer was to take on any major event without back up from the newly reformed Council of Watchers. 

Giles spoke with Angel about taking Buffy out of California and helping her build a life for her and Dawn. He had been reluctant at first, until Wes suggested she could help Giles in training all of the new slayers; that having something to do would, once again, give her focus and purpose.

During the week that they stayed at the Hyperion, Buffy was withdrawn. She cried incessantly and the only person she responded to was Dawn. The sisters had an almost mystical connection that no one seemed to understand except for Willow. When Angel asked the Wicca, she declined to comment. Angel was disturbed by the Slayer's grief and wanted to comfort her, but the others advised him to let her come to terms with her loss on her own. They didn't understand that he was also grieving and for two people: for Spike, his grandchilde and for Buffy's loss. He also felt somewhat responsible for delivering the instrument of Spike's demise to them in the amulet and secretly wondered what the price had really been to Spike's soul and if he had been truly meant to wear it himself.

But Willow and Giles convinced him that they needed Buffy's assistance to rebuild the Council. Even though Buffy is one of many slayers, she is still the Chosen one and the strongest ever: _the_ Slayer. In the end, Angel acquiesced.

Xander decided to become a Watcher and stayed in L.A., with Faith and Wood, to research the best place to open the American Motherhouse. Andrew stayed as well, since he didn't have anywhere else to go. Angel gave him an entry-level position at Wolfram and Hart, with the stipulation that he keep an eye out for suspicious activity.

Kennedy decided that London was too far to follow Willow and she turned down the offer to work with Faith, instead deciding to go to Cleveland and set up a post on the suspected Hellmouth there. A few of the older slayerettes followed her.

On their last night in L.A., Angel held a farewell dinner for everyone. It was a somber occasion filled with memories of those they'd lost. Everyone attended…except for Buffy. Dawn surprised everyone by stealing some scotch from Wesley's private stash and getting "pissed". She was inconsolable in her anguish, mumbling something about a missing spark and injuring her arm in an awkward fall. Everyone noticed the gold of her eyes, but Willow assured them that it was the after-effect of being caught in the amulet's beam. She didn't want to alarm anyone. She wasn't sure if they were ready to know of what she suspected.

Fragile

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Perhaps this final act was meant  
To clinch a lifetime's argument  
That nothing comes from violence  
And nothing ever could.  
For all those born beneath an angry star  
Lest we forget how fragile we are. -Sting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles is happy that it's not raining. Not that the London climate ever really bothered him, but for  
some reason the sunshine makes him feel a bit better: not so dreary. He glances over his shoulder at Dawn.  
Her right arm in a soft cast, she's trying to maneuver herself through the tight turnstile after having  
been x-rayed for concealed contraband. Buffy has already passed through customs, with Willow close behind.  
With nothing to declare and not much to search, the group has had a surprisingly swift trip.  
  
As he looks through the glass walls of Gatwick airport's south terminal, Giles finally breathes a  
sigh of relief. Many people had been lost: Anya, Amanda and nearly Xander. They'd also lost Spike  
and, as much as he hates to admit it, that had been the hardest blow of all for Giles. Spike had sacrificed  
himself. True he hates to be wrong, but this goes well beyond that.  
  
He feels regret.  
  
Just thinking of what he had said to Buffy about the blonde vampire mere days before the final battle  
makes him physically ill. But he won't let the others know. Looking at Buffy nowhe just cannot bear to see the vacant stare in her eyes or the way she allows herself to be handled by Willow and Dawn as if she were an invalid. It's as if the life has been sucked out of her. And it has, hasn't it?  
  
The only word he'd heard her speak since Sunnydale came out of her mouth one week ago. When the bus  
rolled into L.A., Giles asked her again what had managed to destroy the hellmouth, all she whispered  
was Spike.  
  
_Spike._  
  
Come on Buffy, we're almost there. Willow leads the frail blonde to the waiting taxi. She gives Giles a  
look that makes his heart even heavier. Her white hair practically gleams in the bright sunshine. Her blue  
eyes are dark and sad, however, as she helps Buffy take baby steps to the car. Dawn sniffles as she  
gets in on the other side. She hasn't stopped crying since they left LA.  
  
After they've all settled in, the driver heads to Victoria station. There's one more leg of the  
journey, by train, to Giles' home. It is there that he will attempt to heal these three young women and coax  
them back into the world they saved. He knows the fresh country air and change in scenery will do wonders  
for Willow and Dawn. He doesn't know what it will take to bring back Buffyif anything.   
  
At the station, Giles settles the girls on a bench while he goes to purchase tickets for the train. He  
is retrieving his bill and thanking the clerk when a loud scream pierces the air. He spins around to find  
Willow and Dawn desperately trying to calm a thrashing Buffy. Her arms and legs are flying everywhere and Dawn is quickly thrown to the ground. He rushes over to them as Willow releases her and stands aside calmly. The air around her swirls and lifts her hair slightly from her shoulders. She mumbles something and Giles looks from her down to Buffy who is slouched on the floor.  
  
Not too far behind the group a young man with short, platinum blonde hair and a long black trench coat  
stares at them in mock horror. Bleedin' nutter. He snorts as he strolls past with a slightly familiar  
swagger. Giles stares after him and then he understands what has occurred. He looks to Willow  
who is smiling with her eyes closed as the air around her returns to normal.  
  
No one in the area could have noticed any change in her, only those with a trained eye or knowledge of  
what Willow really is. To a passerby, she just looks as if she's standing there. Giles, however, can see  
the tendrils of love stretching from her and wrapping themselves around Buffy, soothing and comforting  
her. Buffy is folded in upon herself.  
  
oh God tears stream down her blanched face as she rocks back and forth. She is  
off in her own world of grief and shock. Dawn carefully approaches her and places her good hand on  
her back, making slow circles.  
  
S'ok Buffy. Shhhhhh. S'ok Dawn's tears fall silently as she looks up, her eyes pleading with  
Giles.  
  
Our train isarriving now. I'vethe liberty of getting us a private cabin. He nervously  
avoids making eye contact with Buffy's shivering form. He is afraid that if he sees hertouches her he will  
collapse himself. Willow and Dawn guide Buffy to the train and they all embark without incident.   
  
The car itself is luxurious with spacious cabins that can accommodate 4 people easily. Once inside, Giles  
closes the curtains while Dawn and Willow instruct Buffy to lie down on one of the bunks. They cover  
her with blankets and she instantly falls into fitful sleep. Then they both join Giles in the sitting  
area.  
  
She's sleeping. Willow offers. Giles nods.

He wrings his hands and Willow covers them with hers. He looks up at her and she  
can see him breaking apart inside.  
  
she whispers. Giles lowers his head and begins to weep silently. Willow sits beside him and  
he leans into her as she rests her back against the wall. Giles' head is in her chest and Dawn's is on her  
shoulder. The three of them cry together for everything that they've been through, everything  
that they've lost and most of all for the broken woman sleeping nearby.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy loves the dreams. They're heaven to her.  
  
It's when she is awake that the nightmare begins.  
It's when she's awake that Spike is dead.  
It's when she's awake that the world's gone to  
hell for her.  
  
So she loves her dreams because everyone is safe and happy and Spike is there. She tells him she loves  
him. He tells her he knows. She smirkshe smiles...and they're so in love.  
  
So very much in love.  
  
In her dreams, he flees the crumbling school with her. They run together through the ruins of the  
disintegrating hallways towards the speeding bus that will take them to safety.   
  
In her dreams, she stays with him and they face the end together.   
  
In her dreams, they're just a guy and a girl, not a Slayer and a vampire, and they have 2.2 kids and a  
cat named Zachary.  
  
In her dreams, she is a loving person and never a cold, heartless bitch.  
  
This dream is different, though; but not unfamiliar. There is bright light, warm and inviting. It  
surrounds her, but she cannot see herself. She wants to look around, but there's nothing to see. There is  
only the light and the incredible feeling of being loved. She hears words, but not really. It's just  
somethingtelling her it's okay and I love you I love you I love you'.   
  
Always I love you.   
  
Buffy smiles in her sleep. The train jerks to a halt at a stop and it startles her awake. Her smile  
disappears as she opens her eyes and sees the wood grain of the cabin ceiling. The light is gone and it  
is replaced by the harshness of her reality.   
  
Spike. Dead.  
  
Spike is dead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giles wakes up to fingers caressing his temples. There is something soft and warm under his head.  
Willow. He is momentarily embarrassed at having fallen asleep in her lap, but his embarrassment subsides  
when he looks up and finds her looking at him. He is startled. Whenever he's away from her for any length  
of time and then comes back into her presence he is startled. Her transformation is unnerving and, well,  
exciting.   
  
Her hair is truly cloud white and her icy blue eyes such a contrast to the deep green they had once  
been. Willow smiles down at him. He nervously adjusts his glasses as he sits up. He is surprised not to see  
Dawn there with them.  
  
She went to Buffy. Willow's expression doesn't change, but she lowers her eyes to her lap, sensing  
his discomfort.  
  
How is she? Any change? Giles find it hard to contain his enchanment with Willow's newstatus. The  
Wicca closes her eyes and scans Buffy's soul.  
  
No. She's hanging on by a thread. She says slowly opening her eyes. Willow is careful to use a  
moderate voice.  
  
Since her change, she's found it difficult to gauge what is loud and what is soft. The first night at  
the Hyperion, she'd shattered three of Angel's windows just by asking for honey in her tea. Fortunately,  
the Council left an impressive bank account. And since Giles is one of two remaning Watchers, it mostly falls  
to him.  
  
Giles frowns at her response, although he really hadn't expected anything else.  
  
She'll be fine, Rupert. Give her time. A lot of time and love and friendship. She'll be okay. Something  
about Willow's voice reassures him and Giles pats her on the leg absentmindedly in appreciation.  
  
Right. Of course. He opens the curtains to find a bright gray afternoon rushing by on the emerald  
green of the English countryside. We're nearly there. He turns to Willow who is smiling at him. She rises and  
places her hand on his back.

Don't blame yourself for anything, Ru. You did everything you were supposed to do. The warmth  
from her fingers sends a current of electricity through his limbs. He reluctantly pulls himself from her and  
heads to the sleeping area. Willow leans her forehead on the window.  
  
**I must not do things like that.** She chides herself.   
**I'm giving myself the wiggins.**   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A car is waiting for them when they disembark from the train. Dawn and Willow once again guide a shaky  
Buffy to the back seat, one girl sliding in on either side of her. Giles sits in front with the driver.  
Surprisingly, Buffy watches the landscape, rather than closing her eyes or staring at the floor. Dawn  
watches only Buffy, reacting to every movement of her face or body.  
  
You ok, Buff? Need anything? Are you hungry? Giles, I think Buffy is hungry. Don't worry Buffy, I'll  
take care of you. She brushes a stray hair from her sister's face. Dawn blames herself for giving Buffy  
the letter from Spike. It was after hearing the words he'd written that she'd become truly distraught,  
blaming herself for every wrong thing that occurred between them when he was alive (or undead.) 

Unexpectedly, Buffy turns and looks at her young sister.  
  
Dawn's gold-flecked eyes widen with surprise.   
  
Buffy's voice is rough from disuse. I love you.  
  
At those words, the younger Summers crumbles into tears and she clutches Buffy to her with her one  
arm. Buffy slowly wraps her arms around Dawn and rocks her gently, kissing her hair. Willow embraces the  
battered sisters and smiles when she feels Buffy's hand land on her leg and give it a squeeze. She locks her eyes with a bewildered Giles as he stares at the three women.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The house is old and very English. A simple but tasteful two up, one down that screams 'Giles'.  
  
Willow had almost forgotten how many books he has. Of course the library is in a shambles from the Bringer  
attack, but the rest of the house is surprisingly intact. Mrs. Whitcomb scrambles to the foyer from  
the kitchen when she hears the door.  
  
Oh dear! You're early, Mr. Giles. I've only just arrived! She scolds him, but softens her tone when  
she sees the state of the group. She zeroes in on Buffy immediately. deary. You come with me and  
I'll fix you a proper bath.  
  
As she leads Buffy up the steps, she glances over her shoulder catching Giles' eyes. He nods and she  
returns it. Dawn follows them up the steps. Willow and Giles head straight to the kitchen.  
  
I'd love some. She says before he can speak. Giles' mouth drops open and he shakes his head.  
  
You know, Willow they enter the kitchen. You really shouldrefrain from doing that.  
  
Willow merely smiles at him though, as she sits at the breakfast table. He finds it nearly impossible not to look at her, finding her quite striking. He wishes he had the energy to do a little research on her transformation. It would have to wait though. He is exhausted and just wants a cup of tea and a long, long rest. Fortunately he's home, now, and time is plentiful.

TBC Chapter 2: Sister Moon


	2. Sister Moon

**Title:** Sister Moon– (Chapter 2 of How Many Days)  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Thanks:** Pam Grace, my wonderful beta.  
**Feedback:** I don't wanna beg, but...  
Lia - Thanks again for your kind words. I hope you enjoy the ride.  
Wolf116 - I can't promise that there won't be tears ahead, but I can promise that they'll be worth it.  


Enjoy!  
~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Sister Moon will be my guide  
In your blue, blue shadows I would hide  
All good people asleep tonight  
I'm all by myself in your silver light  
I would gaze at your face the whole night through  
I'd go out of my mind, but for you. -Sting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Sister Moon

The telephone rings at precisely 8AM, and without thinking twice, Giles knows who it is.

"Hello Richard."

"Rupert." The voice on the other end chuckles lightly. "Am I so predictable?"

"Rather." Giles' voice is amused as well.

Richard Ostriak is an old friend; brilliant, witty and the only other Watcher to survive the devastation.  
He had been conducting some personal research in Hungary when the Council was destroyed.  
The Motherhouse, having no record of where he was or where he was staying, fortunately could not lead the  
Bringers to him. This also meant that he had no knowledge of what had befallen his colleagues  
until he returned to find a hole in the ground where his home had once been.

Both he and Giles believed themselves to be the last until they'd both checked the voicemail number in Jamaica that  
had been set-up for worst-case-scenario, emergency contact. It would be difficult to explain the relief both men felt  
at hearing the other's frantic message.

"Glad to be back home, ol' boy. Are you- or rather is the-"

"Yes, Richard, Miss Summers is here, if that's what you're asking."

"Of course, beg pardon. Didn't mean to…I just wanted-"

"You will see her, but she's not ready for your..y-your _interrogation_. Not just yet. She's- still adjusting to life here in  
London and…n-needs time to-"

"Oh yes! Of course, but soon…I hope?"

"We'll see, Richard. We'll see."

To say that Richard Ostriak is obsessed with slayers, particularly Buffy Summers, would be an understatement.  
In fact, when the decision was made to assign a replacement for Merrick, it had come down to two choices,  
Rupert Giles and Richard Ostriak: the two most-promising, most experienced Watchers in the Council's active roster.  
Giles had been chosen, ironically enough, because he was the more disciplined of the two. Richard had the reputation  
of thinking outside the box, so to speak, which was greatly frowned upon. Rupert, on the other hand, had embraced  
the Council's doctrine with fervor, after having been reprimanded and demoted following his 'Ripper' phase.

It was during that 'phase' that Giles, Ostriak and Giles' childhood friend, Ethan Rayne, had banded together to rival   
the Council who were "a bunch of stuffy old aristocrats." They would be a real-world fighting force.

The three of them used the black arts to unleash a reign of terror on the demon world that would have put the Inquisition  
to shame. They operated on the belief that real men didn't need slayers to be effective. After all, they were strong. Powerful.  
Men could handle such evils better than any woman. They suspected that the slayer's power was mostly myth and were determined  
to change the rules of the game.

Ah, to be young and stupid.

The trio operated quite well together until one of them, Rayne, began entertaining delusions of grandeur and  
plotted to take over the Council altogether. By the time Rupert and Richard found out about his plan, it was almost too  
late to stop him. But stop him they did and were rewarded with reinstatement and a chance to make up for their transgressions.

Moving back into the fold proved far easier for Giles than it did for Ostriak. Richard constantly insisted on bending the rules and  
therefore always found himself on farfetched research assignments. It was through these assignments, however, that his  
indifference towards slayers turned into intense interest and later into an obsession.

By playing by the rules, Giles proved himself worthy of the greatest assignment of all: his own Slayer. And it wasn't just any  
slayer either, he was sent to guard the Hellmouth. When Richard learned of Rupert's new assignment, he felt a combination of  
jealousy and pride. He was glad that one of them had been given the honor, but resentful that it hadn't been him.

"I was, er, hoping to come see the new Motherhouse as soon as possible." Richard continued. "I understand if you don't want me  
to meet…_her_…right away, but we really must discuss what our next course of action should be."

"No, you're right. Please do come. Buffy…I cannot guarantee she'll be up for…company…but-"

"Oh, that's fine, Rupes. Really. Colin and I will come up-"

"Colin?"

"Oh, yes…he's…Colin James. He's Robert James' eldest boy. Do you remember Robert?"  
Robert James had been the Council's premiere demon linguist. The man spoke nearly 80 languages with complete fluency.  
He had been in the Council's headquarters when they were destroyed.

"Ah. James, yes, well the last time I saw young Colin he was, er, about twelve years old."

"Well, he's quite a young fellow now, Rupes. He's twenty and in University. A linguist he is, and I dare say he has nearly  
surpassed ol' Jamesey's abilities."

"Well, fine, yes. Bring him along. When are you coming?"

"This afternoon, if it's alright with you, of course."

"Quite."

"Splendid."

Giles hangs up the phone, smiling, and makes an attempt to go back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

The one thing that Dawn notices more and more every day is that it's cold.  
London actually has a winter.

And even though they hadn't had a white Christmas, as she'd hoped, it was still  
nice to have to bundle up and dash through the chilly, festive air; not having to look at  
palm trees strung up with lights. To her, there was always something vaguely obscene about that.

She pulls up the collar on her stylish new coat, one that she bought in Top Shop  
having bypassed the ridiculously over-priced Urban Outfitters, and pushes open the door.  
A crisp breeze seizes her immediately and the pedestrian traffic flows lightly along the High street in Kensington.  
She had stopped into Primetime to return a couple of videos she had rented. It had taken all of her  
will not to walk out with another armful, but she did and she is smiling.

Giles will be proud that she isn't "wasting away precious hours in front of the idiot box."

Of course, she _is_ walking a few doors over to the Catherine Wheel to meet a few friends for a pint.  
It is her 18th birthday, though, and so she has an excuse to play hooky from her studies. Hopefully this birthday  
won't go the way of the last one she had; unnoticed due to pending end-of-the-worldness.

The pub is dark and brimming with conversation when Dawn steps through the door. She pauses a  
a moment to allow her eyes to adjust, and then spots the table where her new friends are sitting:  
chatting and drinking away in the middle of the afternoon.

"Dawn!" comes the cheers from the small group, causing the eyes of wary patrons to pause and look at her.  
She smiles sheepishly and meanders over to the crowded booth, preparing for a little pre-not-so-surprise birthday party merriment.  
Yeah, she knows what Buffy and Willow are planning, but she doesn't want to ruin it for them.

Several pair of eyes, mostly male, follow her path. She finds, these days, that people look at her a lot more than they used to.  
Perhaps it's the long, chocolate brown hair, with the unusually blonde highlights, that gleams down her back like fine silk.  
Or maybe it's her stunning, model-worthy height she's acquired over the last 8 months. 5'11"...and growing.

Or it could be the perpetual smile she sports nowadays, being so far removed from the Hellmouth and all matter of near-apocalypses.

Whatever the cause, it doesn't bother her. She is no longer awkward with herself and now glides through crowds with a  
grace that amazes even her. She's all grown up now.

And aside from some occasional...unpleasantness...things are relatively normal. Well, as normal as things can get  
when your sister's a slayer, your surrogate father's a watcher, your 'aunt' figure is one of the most powerful beings on Earth  
and you spend your days studying ancient Sumerian and several demon languages; all to thwart the evil in the world.

At least her tutor is a total hottie.

Things have settled into a routine, since Dawn and the others came to London. The Council is rebuilt and the new  
Motherhouse is bursting at the seams with new members. Giles has slipped into the role of leader with surprising ease,  
although Dawn secretly suspects he is a little uncomfortable with it. Willow continues to astonish everyone with  
her amazing gifts. One of Dawn's friends, upon meeting the witch, almost insisted that she agree to be the model for  
a comic book superheroine he was working on.

She politely declined and then, unbeknownst to anyone, wiped the memory of their meeting from his mind.

And Buffy, well, Buffy has come a long way since that first week in Los Angeles. Once they settled into Giles' home  
in the country, she seemed to come back to herself. Dawn spent many nights in front of the roaring fire talking with her  
sister about life, death, the future...everything, really. They grew incredibly close in a short amount of time.

Of course, there have been quite a few terryfing and confusing moments over the course of the year that nearly ripped them apart.

The 'glowing', as they've come to call it, has not ceased. Dawn awakes sometimes in the middle of the day, as if from a dream,  
to find that she is in a strange place. She'll look around, in a panic usually, and then burst into tears. She hates not  
having control of herself during these episodes.

After the first few incidents, Giles had insisted she wear a homing device on her wrist...just in case.  
She wanted to yell at him and tell him she wasn't some bloody toddler wandering off from her parents.  
But the idea had been somewhat comforting, so she'd given in; finding, on more than one occasion,  
that she was eternally grateful fo having it. Mostly for Buffy's sake, as she worries so much;  
terrified of losing her. She's lost so much already.

And then there are the arguments with Buffy that come out of nowhere.

_"Buffy...look, you're all skin and bones! you have got to eat something!"_

_"Dawn, I'm fine. I'll eat when I get hungry. I don't need you to mother me."_

_"Oh you bloody well do, Slayer. You were never one to look after yourself. Always putting  
everyone else's needs before your own. Sod it all, you need to look after yourself!"_

_"Dawn, geez, calm down-"_

_"Don't you tell me to calm down! I see how you are, nothing's changed. You're wasting away  
and for what? You've got to live, pet, so one of us is bloody well living!"_

Of course, that was a shocking conversation in a long line of shocking conversations to come.  
Buffy had immediately dissolved into a weeping puddle on the floor as Dawn clapped her  
hand over her mouth in horror. Everyone else could only stare at her yellowing eyes. 

Willow is still trying to make them believe that the whole thing is caused by some sort of transference that  
occurred when the amulet's beam hit her, but Dawn isn't buying that theory completely. As much  
as she loves and misses Spike, the rage and sorrow and...well, quite frankly...somewhat disconcerting  
feelings towards her sister have to stop. And soon, if she's to keep any semblance of normality.

Dawn doesn't delude herself that Buffy's pain has lessened any. She's no fool. Although her sister has become a master  
of disguising her inner grief with bright smiles and pleasantries, Dawn can see right through the facade.  
Sometimes she catches Buffy looking at her as if she isn't seeing her at all, but rather, _inside_ her. And she  
can feel her pain as if it were her own; feel her loss and the incredible sorrow that accompanies it.

Dawn squeezes into the booth and orders a pint of Gaymer's cider. She grins inanely when the waitress asks  
for her ID.

"Oh, happy birthday, luv. This one'll be on me, alright deary?"

"Thank you! How nice." Perhaps it'll be a good birthday after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

"Cake ordered?"

"Check."

"Gifts hidden away?"

"Nice and hidden, yep."

"Guests confirmed?"

"Yup, 15 or so. Even her tutor. Y'know-" Willow pauses to tie the end of the balloon she is inflating.  
"I think she has a little crush on him."

"Really?" Buffy smiles brightly. "Oh, that would be so nice for her. What's his name?"

Willow scrunches up her face. "Ummm...Carl? I dunno. Can't remember, sorry."

"That's ok. I'll meet him at the party." Buffy inspects the handmade birthday banner with a small amount  
of pride. "You don't think she suspects anything do you? I mean, we were careful not to let the party plans  
slip out, right?"

"She didn't get any info out of me." Willow places the balloon into a large bag with other balloons ready for the  
'surprise' part of the surprise party for Dawn.

"Well, me neither. And Giles is pretty good at keeping secrets, so I think we're safe." Buffy smiles and  
sits down next to Willow. "Thanks for helping, Will. I really want this to be special for her."

"It will be, Buffy. I think it's a great idea." Willow places her arm across her friend's shoulders and gives her a squeeze.  
"She's got the bestest sister in the world."

"Nah." Buffy blushes. "She's been the good one. I don't know what I would've done without her these last few  
months, Will. She's...she's been my guide." She laughs lightly. "How strange is that? I'm the older one, but  
I'm the one leaning on her for support. It isn't right." She frowns suddenly, overcome with the guilt that has  
plagued her about Dawn.

"Buffy," Willow takes her hands. "Dawn...is in a position to help you that none of us are and she understands that.  
She would do anything for you. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do, but this is...wrong...somehow, Willow. I mean..." She stands up and wraps her arms about herself.  
"She's a teenager, she shouldn't have to play therapist to me."

"Again, I say she wouldn't have it any other way. And you're kidding yourself if you think she's a normal teenager."

"I know, I know...the key."

"I wasn't talking about the key."

"Oh..." Buffy lets the _other_ thought hang in the air. She doesn't want to think if Dawn's "channeling" or whatever.  
She hopes that they can get through the party without a hitch. She just wants to give her sister a good, old-fashioned  
birthday, complete with cake and- "Did we get the ice cream?"

"Whoops. No. Want me to run over to Sainsbury's and get some?" Willow stands and reaches for her car keys.

"Would you? Oh thanks,you're a godsend. What would I do without you?"

Willow shrugs. "Uh, eat dry cake?" They both laugh as Willow heads out.

TBC Chapter 3: Nothing Like the Sun [coming soon, I promise!]


	3. Nothing Like the Sun

**Title:** Nothing Like the Sun – (Chapter 3 of How Many Days)**  
Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback**: is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com) Lia, Wolf116, Qwerty, Ranaslayer, Caroline, Kat and Mar ala...wow, you guys. Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope the story doesn't disappoint. It's going to be a wild ride!  
**Thank you:** Pam and Maribel: my wonderful betas. I'd be lost without you!  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Nothing Like the Sun

There's a lot to celebrate today: the new Motherhouse is complete and resplendent; the Council itself is operational once again with Giles at the helm; Dawn has done well on her A-levels and has her pick of schools and Buffy has slowly been rejoining the world of the living after spending many months holed up in her room or burying herself in work in an attempt to get past her loss.

The biggest cause for celebration, however, is the younger Summers' 18th birthday. Her 17th had passed by unnoticed during what everyone now lovingly refers to as 'Hell year'. Buffy and Willow resolve to give Dawn the best birthday ever and throw her a huge bash.

A few of her new friends from the shop on Upper Street where she works have been invited, along with a few of her friends from school and her tutor. The party preparations are well underway as Giles makes his way through the estate to the library. He isn't surprised to find Richard waiting for him, one minute early.

"Rupes! How are you, ol' boy?" They shake hands vigorously, with huge smiles, as Colin James stands with his mentor to meet the infamous Rupert Giles.

-----------------------------

Colin, arriving with Richard a few minutes prior, had been anxious to finally come face to face with the Ripper. Stories of his adventures had been a staple at family dinners and he wanted to hear first-hand accounts of some of the more far-fetched ones. He smiled shyly, however, when a petite blonde woman answered the door, immediately warming as he saw something familiar in her that he couldn't place. Richard had simply asked for Giles, not paying the young woman any attention. She just smiled brightly at the handsome young man who was apologizing with his eyes for his mentor's curt manner.

He had jet-black hair that fell in soft waves on the top of his head and tapered off at the nape of his neck. His clear, chestnut brown eyes smiled at her as he looked down from his, slim 6-foot frame. She looked back at the older man.

"You must be Mr. Ostriak." She bade them to enter. "Giles will meet you in the library. It's just through there."

"Thank you, miss..." Colin prompted her for her name, but it went unnoticed.

"No problem." She smiled over her shoulder as she walked away and back to her tasks.

-----------------------------

"I've heard a lot about you from Richard, here. Your father was Robert James?" Colin sits opposite Giles in a comfortable leather chair.

"Yes sir." Colin feels the blush of pride rising to his cheeks as Giles speaks very highly of his father; respect and admiration for the man evident in his tone and words. Soon the subject turns from the James family and towards Council matters. Colin feels somewhat uneasy as the two Watchers dance around the matter in front of him. "Excuse me, Mr. Giles-"

"Er...just Giles, is fine." The Watcher smiles.

"Giles." Colin stands graciously. "Would you mind? I'd like to offer my hand to the young lady in preparing for the gathering."

"You know about the party?" Giles frowns a little in confusion.

"Well, I saw the balloons and what not in the parlor."

"Oh, of course. Yes...it's a birthday party for one of the, er, residents." Giles looks at Richard and then back to Colin. "Who answered the door?" Colin smiles.

"A rather striking blonde, small but...very pretty. American. Who is she?"

"Buffy." Giles turns to watch the realization that he had already met the Slayer dawn on Richard's face. It is a sight to behold.

"_That_?" He begins to choke and Colin stands over him in concern. He waves his hand and lowers his voice, trying to contain his surprise and excitement. "Rupert, are you telling me th-th-that she, or rather, the girl..." Giles begins to laugh, even more so when he catches the confounded expression on Colin's face.

"Yes, Richard, that was Buffy Summers. The Slayer."

"Slayer?" Colin's eyes widen as does his mouth. Giles merely smiles at the two men.

"Yes, Colin. Buffy is...or was...well, I suppose she still _is_...the Chosen one: Guardian of the Hellmouth for over 7 years, until it was...er...destroyed." He lifts a small cup of tea and takes a sip, waiting for the reactions.

"My _lord_." Richard is shaking his head. "I cannot believe..I mean, I barely looked at her!" He feels a little disappointed at not having recognized her. True, he's never met her before nor has he seen any pictures. But he's had this notion that, when he did meet her he would just _know, _somehow, that it was her.

"She's...so diminutive. Just a slip of a thing, really." Colin's voice is hushed. His mind is reaching back the ten minutes or so to his meeting with her, wondering if she gave off any clues as to the power her small frame contains. As far as he could remember, she hadn't, but he still felt some...familiarity with her.

"Yes, well, don't be fooled by her stature, young man." Giles removes his glasses and cleans them thoughtlessly. "She's quite powerful."

"The strongest, fastest, most adept..." Richard's litany of praise trails off as he feels the other eyes on him. He clears his throat and smiles uneasily. "I would very much like to meet with her properly, Rupert."

"Of course." Giles responds. Richard's face beams with a bright smile. "But not tonight." He adds. "Tonight is Dawn's birthday party and I-"

"Dawn?" Colin's face once again takes on another look of confusion. "Dawn...Summers?" Giles tilts his head and nods affirmatively.

"Yes, Buffy's sister."

"Dawn...Summers...Buffy's sister, Dawn. The Slayer's sister." Colin's face pales and both Richard and Rupert look at him questioningly.

"Is something wrong Colin?" Richard turns fully to the young man towering over him.

"I, well, you see-" A small smile graces his lips. Dawn Summers, sister of the Slayer. Birthday party. He feels incredibly silly for not having looked at the address of the Motherhouse. Surely it matches the one on his party invitation.

-----------------------------

"So..." Buffy stands on a small step stool opposite the archway from Colin. "Your dad was a big time Watcher?" She is still reeling from the news that the world is so small that her sister's tutor is actually connected to their crazy little part of it.

"Yes, miss. He-he was...f-for many years, until..." He trails off, grateful for not having to repeat the unfortunate details of his father's death at the hand of the Bringers. Now that he is aware of who Buffy Summers is, his intimidation at being around her is only surpassed by his admiration for her: the Chosen one. Talking with her, watching her, he understands the familarity he felt when she'd opened the door. It is Dawn's sister. And he knows everything he can possibly know about his incredibly beautiful pupil. Well, everything except a few small details. Sister is a Slayer. Lives with Watchers. Small details. Details that they hold somewhat in common.

But in the hours he spends with her at the library or in their other favorite study spot, the Bronte Cafe, he's had a chance to study Dawn in all of her innocent beauty. He knows how she has a tendency to chew pencil ends when she's concentrating. He knows that she smells like strawberries all the time, and often wonders how she manages it. He knows that she moved to England a short time ago, but has embraced it with all the fire that only an American girl could muster.

He knows that he could fall in love with her, if he hasn't already.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Buffy's face becomes incredibly sad.

"No, it's okay. Really." He says with a small smile. "Think nothing of it. My father was a good man. I'm very proud and hope one day to follow in his footsteps, after University." They each secure their end of the banner to the top of the archway.

'Happy Birthday Dawn!' it reads.

"Yeah, I've heard Dawn say that you've a real talent for languages. I'm so grateful that you've been able to tutor her in school." She steps off the stool and leads him into the parlor where balloons and streamers had been set up for the occasion. The decor is a little infantile, but Buffy isn't quite ready to let go of the notion of her sister as a young girl rather than a young woman. "Dawn is great with languages too, isn't she?" She beams, noting the eagerness in the boy's face at the mention of her sister.

"Oh yes! Quite." He flashes a brilliant smile and then blushes at having revealed the depth of his affection for the young lady. "I..er...mean..." He shifts nervously.

"So...Dawn doesn't know that...uh...you know?" Buffy stares at him so intently that he find it hard to meet her eyes.

"No, I mean, I had no idea. We've never talked about family. Not really. I didn't even know she had a sister, until recently...And of course, slaying is not the sort of thing one brings up in casual conversation."

"Oh. Right." Buffy hides her disappointment that Dawn hadn't spoken of her very much. She does understand, though; Dawn's need to establish a life outside of being the sister of the Slayer. Still, it stings a bit. "Well...thanks for your help."

"Is there anything else I can do?" As he asks the question, the doorbell rang. "Get the door?"

"Oh could you?" Buffy's smile returns. "If you could let people in, Willow and I can finish up in the other rooms."

"Of course." He smiles graciously and offers a tiny bow. Buffy grins and bounces on her heels, turning away towards the kitchen. She likes him for Dawn. A lot.

As guests arrive, Colin makes himself useful by answering the door and taking coats and jackets into the study. Buffy and Willow smile at how helpful he is. Perhaps he does it to gain favor with the older sister and guardian, but they agree that it seems like more.

"Colin!" An amiable fellow with a shock of red hair comes striding into the foyer with a bottle of Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon in one hand and slightly worn tweed cap in the other. "What the devil are you doing here?"

"Sean. Very good to see you again." Colin deadpans as he extends his hand in greeting. 

Sean Hildebrandt is a pompous ass: plain and simple. He'd been the darling of Colin's Secondary school, using his skills as a football player to win favor with the fairer sex. His reputation as a cad precedes him, and yet he's always managed to get the girl. Colin is none-too-pleased to see him invited to Dawn's private party. "I could ask you the same."

"Well I couldn't miss a party at the new Mum, now could I? Besides..." Sean lowers his voice in a mock-whisper. "The guest of honor is quite the little dish. Have you seen 'er?" Colin bites back the comment that begged to trip from his tongue and instead he simply smiles. Sean's attention is stolen away by other new arrivals as they spill through the door. Colin slips into the study for a calming breath. **Wanker. **Closing the door behind him, he lets his anger out in a growl and spins around only to run right into Dawn.

"Oh!"

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Dawn feels the panic rising as she whispers. What is her tutor doing here? How much would he find out about her weird-o life of Vamps and Witches?

"I-I'm here because...er...because..." **Bugger.** He doesn't want to ruin the whole thing and brass off any of her family.

"Not for the party, are you?" She lowers her voice even more.

"You...you _know_ about the party?" Colin's discomfort at ruining the surprise quickly dissipates.

"Oops...busted." Dawn blushes prettily and Colin finds that he could only stare. "Please don't tell my sister you saw me, it'll ruin everything."

"O-o-of course not...I would never...I mean..." He gazes into her blue eyes and then searches lower until his eyes land on her lips. He mentally chastises himself and looks away. His stammering halts Dawn's trepidation at being caught snooping around her own surprise party. She wonders why he's acting so nervous suddenly; secretly hoping she is the cause.

"What're you doing in here anyway?" She arches her eyebrows and studies his reaction. Colin, at a loss for what to say, turns to her open-mouthed for more than a few moments before he blurts out-

"Coats!" He exhales loudly. One of Dawn's eyebrows drops as she becomes confused by his answer.

"Y-yes, um...I came...to...to...check-on-the coats." He holds his breath praying that she will accept that as an answer. Dawn considers him for a few seconds before an idea hits her.

"You were gonna snoop around, weren't you?" She crosses her arms and taps her foot impatiently. She's suspected his attraction to her since the day they met and the feeling is more than mutual. He has been the closest thing to a friend she's made since moving to London. Her one regret so far is that they never spend anytime alone...away from school and studying. They are always with someone else, be it with other students or with other tutors or teachers, doing research or translation. She decides to toy with him a bit. It is Colin's turn to be confused.

"I'm sorry?"

"You came in here to, what, go through the desk drawers or something? Is that why you closed the door behind you?"

"Good lord no!" He is offended by her accusation and suddenly feels very uncomfortable. "I told you, I just..."

"You're checking." He nods. "On the coats." He nods again, his eyes wide with anxiety. "Ok. Can I say lame?" His shoulders drop. Dawn uncrosses her arms. "What are you really doing in here?"

Colin rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. "Fine. Fine, I was trying to avoid someone...unpleasant." He glances up at her and she has a strange smirk on her face.

"That's better."

"Sorry?"

"That's a better excuse." She smiles.

"Dawn, that wasn't an excuse, it was the truth." He frowns, a little annoyed.

"Then why didn't you say so in the first place?" Her smile widens into a wicked grin as he flounders for words.

"I-" Oh bollocks. Caught.

"You?" She raises her eyebrows expectantly, drawing out the word.

"I-was...a bit nervous. You...have that affect on me." He bites his lower lip and lowers his gaze, afraid that at any moment she will burst out laughing, which she does. He shuts his eyes, prepared to slink into the nearest corner, when the strangest thing happens: Dawn steps into him and her voice takes on a completely different timbre.

"I make you nervous, luv?" She whispers. Colin's eyes shoot open at her proximity and the hot breath he feels across his lips. When his eyes rest in hers he gasps. Her soothing blue is replaced with glimmering gold. Nothing like the sun, it's something more primal; hotter. He moves to step back but her arm darts out and her hand curls around the back of his neck, her fingers idly playing with the short hairs they find there. When her other hand comes to rest on his chest, he freezes. Her touch is making him drowsy with desire.

"D-dawn?" Are all American girls this aggressive, he wonders? He certainly hadn't gotten the impression that Dawn was so...forward, then again he'd only been around her when they had work to do. This boldness makes him somewhat uneasy, but he is immediately aroused. And her eyes-

"Do I...Colin?" They dance over his face with a look he hasn't seen directed towards him before. It is pure, unadulterated lust and it grips him hard in the chest. Her tongue runs along on the edge of her teeth and he closes his eyes again, fighting the desire to grab her and kiss her. If she is toying with him, it would be a poor show of it for him to give in so quickly. Perhaps it's just a test. These thoughts are going through his head when she speaks again.

"Do I...frighten you?" She brings one dainty hand to his mouth and runs the soft pad of her finger across his bottom lip. He shudders. "Hmmm?" She goes up on her toes and playfully nips the same lip with her own, her eyes savoring the torment in his face.

"Dawn" he breathes. "I-I don't think this...we..." He fights for control over his hormones and over his body. It isn't until her mouth lands on his, tongue darting out in the least innocent of kisses, that he loses the battle and wraps his arms around her, kissing her fervently.

She is hungry, kneading his back and gnawing at him, causing him to groan. He buries his fingers in her hair and loses himself in her mouth. It's hot and sweet like fresh milk. Somewhere in the midst of the heat, he hears a whimper. Suddenly, Dawn breaks off the kiss and pushes him away. His eyes snap open to find her gasping for air and holding her hand to her mouth in horror. Her eyes are wide and she is shaking like a leaf in a storm.

"Dawn?" He is frozen in terror. **Oh god, what have I done?**

"You w-were...how did we?" She looks around the room for answers. "I remember talking...kidding you about being here and...oh my god what happened?" Colin watches the gold of her eyes flicker and fade as she regains herself.

"Dawn," he cleared his throat. "Why don't you have a sit down and I'll go get your sister."

"No! No...she'll know, let's...I just." She closes her eyes and swallows. "I'll sneak back upstairs and we won't mention this again...tonight, ok?" Colin regards her with alarm, but she cuts off his protest. "Listen, something freaky just happened and we'll deal with it, we always do around here. My sister worked so hard on this party, I can't ruin it for her. Promise me you won't say anything about this tonight?" She holds her breath for his answer. He studies her for a few moments before he slowly nods. She sighs in relief, mouthing a 'thank you' and turns to go.

"Dawn?" The sound of his voice stops her and she reluctantly turns to him, awaiting a brush off and a quick exit for being weirdo-girl. Instead, he walks slowly towards her, the awkwardness melting, replaced by a new confidence.

"One: it's been a dream of mine, for a while now, to kiss you and now that I have, I want more." Her jaw drops open. "I don't know what possessed you to do that, but my only complaint is that you obviously weren't yourself. When we find out why and we fix whatever it is, I want the chance to kiss the real you." She blushes at his assuredness and smiles, her eyes narrowng in admiration and confusion. **Who are you?**

"And?" She says softly.

"Two," he continues. "Tonight is for you and your sister. You're very important to her, obviously, and she to you and I think it's marvelous that she's doing this for you and that you're allowing her. But-" He steps a little closer to her and brushes the back of his fingers down her cheek, his tone intimate. "I want to do something for you too. May I...may I take you to dinner? To celebrate properly?"

"Are you asking me...on...a date?" Her eyes widen in amazement.

"Yes, I am, if you'll do me the honor." He smiles gently and anxiously awaits her answer. At 20 years old, he is astonished to find that he hangs on every word and gesture of this young woman; on every flutter of her luxurious eyelashes. Dawn grins and bites her lip.

"I'd love to," she says, barely audibly. He smiles and exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding, laughing a little at his own apprehension. "And thanks again...for not...telling anyone just yet." He nods and she turns and goes up the back staircase leading out of the study.

Colin runs his fingers through his hair and smiles. "Blimey."

-----------------------------

The day after the party, and Dawn sits down to tell her sister of what had happened, Buffy is distressed. She calls Willow and Giles into the study and makes her sister recount each detail of the event.

Willow takes Dawn's hands into her own and closes her eyes to scan for anything amiss. Nothing presents itself that hasn't been there since the day they'd fled the collapsing Hellmouth. She opens her eyes and turns to Buffy, shaking her head.

"Nothing?" Buffy asks, a little frustrated.

"Nope. Nothing out of the ordinary, anyway." Willow pats Dawn's hands reassuringly before letting her go. "Dawn, the next time something like this happens, you'll need to tell us right away, k?" Dawn nodded and glanced at Giles who looks more than concerned.

"Buff, I'm ok. Whatever it was, it was...fleeting. Poof! Gone. OK?" She smiles in an attempt to put her sister at ease. Buffy returns the smile tentatively.

"Yeah, for now, OK. Just...be careful. If Colin wasn't such an upstanding guy, who knows what would have happened." 

"Yeah, well, that's him: Mr. Respectability. And a Watcher's son to boot. Who'd have ever guessed. " Dawn chuckles and Buffy laughs. Giles, who has remained silent during this entire meeting, looks pointedly at Willow who immediately understands what he wants.

"Dawn, why don't you call Colin and see if he can help you go over that Huldrefolk barrier we were working on the other day." Willow prompts.

"Sure, ok. Of course." When she exits for the library, Giles turns to Buffy.

"Buffy...I know that it's been difficult, this past 8 months or so, but-"

"You want to know what happened in the cavern." Buffy finishes the Watcher's question. She hasn't gone into any details about what transpired, not wanting to relive those last few moments. She also doesn't want Dawn made into a subject of study by the Council for her odd behavior caused by the residual effects of...whatever...had happened to her down there.

"You don't have to tell us, if you're not ready." Willow steps in, sensing her friend's trepidation. "It would just...help, if we knew what happened to Dawn." Buffy sighs heavily and stands, walking over to the bookcase. Her fingers land idly on an old leather-bound volume entitled 'Les Vampires.' She laughs softly to herself.

"OK." She takes a deep breath, exhaling slowly before she turns to the now seated pair. Willow's white hair is pulled back in an elegant bun. Her ice-blue eyes are impossibly warm as her friend silently communicates that she knows how difficult this is for her. Next to her, Giles avoids her gaze and she wonders how, after so long, he could still belittle what Spike had meant...still means...to her.

"When...when the amulet began doing its thing, Spike called out to me. I heard him, but I was fighting and couldn't move. It...wasn't until I heard Dawn's voice call his name that I turned to look and that's when I saw it. The...light...was so intense, it...was pouring out of him. Dawn ran to him and I tried to fight my way to her when one of the...when...one of the beams hit her.

"She...froze. I mean- she was, almost, suspended...in mid air. I ran for her, but Faith got there first and then she collapsed onto the floor."

"How long?" Giles soft question jars Buffy out of the memory momentarily. She looks up at him.

"I dunno...5, maybe 10 seconds. Faith was with her and she yelled at me to go to Spike. Just the way she looked past me. I almost didn't want to turn around, I was afraid of what I'd see. But I did. I turned and...he was pinned...against the wall. Sunlight-" A muffled sob escapes from her throat, but when Willow starts to move towards her, she holds her hand out to stop her, instead sinking into a facing chair.

"He was...radiant...glowing- in the sunlight. It poured through him, out of the amulet. I got to him somehow, I don't remember...somehow...and I tried to understand...what was happening. He kept telling me to leave, saying that he had to 'finish it'...cracking lame jokes about school being out. I didn't understand." She looks up at Willow's tearful face. It is the first time she's spoken aloud of Spike's death to anyone but Dawn.

"I begged him to come with me. I..._begged_...but he wouldn't, and then...Dawn was there and she was glowing too."

"What do you mean, Buffy, 'she was glowing'?" Giles is loathe to interrupt her again, but he feels this bit of information too important to bypass.

"She...had the same light around her, only...less...intense?" Buffy glances up at him to confirm that he undertands. He nods slowly, making a mental note. "They...something passed through them. They were...both...smiling. Peaceful. I-" She idly brushes a few tears from her face.

"He told me I had to leave...to live...for her. Not in so many words, but...I understood." Her tears are falling unchecked now, and Willow does rise and move over to her. Buffy turns to her friend, her gaze questioning and lost. She's hidden her grief in her room for almost a year and now it is out on display. "He-he-he said I'd never be alone, Will, but I am...I AM! How could he leave me like that? How could he leave me here alone? Like this! How could-" her words are cut off as her throat constricts with the sobs racking her frame. Willow looks to Giles as she wraps her arms around her friend.

They'd all assumed that Spike didn't have a choice but to stay. None of them had ever considered that he'd sacrificed himself willingly. And all of them had been all to blind as to how much Buffy really loved the blonde vampire. Giles moves to the two women and embraces them both, murmuring words of comfort and support into Buffy's hair as she weeps and weeps. He is astounded and a little in awe of his own prejudice. Spike...saved them all, and not just them, quite possibly the world. Buffy has held that knowledge to herself for months. **My poor, poor girl.**

After a few minutes, he stands up and rings for Mrs. Bale, one of the elderwomen of the new Council. When she arrives, she instinctively goes to the young blonde.

"Oh deary, let me see you upstairs." Her kind voice rouses Buffy from her tears and she offers a wan smile. Sniffling, she turns to Willow and hugs her, silently thanking her for making her speak out loud of that day. She only glances at Giles momentarily before she leaves with Mrs. Bale. Her relationship with her former Watcher, although friendly, has not reclaimed the closeness they once shared. Giles blames no one but himself and he can't fathom a way to regain her trust. When she is out of earshot, he sits next to Willow.

"I...honestly don't know what to say." He sighs heavily, placing his hand on her leg. Willow smiles and covers his hand with her own.

"Me neither, I mean...I knew what happened, sort of...but not, I guess." Giles smiles as the rare glimpse of old-Willow peeks through the woman beside him. "God, Giles, she's been holding all of that in all of this time."

"I know, Willow, I know." Giles removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, annoyed at himself for not noticing sooner; for believing that she'd gotten over the trauma of that day somehow. "But, what are we going to do about Dawn?"

"I don't know if there's anything to do, Ru." Willow stands up and walks over to the mantel. "She seems perfectly fine and, unless these little occurrences get more...I dunno...occurr-y, I don't see any reason to take action. I would like to find out more about that amulet, though. Do you think Angel has more info on it?"

"Hmmm, perhaps. Give him a call, if you must, but don't tell Buffy. I don't want to dredge up any more memories for her, she's been through quite enough." Willow nods and leaves Giles in the study. He chides himself for not checking up on the amulet and its origin. He is determined to rectify that immediately.

TBC Chapter 4: She Walks This Earth


	4. She Walks This Earth

**Title:** She Walks This Earth – (Chapter 4 of How Many Days)  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Pam and Maribel: my wonderful betas. I'd be lost without you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Give me water  
Give me inspiration  
I want to speak now  
But I can't find a word  
So unforgiving   
Is my infatuation  
Now that I know   
She walks upon the Earth  
She walks this Earth -Ivan Lins/Brenda Russell as performed by Sting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****   


She Walks This Earth 

Buffy has been having increasingly more vivid dreams of Sunnydale since _that day_. Sometimes the images linger in her mind long after she's showered and dressed for her daily routine. Occasionally a memory, sharp and painful, will hit her at the most inopportune moment. She'll be in front of the self-defense class that she teaches to young slayers and a fragment will slice through her mind, rendering her helpless. She'll fall to the mats, momentarily incapacitated, as the young girls gather around her to help her up.

The dreams fall under two categories...maybe three, depending on how you look at them. On one side there is light: blinding, warm and comforting light. It speaks to her, soothing her and giving her notions of love and caring. On the other side there is darkness, despair and grief. She can feel the pull of a blackness she's never known. From those dreams she wakes up in a panic, screams lodged in her throat afraid to be released. The dreams of light give her peace. She is able to maneuver through the day with relative normality. She can smile and not feel as if puppet strings are holding her up; controlling her.

In the _other_ dreams...the most vivid, intense and disturbing dreams...she is with him. They are tangled together between sheets soaked with their passion. There is usually no sound, even their moans are muffled, there is only feeling. Flesh on flesh; hands on skin; mouths hungry and devouring.

Buffy isn't sure which category these particular dreams belong in: light or dark. She wakes from them feeling neither panic nor peace, only...longing. Either way, she doesn't allow herself to indulge in deciphering them. They belong in her past, lost in the ether along with him. And she is still walking this earth into an unknown future; still alive, even though she doesn't feel so alive.

This morning is blessedly dream-free. Buffy stretches her tired muscles and makes quick work of getting ready for the day. Giles had pulled her aside during the party and asked if she could meet with an old colleague of his that is anxious to make her acquaintance. After dressing and brushing through her waist-length, honey golden hair, she bounds down the steps to the kitchen for a quick bite to eat before Mr. Ostriak arrives. She is surprised to find Dawn there.

"You're up early." She grabs an orange out of the basket on the table and begins to peel it.

"Couldn't sleep." Dawn is listlessly picking over a scone. Noticing this, Buffy frowns a little, ceasing her actions.

"You ok?"

"Yeah...just thinking about last night." Buffy takes the chair next to her sister and puts a hand on her back.

"We'll figure it out, whatever it is. Don't worry, Dawnie." Her voice is hushed.

"Dawn, please...I'm not a little girl." She smiles.

"Oh, I know. And I seem to recall a pretty cute guy that knows this too." She nudges Dawn's shoulder with her own. Dawn blushes and can't hide the grin that breaks out on her face.

"I can't believe he's a Watcher trainee or a Watcher-in-training or whatever." Dawn shakes her head. **So much for being normal.**

"Well, he isn't, technically. Although I'm sure he'll jump right into his studies..._now_." Buffy smirks as she goes back to her orange. Dawn laughs silently.

"Yeah...he just might." She sighs and pauses as Buffy observes her. "I really like him, Buff. I hope I didn't scare him off."

"Uhhh. Excuse me, but didn't he ask you out, like, _right_ after the...you-know?" Buffy arches her eyebrows an dpops a slice of fruit into her mouth. Dawn smiles.

"Yeah...he _did_, didn't he?" She breaks off a piece of the currant scone and nibbles on it. "I guess he'll stick around."

"I saw the way he was looking at you, Dawnie...I mean _Dawn_. Are you sure it was just a kiss?" She teases.

"_Yeeeeees_." Dawn rolls her eyes. "It was...a good kiss, though...I-I think. Don't remember much."

"Well _he_ must." Buffy grins and tosses her orange rind into the waste bucket. "The way he looks at you..." Her voice becomes distant.

"What do you mean?" Dawn gets up from the chair and crosses over to her sister, who is standing by the sink looking out the window.

"All during the party I watched him watching you. It reminded me of the way...well...Spike..." She doesn't continue, instead shaking herself and rinsing off her hands. "Nevermind. I'm glad that you've found a friend, Dawn. I...I hope it works out for you." She smiles, but there is sadness there. Dawn takes her sister's hand and squeezes it.

"So." She says, heading to the fridge. "What are your plans this fine Saturday?"

"Oh, well-" Buffy glances at the clock. "Actually, I am meeting with Giles' friend Richard Ostrich. He wants to interview me or something. He's a Watcher. A real one, not a new one."

"It's Ostriak, not ostrich, and Colin told me about him. He sounds nice. Sort of grandfatherly and very unwatcher-y." Dawn pours herself a small glass of orange juice.

"Yeah, and I figure 'why not'. He wants to ask me all about the Hellmouth and stuff. I-I don't mind talking about it that much, as long as..."

"He doesn't get too personal, I understand Buffy. But it'll be good for you to talk about it all. And he's objective, unlike Giles." Dawn smiles, downing her juice in three swallows and placing her empty glass in the dishwasher. "Might be just the thing you need."

"To do what?"

"To move on." With that Dawn leaves Buffy alone in the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

"Miss Summers." Richard sits in Giles desk chair, his hands folded in front of him as Buffy takes the seat across.

"Buffy's ok. You can call me Buffy." She smiles.

"Then, by all means, call me Richard." He gives her a wink as he shakes her hand. "I've been looking forward to meeting you for a very, very long time."

"Oh really? Why's that?"

"Oh come now, Buffy, you have to know that you are the most unique slayer the Council has ever seen, don't you?" He leans forward onto his elbows, his fingers laced under his chin. She rolls her eyes at the word 'council.'

"If, by that, you mean I play by their rules...then yeah." She arches her eyebrow. His smile widens.

"Precisely. You did more on your own than any slayer has ever done with the might of the _council_ at her back." He says the word 'council' as if it were distasteful to him. Buffy smiles at that, but her eyes narrow with confusion.

"I was, what Giles likes to call, 'unorthodox'; but that's me: Miss Independence." His low laughter sends an unexpected chill down her spine, but she mentally waves it off. He obviously isn't of the same breed as the other Watchers she's known. And any friend of Giles'...

"Yes, yes. Well, I for one, admire your...tenacity and independence Miss Sum-...er...Buffy." He leans back in the chair. "You, uh...you had quite an interesting support group as well."

"You mean the Scoobies?"

"The..._what now?_" He looks at her, thoroughly confused. Buffy laughs.

"That's their nickname; the friends that helped me patrol. Um...Willow - have you met her?" He shakes his head negatively. "You will...I'm sure you'll be _way_ into her. She's some sort of goddess now, but she was just learning witchcraft when I met her."

"A..._goddess_...did you say?" She nods. "What would make you say such a thing?" His eyebrows peak in curiosity.

"Well...you'll see when you meet her." Her smirk and subsequent laugh causes him to frown in confusion. He quickly shakes it off as the smile returns. This is a remarkable girl. He can feel the power emanating from her like heat. And she is every bit as beautiful as he'd imagined: small, compact, fiery. Perfect.

"Can't wait." Again, his smile un-nerves her and she looks away.

"Well, there was Willow-"

"The goddess."

"She was only a witch then." She corrects. "She and...Tara...they worked together until..." Her face takes on a mask of sadness.

"Until?"

"She died...I'm sorry...I..."

"Oh dear, I didn't know. Would you like to stop? Can I get you something?" He moves to rise but she raises her hand to stop him.

"No, sorry...I just...I'm okay. It was a long time ago...or it seems like it was. It's just...hard, you know? But I'm okay." She offers a small smile and he resumes his seat.

"Of course, please continue...when you're ready."

"Well...there was Xander."

"The human, right? Tell me, what exactly was his function in your unit?" She chuckles softly at the word 'unit.' Richard sounded very Riley-like just then.

"Xander? Well...god...he was our level-head. He kept us grounded, for the most part."

"I see...and who else?"

"Anya..."

"Who is Anya?"

"Anya is...was..." This time she feels the tears begin to sting the back of her eyes. His brow knits in genuine concern. She takes a deep breath and swallows. "I'm sorry, it's...it's been awhile since I..."

"Oh dear I'm so sorry, Buffy, I really didn't mean to bring up such painful memories. It is obvious that they are still fresh for you." He places his hands on the desk, trying to think of something to do to calm her. "Would you care for some tea?"

"No, really, it's alright. I can't hide forever." She takes a deep breath as he waits patiently. "She...died...during the...battle."

"Oh." His face falls. "Oh, I am so terribly sorry. Really, if you'd prefer not to continue-" His voice becomes soft and sympathetic.

"No, it's okay. I can't be afraid to talk about this." Richard remains silent, waiting for her to set her own pace. "Anya was a...vengeance demon." His eyebrows rise in surprise. "Emphasis on the was. She was human...most of the time...when she worked with us. She was with Xander."

"With?"

"They were...engaged. It's a long story, but in the end it didn't last."

"I don't imagine that it would have." His frank words disarm her and she feels the heat rising to her cheeks.

"_He_ messed it up."

"Xander did?" He can't hide his surprise.

"Yes. Long story." She gives him a look that tells him that _that_ part of the discussion is over. 

"Understood." He smiles. He really likes this slayer. "Anyone else?" She freezes. **Yes, there was Spike. He was one of us, although we never really treated him that way. God, not until the end, and even then it was only Dawn and I that accepted him. He gave up his existence so that I could sit here talking to you.**

The words are not finding their way to her tongue. She sits there dumbfounded as this man stares at her as if he can see inside her. And he can, in a manner of speaking. He is reading her, a special talent he has as a mild empath. He is reading her emotions and he wonders what has brought this powerful, young woman to the brink of despair. No, she is over the brink and fighting her way back.

"If this is...too difficult for you, Miss Summers."

"No. And it's Buffy." She tries to smile. He accepts the effort graciously. "There was...another, besides the four of us, Giles and Dawn, my sister."

"Yes?"

"Yes. His name..." She takes a deep breath. "His name...w-was...Spike."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Richard sits in stunned silence. Never in all his years of studying slayers, particularly this one, has he ever heard such a tale. He doesn't know whether to believe her or not. William the bloody sacrificing himself to save the world? He knew a little about this ones tendency to allow vampires into her inner circle, but he suspects that perhaps this flaw is coloring her memory of the event. He will certainly have to take this up with Giles.

"Buffy?" She is still sitting across from him in the chair, but she may as well not even be there. Her memories and her obvious grief have transported her to somewhere beyond his reach. "Miss Summers?" Slowly she comes back to herself.

"I-I'm so sorry, Richard, I...zoned out for a bit. Do you mind?" She stands slowly, her breathing erratic as if she's just been exerting herself somehow.

"Of course not." He rises with her as she turns to go. "Oh, Buffy." He calls after her as she reaches the door.

"Yes?" She turns to him.

"I'd almost forgotten. " He walks over to the corner and picks up a small cardboard cube. "I...I brought this for you." Buffy frowns and look at the object as he places it on the desk. She walks over to it.

"What is it?"

"It's a gift. For you. I hope you don't mind. It's just that...I've admired you for so long. It's...well, quite embarrassing. It's just a little tribute to you."

Buffy fingers the flaps of the box and feels the seam of the tape keeping it closed. She uses a little strength to pull away the binding and opens it up. As she reaches into the shipping popcorn, her hand rests on something solid and metal. She grabs onto it and pulls it out, careful not to spill the popcorn all over Giles' precious oriental rug.

Richard's eyes grow wide as he watches her reaction to the chaste silver, antique candelabra she pulls out of the box. The designwork is exquisite and her eyes roam lovingly over the intricate details. Her mouth drops open in admiration at its craftsmanship and quality.

"Oh...wow." Buffy turns it around in her hands. It is heavy. Solid. The silver warm to her fingers, and getting warmer still, though it is probably a trick of her imagination. The figures carved into the metal are people, men and women, dressed in what looks to be nightgowns. All are in various stages of sleep; some yawning, some dreaming, their faces contorted. It is a beautiful piece of work.

"I can't accept this, it's-"

"You must, Buffy. I got it for you in Hungary when Giles told me you weren't sleeping well." She looks up at him, her brow creasing. "I'm sorry, I know it's rather personal and presumptuous of me, but please. Please accept it...as a token of my respect and admiration."

Buffy sighs as her eyes fall back onto the candelabra. "It's beautiful." She turns back to him, smiling brightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Legend has it that lighting this before you retire will help you to sleep and to have pleasant dreams."

"Well, I'm willing to give it a shot." She laughs lightly. He chuckles in return. "Thanks again. We'll...talk some more. Soon." She smiles and with that, leaves the room taking her gift with her.

"That we shall, Miss Summers. That we shall." Richard sits back down at the desk, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth, and smiles.

TBC Chapter 5: I Was Brought to My Senses


	5. I Was Brought to My Senses

**Title:** I Was Brought to My Senses (Chapter 5 of How Many Days)  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Pam and Maribel: my wonderful betas. I'd be lost without you!  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I walked out this morning.  
It was like a veil had been removed from before my eyes  
For the first time I saw the work of heaven  
In the line where the hill had been married to the sky.  
And all around me every blade of singing grass  
Was calling out your name and that our love would always last.  
And inside every turning leaf is the pattern of an older tree;  
The shape of our future, the shape of all our history.  
And out of the confusion, where the river meets the sea  
Came things I'd never seen. -Sting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I Was Brought to My Senses

**Light this bright should burn.**

**It did before. Just before. Or is it just now?  
Hard to tell how longhow much, what's the word, time?  
Yes, time.**

**Time moves. No, it passes.**

**Through time. Over time.  
Out of.**

**This istimeless. Without time.**

He becomes aware of seeing, of looking around.  
Where there had been nothing but light, suddenly there are shapes and shadows forming.

He thinks he might feel fear, but there's no fear.

Tendrils of compassion reach toward his center.  
They entwine themselves with his energy, stroking, caressing.

It'spleasurable.

Blinking. That's what he's doing. Blinking witheyes.  
And now there's movement. He has weight. Substance.

He has form within the Light.

The shadows are growing towards him, but he's not frightened.  
On the contrary, he's anticipatingsomething.

_William._

**What is William?**

_It's who you are. Or would you prefer Spike?_

**What is Spike?**

_Also who you are._

**Wordsno. Names. That's what they are: names.**

_Your names. Choose one._

**How?**

_What feels better? William or Spike?_

**Feels? What is feels?  
I don't understand.**

_William. What do you see, inside, when that word is said?_

Fear. Pain. Loss. Humiliation.  
Fear.

**I don't like the word William.**

_And Spike? What about that one?_

Buffy.

**What is that? **Golden sunshine.

**Shining**

Love. Love. Pain. More love.

_Well?_

**I like Spike.**

_Figured you would. All right then, Spike.  
__Time to have a chat._

There is something hard beneath him and the weight has increased significantly.  
He becomes aware of armsa chestmoving. His chest is moving up and down.

It's a strange sensation.

Above there are patterns: swirling clouds of color forming.  
He reaches out towards them, but they are too far away for him to touch.

Something does touch him, though, something soft and warm.  
Something that looks a lot like what he's reaching with.

**A hand.**

Yesa handtouching him. At the touch a flood of images infuse him.  
Knowledge plants itself inside him, taking root.

**Hands.**

**Feet.**

**Legs.**

**A body.**

**My body.**

**I am. **

**I am Spike.**

He understands that he is lying on a floor. Sitting up, with the help of the hand, he turns his head towards the origin of the helper.

She looksfamiliar: Soft, pretty and barefoot in a flowy black gown.

She crouches down beside him and smiles.

His voice sounds odd to him. Thick. Where am I?

She stands and walks over to a table. It's round; a beautiful hardwood parlor table. Spike looks around the room. It is so familiar and instantly comforting.

Didn't you sit here with your mom and read to her? Her back is to him and she's looking through a book on the table. There's a settee next to it. She sits, facing him, flipping through the pages.

Spike frowns as he takes in more of the room. Brocade curtains. Oriental rug. Fringe lamp. Oil painting of

Spike jumps up and immediately falls back down on his butt. 

The young girl giggles. Spike laughs too. It sounds like music.

You give yourself some time to get used to being in that body again, okay? She smirks at him. He nods.

Where 'ave I been? And why are we here? Am I I'm dead, aren't I? He doesn't feel particular sadness, just states it as a fact needing confirmation.

she stands up, placing the book back on the table, and walks around the room. That's up to you.

Spike stands up again, this time more slowly. His legs are still a little shaky, but he feels much better. He's wearing white. Something about that makes him uneasy.

If you want to change itgo ahead, she says over her shoulder as she studies the portrait. Spike looks back down at his clothing and it is all black.

Yeah, Neo She turns halfway and smirks. It's neat isn't it? He grins and nods.  
You're a cutie. Spike feels warm all of a sudden. He touches his hands to his face.

The word is a reflex.

She must have been blind. She turns back to the painting. There's definitely a note of sadness in her voice.

Spike crosses the room to stand next to her and look up at the portrait.

**Papa.**

She doesn't look at him when she says it, but Spike knows that she is watching him.

**Buffy. The vampire slayer.  
I'm a vampire.**

Not anymore, silly, not technically. She turns towards him, waits for him to reciprocate, and places her hands on his face. Mmm warm. She smiles closing her eyes.

warm. I'm WARM! He backs away from her and stares at the color in his hands. They're a peachy-pink instead of a grayish-white. Am I he turns his hands over and over and sees the blood pumping through the veins.

You're not human. She studies him for a moment. But you're no longer a vampire either.

Spike frowns a little and he looks up at her, his arms dropping to the side. What am I? Where am I? And why? He feels the heat rising to his cheeks again, but this time it's not so pleasurable.

She turns from him and sits back down on the settee, patting the seat beside her. You have a lot of questions, don't you? She laughs a little.

Spike softens a bit and shrugs his shoulders. Wouldn' you?

Oh I did, when I first came here. She looks around the room. Well, not here, obviously, but She pats the seat again. Why don't you come over here and I will try to refresh your memory, ok? She looks at him with such an innocent smile that Spike can't help but give in. He walks over to her and sits. He's still amazed at the detail of the room.

Why? It's yours. It's in youpart of you. And quite nicedifferent from mine for sure. She feels the fabric of the settee admiringly.

What is this place? He keeps his voice low to hide the apprehension he feels.

well...think of it as a pit stop. She searches the ceiling for the words. Ok, let's start with this: what do you last remember?

_'Spike...no! No, you have to come. Please don't' leave me here alone...please! I love you!'  
You're not alone, lamb. You never will be again._

Spike's eyes are closed tight, but he is calm. It's a memory, but it's dull and distant. The only thing he feels is lovefor her.

Told you someday she'd tell you. At that, Spike opens his eyes and tilts his head slightly. The girl is studying him now, her face soft and sad. The blonde hair on her head is glowing, as if lit from within.

He says in a breath, a small smile on his lips.

She laughs a little. Not surprised you don't remember me, we weren't properly introduced. She puts out her hand. 

He takes her hand in between both of his, his eyes moving over her before settling in hers, tears glistening in them. 

Cassie ducks her head and removes her hand from his. She gets up and strolls around to the other side of the room. Spike stretches out his legs, following her with his gaze.

So where are we, right?

yeah. And don' forget the why part. He grins.

She turns and faces him from across the room. Her arms are folded. This is how it is. You were a vampire. He nods. You killed thousands of people. He nods again, closing his eyes and wincing. You sought out your soul. He looks down at his hands; a flash of pain crosses his face before his features soften again.

And you saved the world.

Spike gives her a look that could only be described as shock. He pulls his legs up, placing his feet flat on the floor.

His mouth twitches a bit, eyes growing wider by the second.

You, SpikeMaster Vampire of the Order of AureliusWilliam the poet and devoted sonSaved. The. World. She smiles brightly, clasping her hands and tilting her head to him in tribute.

Spike lets out a long breath. **Can't ve. Not me. It was Buffy.**

It was you AND Buffy. You both, working together, saved mankind. She walks towards him and kneels down before him, taking his head in her hands. She kisses the top of his head. When she pulls back, Spike notices the tears on her cheeks.

What is it, luv? He crinkles his brow, cocking his head to the side in his concern.

You two.

that. Bloody impossible, wasn't it? He chuckles, but it's a sad sound.

No. It wasn't. She just fought so hard against it until it was too late. I didn't realizeI should've said something to her. Cassie closes her eyes and another tear slips out.

Ahhh, pet. Spike instinctively slips his arms around the small girl to comfort her. I doubt it would've made a difference. The Slayer and menot meant to be, is all. I'm thankful for the time we did have.

Cassie stands up and turns away from him. Her hands are clasped in front of her bent head, as if in prayer. Spike rises and walks around her to face her.

What is it? He ducks his head and tries to make eyes contact. She looks up and reaches down to take his hands in hers.

You both have been wronged. It wasn't supposed to end this way. Her expression is very serious, troubled. Spike gives her hands a squeeze to encourage her to continue. She looks around a moment before her eyes settle in his again.

She was supposed to be with you.

She was- no. No. She wasn't s'pose to die with me. No. No! I won't accept that. He pulls his hands from her and walks to the other side of the room. The room dissolves into a park scene. Hyde Park in London, Spike recalls, deserted in the moonlit night.

No, she loves you, Spike... Cassie's voice seems so far away that he turns to see where she's gone. She's not there. He searches the landscape. I'm right here. Cassie appears right at his side, her hand on his shoulder. Let me show you.

She points to a bench nearby. Buffy is there. She has her knees drawn up to her chest. Spike's eyes go wide.

It's a whisper. She is dressed head to toe in black. Her normally golden skin is somewhat pale. Her hair, now down to her waist, is a deep golden color and whips in the strong breeze.

The moon catches each nuance of highlight in her hair. It glows around her like a halo. But there is something darker inside the ring of light. Something attached to her that he's never seen before.

She misses you, Spike. Cassie's voice is in his ear. She is still grieving. He takes in the sight of his love. She looks so different. Older.

She lookswhat's happened to her?

It's been nine months...almost a year, Spike. One year since you- Cassie watches this information sink into him.

A year? The tears that threatened to spill upon seeing her are now falling free. His voice is laced with sadness and love. **Still grievingfor me?**

Yes. One year for her. Longer for you. Much longer for him. He has no sense of time. Could have been hundreds of years. Thousands.

Why is she here? And alone? S'dangerous. Spike's brow wrinkles as he studies her. She looks frail in her grief, but beyond beautiful. Still there's a sadness that weighs on her shoulders. It hovers about her like a fog dampening her natural glow.

Like I said, she misses you. She feels Cassie releases his shoulder and he steps forward. He walks all the way around the bench where she is curled up. He crouches down, leaning against the worn wood, and reaches up to touch her hair. His hand stops short of her.

Buffy's lips are moving, but he cannot hear her words. She brushes her hair out of her eyes. He notices how red they are from crying and his heart breaks.

She doesn' know I'm here, does she? He is aching to touch her.

Oh Buffy Spike hangs his head, unable to stand to be so close to her and not offer comfort. Cassie comes around to him to comfort him. She strokes the nape of his neck and murmurs soothing words. God. I'm sorry, Buffy. So sorry.

Shhhh. Let's get away from this. Cassie tries to help him stand.

No! No. Spike's eyes are wild in his outrage. I don' want to leave her here like this. Look at 'er!

Cassie tries to calm him.

No! Tell me what you meant, that she was supposed to be with me. I don' understand. Why am I here? What's happening? He is suddenly frantic and rises during his outburst to turn and confront the girl with the secrets.

Calm down, I'll tell you everything. Just pleasecalm down. They'll think you weren't readythat i-it was a mistake. She lowers her voice as if protecting the conversation from unseen ears.

Realizing suddenly that things are not as they seem to be, Spike looks around. Buffy is still there, but he notices that he cannot hear her. He can't even smell her or sense her in any way. He feels no breeze. He hadn't even felt the wood of the bench beneath his fingers.

What's going on here? He is more calm, but also more alert. He regards Cassie with caution as he steps back from her.

Cassie's eyes plead with him silently as the world around them dissolves once more. She turns from him and he follows her gaze to a man sitting at a small table. The surroundings are not unlike the Light. It's less intense but still soothing.

Come, young one. The man's voice thunders through the space and in Spike's head. He closes his eyes momentarily until the reverberations die out. The voice is significantly diminished. I forget sometimes.

Cassie walks over to the man and sits across the table from him. They both look at Spike expectantly. He slowly approaches them.

And you are? He declines the invitation to sit.

I am. The man smiles and it sends shivers over Spike's skin.

he says, his hand on his hip defiantly. I don' know what's going on around here, but I'm done playing games. Not in the mood.

Oh really, young one, then what sort of mood are you in, then? Hmm? The man is small, but he doesn't give the impression of being small. He has large brown eyes, angular features, luxurious black hair that hangs just above his shoulders, small lines in his face that hint at age. Spike looks him in the eye for a long moment and instantly regrets it.

**LifeLove..Anger. Joy..War..Peace..Indifference..Humanity..Demons..Pain. Rage.Screaming.Laughing.Cruelty.Kindness.Spirit.Flesh.BoneBloodBileStartFinishMiddleBeginningEndDawnDuskStars EarthDyingLivingPutridAromaticFuryEcstasyRaptureLovinglovinglovingloveloveloveloveloveOVERWHELMINGLOVE!**

Spike crumples to the ground, his chest heaving.

You were right, sweet Cassie. He _is_ ready. Spike hears the man's words just before darkness extinguishes the light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

"Spike!" Buffy had awakened with a start on the park bench. She had struggled to remember where she was...and when. It wasn't an unusual occurrence, but it always leaves her trembling and disoriented; unable to shake the feeling of him surrounding her and still not being able to reach out and touch him.

Her thoughts had been troubled as she walked back from the park. The night seemed too still, and the sounds of everyday nightlife too distant. She'd sat on the bench and let the tears wash over her. No one was around to stop her from falling asleep on patrol. No one there to placate her. No renumerations from Giles as he vacillated between being empathetic and indifferent. 

She knows he tries, but she also knows that he will never be able to forgive Spike of all his transgressions, no matter what sacrifices he had made. Talking about...that day...with him and Willow; reliving it again this morning with the Watcher, Richard - it had all come at too great a price to her fragile peace of mind.

She needed to get out; get away from them all. Just for a little while. So she'd decided to go on patrol.

Funnily enough, the streets of London are surprising devoid of much demon activity. You would think, given its violent history, that dark energy would thrive there. That not being the case, Buffy has taken to patrolling on occasion when she needs to regain some sense of self; to recall the normalcy she'd once had. Normalcy that, even on such a strange scale, she had taken for granted all those years in Sunnydale. Normalcy she would give anything to have just a little bit of these days.

But things, though moving towards a new kind of normal, are different now. She can't seem to settle into a routine. Work, research, caring for a nearly-adult Dawn; these things are designed to ease her back into life. But every step she takes towards that leaves her feeling like she's betrayed her past. Betrayed _him_...by forgetting.

As if she could _ever._

Every other thought she has, waking or sleeping, is Spike. Always Spike. She talks to him when she's alone, telling him of her day. Sometimes she can hear his smart-ass commentary on the way she manhandles her hair or neglects to drink water, or chews her food. _Cor pet, you're like a bloody cow! Close your mouth, luv. Be the lady that I know you are._ She smiles at the way his Victorian tendencies color even her memory of him. _My girl, you are. Always and forever, luv._

**Yes, baby. Forever.**

Buffy slips into her quarters quietly, not wanting to wake the house. She sighs as she pushes the door closed behind her and spies the bed across the room. The time has come for sleeping. And sleeping means dreaming.

Where would her dreams take her tonight? Moaning in ecstasy beneath the cool form of her lover? Screaming in agony as she feels his spirit leave the earth in a fiery blaze? Drowning in regret as she attempts to atone for her treatment of him...before?

She hesitates to find out. But even the most painful dream can bring her closer to him. Her mind's eye hasn't yet forgotten the cadence in his voice or the rhythmic flutter of his eyelashes when he laughed; the coolness of his fingertips as they played against her skin or the impossibly blue depth of his eyes. As long as she has these dreams, she'll have him.

Buffy undresses, her eyes never leaving the bed. She does it slowly, as if he is there watching her. The cotton of her shirt slips over her head and the warm air of the room swirls around her. She tosses the fabric to a nearby chair. Walking towards the bed, she can imagine him there: eyes filled with desire, lips moist and slightly parted as he anticipates her approach. Her touch. She closes her eyes and exhales deeply. "Oh, Spike." She whispers, removing the rest of her clothes. The light touch of her own fingers sends shivers throughout her body, forcing it to remember his ministrations; the way he'd done this very same thing once before, undressing her delicately as if she were a porcelain doll. "I miss you so much."

Her knee hits the bed and she bends it, crawling on top until she can lie down on her side facing the window. Though moonlight streams in through the parted curtains, most of the room is in draped in the black of night. The memory of his crypt, drenched in pitch, comes unbiddingly into her mind. She closes her eyes and remembers the sound of a striking match; the burst of flame and the glow of his skin as he lit the candles that surrounded them, creating a living painting. At moments like that, she always forgot that she wasn't supposed to love him.

Buffy opens her eyes and they rest on the candelabra; the gift from the Watcher. The thin light caresses the curves of the carved figures in the silver. Staring intently at them, Buffy almost thinks she sees them move; undulating beneath her steady gaze. She sits up and edges closer to the nightstand where it rests. The candleholders are desperately empty and the sight sends a shiver of discomfort through her body. They must be filled; the candles must be lit. It looks so...stripped; so lost.

She spins silently off the bed and heads into her bathroom, naked feet padding across the floor. She emerges with two slender tapers. Sitting on the side of the mattress, she steadies the candelabra with one hand while she inserts the candles with the other. She smiles as she strikes the match and lights them, one by one.

The room is instantly filled with a golden glow. The flames dance and cast long shadows on her high walls. She feels...like she's home. Scooting back on the bed, she lays down on her pillows and pulls the duvet over her skin. Buffy closes her eyes briefly and then looks again at the candles. She can almost feel Spike's lips brush against hers as she drifts off into sleep to meet whatever dream may come to relearn her senses of him.

TBC: Chapter 6 - You Still Touch Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

**A/N:** You guys have been so wonderful, telling me how you're enjoying the story.  
I was so overwhelmed by your feedback, that I zipped home and posted this chapter.  
I guess the more I hear from you, the more inspired I am. So keep it coming and I'll write fast, faster, fastest!  
  
_Ranaslayer_: I promise you it wasn't Spike kissing Colin through Dawn, although that would've been interesting. ;] And Dawn will be quite a young lady when I'm through with her.  
_Pattyanne_ and _Jerusha_: Of course he's coming back, don't be silly! haha. Be patient. I think it'll be worth it.  
_Kat_ and _jude_: I'm so happy that you guys are enjoying it.

~Xio


	6. You Still Touch Me

Chapter 6 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** You Still Touch Me – (Chapter 6 of How Many Days)  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Pam and Maribel: my wonderful betas. You're both too wonderful for words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Another night finds me alone  
In my dreams you still touch me  
Your picture by my telephone  
In that smile you still thrill me  
Now if I sleep, I sleep here alone  
In my bed tonight you still haunt me  
And if I'm falling, I'm falling like a stone  
In my nightmares you still hold me. -Sting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

You Still Touch Me

He's such an attentive lover, Buffy thinks herself the luckiest girl in the world. Every time he touches her it feels like the first time. She trembles at the coolness of his breath against her skin. Her body sings with delight at the soft brushes of his fingertips and the words of desire riding the waves of his lusty baritone. Tonight she lays spread out before him and his blue eyes dance with longing. Moonlight from her window bathes one side of him in silver glory, while the soft glow of the candlelight accentuates the valleys of his features. Sometimes she swears she can see the graceful figures, cast in the silver, straining their necks to see him.

Oh how she's missed his alabaster perfection.

"Let me kiss you." His voice drips over her and she nods imperceptively before his mouth descends on hers in a searing kiss that leaves her breathless. Their tongues circle each other in a languid dance that brings low moans to Buffy's throat and knowing grins to Spike's lips. Breaking the kiss he looks down at her flushed skin and half-lidded eyes.

"Let me touch you." He slides his fingers through her hair, running them down her neck and along her collarbone, down the valley between her breasts, over her stomach and resting at the apex of her legs. His nails lightly rake the coarse hairs there sending pleasurable waves through her. He settles himself between her legs.

"Let me taste you." His fingers part her secret folds as his tongue lightly samples her wetness. His moan sends vibrations to her very core. He licks her expertly, sending her into indescribable ecstasy. Her muscles begin to convulse almost immediately, but he slows his ministrations. Alternating between licking and sucking, he knows exactly what she needs and when.

"Spike-" she moans aloud, writhing beneath him. She feels his smile against her flesh.

"Shhhhh, luv." One slender finger slips inside her as his mouth continues its assault. Her eyes are fluttering, and he knows she has only moments left to her. Sensing her impending release, Spike re-doubles his efforts, adding another slim finger to her wet channel, curling to find the spot that will drive her over the edge. The orgasm hits with a force that robs her of precious air, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' as a silent scream scrapes her throat.

Her inner walls are still pulsating when he enters her with long, hard thrusts. Buffy's climax extends itself infinitely, wrapping her up in pleasure so intense and blinding that when he finally cries his release, she only has tears for having been so moved.

"Spike, oh Spike." She whispers, feeling his weight collapse on her in fatigue.

"Quiet, luv. Don't break the spell." The whispered words tickle her where his lips rest against the curve of her neck. They lay in a moist tangle of flesh until he slides out of her and moves to stand.

"No!" She grabs for him desperately as he slides out of the sheets. "Stay, please stay."

"You know I can't, my darling." A sad smile plays on his lips as he brushes the hair back from her face. He is absolutely stunning in his naked form and Buffy sheds fresh tears at the thought of waking up again without him at her side. She nods and closes her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, Spike." When she opens them, he is gone and she is once again alone in her cavernous room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

It has been a month since the dreams changed. Every night since that fateful day in May of last year, she's had dreams of Spike but one month ago, just after Dawn's birthday, the dreams took on a new timbre. They became more and more vivid; more and more fulfilling. Where before she'd awakened to faint memories of his fiery touches and his eloquent declarations of love, she now awakes with more physical evidence of their encounters.

At first she'd been embarrassed, thinking the fingerprints and tiny scratches that covered her body were self-induced. She soon realized that many of them she simply couldn't have done herself. It was then that she began to monitor his appearances in her dreams more closely. She soon discovered that she wasn't always asleep when he came. That could only mean one thing: Spike, in some form, was really there.

Somehow, he had been given back to her and she had resolved to find out how. But when she finally stopped their lovemaking long enough to ask, he'd gotten a hurt look in his eyes.

"Isn't it enough that I'm here, luv?" He'd replied. "Do you have to know how or why? Let's just be thankful for this time. Maybe it's our reward for saving the world." And then he'd smiled and her heart had melted and she'd felt foolish for questioning such an amazing gift.

Having him back at all is a miracle, even if it is only for stolen moments of passion in the middle of the night. Still she misses their talks and their moments of quiet observation where they could hold a conversation without uttering a single word. But he's asked her not to tell anyone of their secret encounters and she has no intention of risking what little they do have left.

During the day, however, it has become increasingly more difficult to concentrate. The lack of sleep has left her listless and easily agitated. Giles, on more than one occasion, has asked her if she was feeling ill, saying that she looks pale and drawn.

She shrugs it off as fatigue, he and Dawn attribute it to her grief, which is a partial truth, after all. None of them really understand what she's been through over the last year. Dawn has the best idea, but even she feels that it is time to move on.

_"Spike wanted you to live, Buffy. I know you're not ready for another relationship, but you need to do more than just work.  
Go out. Have a little fun. You need it."_

_"I know Dawn, I-it's just...I'm not feeling up to it. B-but I will. Real soon, I promise."_

She hasn't told her about the dreams, but she wonders if she somehow already knows. Dawn has displayed some rather startling insight into Spike over the last year. Everyone assumes that it is an after-effect of the light from the amulet. Willow accredits Dawn's oft-glowing eyes to the moment she'd been hit with the beam. She can't, however, account for the times when the young woman seemed to 'channel' Spike. Nothing that Willow found out from Angel about the amulet has shed any new light on the situation.

Dawn sometimes uses phrases that are identical to his; even snatches of private conversations. Initially, it caused some tension between the sisters, having such intimate moments locked in the younger Summers' memories. But they've learned to work through the episodes and they've become more infrequent, as the year has gone on. The worst example had been earlier in the year at Dawn's birthday party.

Buffy curses the sunlight as it slips through the heavy brocade curtains on her windows. There's no use pretending it's nighttime when the room is bathed in orange, so she groans as she tosses the duvet off and sits up. Her body, naked and still moist from last evening's passion, is covered in love bites and other small abrasions. She winces and smiles, feeling a blush creep up her neck and land on her cheek as she remembers their fierce coupling.

She stands on shaky legs and crosses over the thick oriental rug to her private bath. Turning on the hot water for the shower, she changes her mind and opts for a long, soaking bath to relieve the tensions in her well-used muscles. Slipping into the warm water and bubbles, she recalls the last month and smiles at her secret nightlife. Spike. Back. And only for her; for them. Her days were spent in research and instruction, but her nights...her nights were his. Theirs.

She stretches out her limbs and ignores the tiny alarm in her head that tells her this just isn't right. She doesn't care about 'right.' She doesn't _want_ to be right if it means giving him up. She yawns. She's been missing a lot of sleep and she tells herself that's why she's so tired lately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Going through the course of her day is a chore. Not that she doesn't love her new career, helping slayers rather than being one, she just finds the hours an obstacle to her _real_ life; the one she has with Spike in the cover of darkness. When her evening defense class is cancelled for a field trip, Buffy hurries back to the main house and races up to her suite. When she enters, closing the door behind her, he is already there. The ever-present candles are burning low in the candelabra and the soft Spring breeze billows the sheer white curtains through the heavier ones and into the bedroom, making it seem like a dreamscape.

"You're early, my love." His voice appears behind her as she steps further inside. She closes her eyes and surrenders to his closeness, a smile playing on her trembling lips.

"I missed you so much." Her voice is breathy and labored. Already she is aching with need and he hasn't even touched her yet.

"And I you, pet." He traces a soft fingertip along the back of her neck and it sends shivers down her spine. "Undress for me." His voice is like satin, sliding over her nerves, calming her fears, soothing her pain.

She opens her eyes and turns to him. He is standing barefoot in black jeans and a black shirt that is unbuttoned, the hunger in his eyes is unmistakable. Buffy slowly raises her hands to her blouse and begins freeing the buttons from their hold, her gaze never breaking from his.

"Slowly, luv." He whispers and she can smell the tobacco and a hint of whiskey. She slows her movement to an excruciating pace, enjoying the desire reflected in his eyes as he follows her hands through their task. When she undoes the last button, he reaches out a hand and starting at the hollow of her throat, lightly traces a path down her torso, across her collarbone, down the valley of her breasts; circling her navel and resting on the slight swell of her belly. He does this every time and, each time, it stops her heart for just a second.

"So beautiful."

She smiles as he moves into her space and slips his fingers into the waistband of her skirt, sliding it down over her hips until it drops to the floor. He holds her hands as she steps out of it and then slips the silk of her blouse over her arms and drops it as well. Her nipples respond to the exposure, both to the night air and to his presence. He bends to the right and languidly drags his tongue across the hardened flesh. Buffy's head rolls back as she moans, her hands instinctively reaching out to hold his biceps. He places his hands lightly on her waist and continues his slow assault, soon moving to the left to give equal attention there.

Spike slips his shirt off and quickly shrugs out of his jeans until he is naked before her, his erection bobbing helplessly against her abdomen. His cool hands slide around her and down the curve of her buttocks, kneading the warm flesh. Her arms slip around his back as she presses herself to him. His mouth finds the bend of her neck and he places fervent kisses there, nibbling the soft skin and licking her pulse point.

"Oh...Spike!" Buffy gasps as he brings one hand between them and slips his fingers inside the fabric of her thong to the wet heat there. Quickly he rips away the offensive fabric and grabs her thighs, hoisting her up and down onto his member in one hard thrust. They both cry out as the connection is made, Buffy trembling in his arms as he walks them over to the bed.

Laying her down, he begins to pump into her in slow, measured movements of his hips; grinding his pelvis against her in each downward motion. She clutches at him, her head thrashing back and forth at the maddening pleasure coursing through her. There is no refuge from an onslaught like this, only the waves and waves of ecstasy that only he can bring her.

"Spike..ohgod ohgod ohgod...Spike!" She cries out incoherently.

"Buffy!" Spike quickens his pace as the pleasure overtakes him, the need driving him to the inevitable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

Dawn skips up the stairs to Buffy's rooms to tell her the big surprise. She's been accepted into the Linguistics program at the UCL and she cannot wait to share the news with her sister before Colin comes to pick her up for a celebratory dinner. She's worked so hard to make up for the time she'd missed in school over the previous year, working with tutors to make up for being woefully under-educated in the Sunnydale school system. Her work with Giles and Colin had given her a head start and probably saved her another year in secondaries. She knows that her sister will be proud.

And Colin...well, Colin has been amazing. Sweet and kind; gentle and most of all patient. He'd taken her out a few days after her 18th birthday, for that private celebration, and by the end of the evening he'd officially become her first love. Since then, they've been nearly inseparable. And since he belongs to the wild and wacky world of Watchers and Vamps, she feels completely comfortable sharing her life with him. The only thing she hasn't been able to open up to him about is her origins. She'd almost slipped when he'd asked her where she was born.

But Colin is a perfect boyfriend. Dawn would even go so far as to call him her best friend...outside of Buffy, that is. The two of them are the world to her, along with Willow and Giles. Even Richard has worked his way into their little family. She has definite grandpa-type feelings towards him, which is understandable considering the father-figure he is to Colin.

Dawn slows her pace as she muses over the people in her life. A year ago she wondered if she would see the next day, now she's planning a future and she doesn't have to worry so much about her loved ones not returning at the end of the day. Nope. No apocalypses for two hundred and ninety-seven days...and counting. She smiles to herself. Life is...not bad. Not bad at all. She may even be pressed to say it was pretty good.

As she approaches Buffy's door, she is stopped by the sound of moaning. She slows to a crawl and, peeking around first to see if anyone's looking, presses her ear to the door and stifles a giggle.

**Buffy has a boyfriend? A lover? And she didn't tell anyone?**

"Oh...god...don't stop. Spike...don't stop!"

Dawn's eyebrows knit. **Spike?** Her heart sinks as she realizes Buffy must be dreaming. She shakes her head at having so easily dismissed her sister's grief. She knows that it will be a long time before Buffy is ever able to date anyone else, let alone make love with them. Dawn starts to turn around and let her be when she hears _his_ voice.

"Shhh...Buffy...quiet, luv."

**What the-**

Dawn doesn't think twice as she throws open the door and beholds the two figures on the bed. Two blonde heads turn towards her, both with varying expressions of shock on their faces. Spike jumps to his feet and backs away. Buffy covers herself and jumps up between them.

"Dawn!"  


Dawn glares at the man standing next to her sister, the scowl unmistakable as her eyes flash a brilliant yellow. As Buffy's movements catch her attention, she shifts her focus to her and the blonde gasps. Dawn grits her teeth, shaking her head, and turns back towards the other figure but he has vanished. She storms forward, towards the open window, and looks out but there is no sign of him.

"Who or _what_ the fuck was _that_?" She turns back to Buffy who is shaking with rage.

"Get out." Buffy's voice is low; a dangerous whisper.

"I want to know Who. That. Was!" Dawn cocks her head, regarding her sibling with no small amount of disgust.

"I said GET OUT!" Buffy screams and grabs Dawn by the forearm and practically throws her towards the door. Dawn stumbles, but catches herself. She spins around and grabs Buffy by the shoulders.

"I don't know who you _thought_ that was, but it wasn't Spike." She keeps her voice steady and calm, as if she's addressing a small child, but her wrath is more than apparent. "Get dressed, Slayer. I want you downstairs in 5 minutes." With that she opens the door and whips out her cell phone.

Buffy can only watch as the door swings closed behind her younger sister. She sinks down onto the floor, exhausted and crying. Spike had fled. Will he ever come back? She'll never forgive Dawn if she's driven him away.

She briefly entertains the idea of slipping out of the window after him, but she has no idea where he's gone. Instead she jumps into a pair of sweatpants and a tank, throws on her robe and sits down to collect herself. She now has to explain how he'd come back, and she doesn't even know the answer. Flying back down the steps to the library, Dawn contacts Giles.

"Rupert get back to the main house. Now. And bring the witch. We have problem. No. It's Buffy. Yes. Right away." She flips the phone shut as she heads for the shelves and scours through them for information, anything, that will tell her just what the hell that was and why it looked so much like Spike. She's trying hard _not_ to wonder just how long it had been fucking her sister.

When no one answers the after-hours bell, Colin lets himself in with his 'emergency' key. He wanders from the parlor to the study before coming to a stop at the threshold to the library. Dawn is hunched over the center table with several thick volumes, her hair hanging haphazardly in her face, fingers pouring over the yellowed pages of obscure texts as she flips through them viciously.

"Dawn?" He moves tentatively into the room, inhaling sharply when she looks up at him. Her eyes are wild, angry and...

Gold.

"Shit-" he mutters. "Not again."

TBC - Chapter 7: Almost There

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

**A/N:** So, did you expect that? Probably not. Confused? probably yeah. Don't worry, it'll all be clear soon.  
Let me chat with my peeps a bit:  
_Rana, Rana, Rana_...what can I say. You make it all worthwhile. Thanks for sending me smilies and recipes!  
_Helen_ - sometimes it's the small words that say everything. So thanks again for keeping an eye out for me.  
_Ali_ - welcome back, sweetheart. Glad to see you again. ::hugs::  
_Mon_ - I know this isn't what you had in mind, but be careful what you wish for. ;]  
_Spygrrl_ - why would you suspect him of anything, hmm?  
_Wolf116_ - I am going to have to send you a box of tissues, sweetie. They're good tears, though. Right?  
_Lia_ - You know I have a soft spot for Dawn. I was so angry when they made her the annoying lil sis. She could have been  
so much more. Well, now she will be.

See you all soon!

~Xio


	7. Almost There

Chapter 7 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** Almost There – (Chapter 7 of How Many Days)  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Pam and Maribel: my wonderful betas. You're both too wonderful for words.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

As their wings go dark - up against the sun  
and their shadows pass - over everyone  
and time unfolds - to a beating drum

I throw my clothes on a burning chair  
I paint my eyes with the cold night air  
the dreamer shouts - to an empty room

and the sun will shine  
and the rain will pour  
we radiate for evermore  
and the world will turn - Andy Summers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****

=Almost There=

"Dawn?" Colin approaches her carefully but she only glances up at him, cursorily, before returning to the volumes before her.

"Do you know of any demon that can make itself appear like someone else? Someone...dead?"  
The faint smell of decades' past perfumes the air as Dawn opens cover after cover of dusty books, searching.

"What's happened?" Colin's eyes squint and his voice is low and calm. He has been in the presence of Dawn's episodes before, but none of them ever caused him to fear her, or for her. But the anger vibrating through her frame is palpable and he doesn't know how it will manifest itself when it seeks its release. He wants to head off any explosion before it has a chance to build. He just doesn't know how.

"I need to find a demon...something...something that can fool you into thinking it's someone else." She slams shut the book in her hand, pushing it away harshly, apparently not finding what she seeks. Dawn stands up, the chair toppling over from the force of it, and goes to the shelves at the other side of the room, pulling down delicate archives as if they meant nothing to her. Colin rushes to her side to head off any damage.

"Dawn...please-" he crouches down and gathers the texts in his arms, placing them on a nearby table for safe keeping. Turning back to her he follows behind as she walks down the rows, looking at each spine. "Dawn stop." He places a firm hand on her shoulder and she spins around.

Her eyes have gold in them, yes, but they are not glowing; pulsing with the inner light they usually do when she is in this state. Instead, her eyes are only tinged with gold and her normal baby blue can be seen through the layer, making them appear almost green. Bright green. Colin gasps and takes a small step back which he immediately forces himself to regain. She frowns, wondering what could be the cause for such a strong reaction. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open as she imagines what he must be seeing.

"Am I all golden?" She is suddenly pulled out of her wrath as her fear replaces it. Upon hearing the shaky tone of her voice, Colin's protective instincts take over and he takes her arms into his hands pulling her close to him.

"Sorta, yeah." His voice adopts a soft tone, intimate. She squeezes her eyes shut and he feels her tremble against his fingers.  
"It's different though." She looks up at him.

"D-different...how? How different?" The panic is beginning to rise in her voice. "Different scary?"

"No. It's-" he takes her face in his hands, the pads of his thumbs caressing her cheeks soothingly.  
"Wait...you...you're you."

"Huh?" Her brow crinkles in confusion. He notes how cute it is when she does that before his mind goes back to the matter at hand.

"I mean, normally...when your eyes go...uh...golden, you're not you. But now you are. You, I mean."

"Oh...yeah, I am. What does that mean?" She automatically leans into his touch as he smoothes down her hair, calming her.

"I don't know, but it has to be good...I would think." He attempts a small smile. "Do...do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Dawn!" Giles' voice interrupts them as he frantically calls from the foyer. He and Willow speed into the room just as Colin clears his throat and stands back from her, not wanting them to find them in an unseemly position. Ever the gentleman. "Oh, there you are. What's this about Buffy?"

Dawn walks past them, ignoring their reaction to her eyes, and closes the door to the library. Turning around she gestures towards the table. "Sit." They all do.

"Dawnie, your eyes...are you-"

"I'm fine. All me. All Dawn. Listen, we have a much bigger problem than my eye color."  
She shifts uncomfortably, unsure how to reveal what she had seen without going into detail. "I...shit, I don't know how to say this."

"Dawn." Giles softly reprimands her choice of words.

"Sorry...it's just...it's Buffy."

"Did something happen to her? D' you guys have a-a fight?" Willow's concern with Buffy is seconded by her fear for Dawn.  
Her eyes, which have been known to turn gold when she is having an 'amulet moment' are not that color now. Instead  
they are a bright green. Green can only mean one thing, and it is not of the good as far as Willow is concerned.

"I...I was going upstairs to tell her...something...and I heard her...with...someone."

"Who?"

"Spike."

"What?" Giles takes off his glasses and eyes the young woman incredulously. Willow stares, mouth agape.  
Both of them stare in shocked silence.

"Who is Spike?" Colin looks around the group in confusion.

"Long story, Colin." Willow offers before turning back to Dawn. "You said you heard her with him? H-how?  
Some sort of spirit or ghost?"

"No, it's not a ghost. I mean...it could be but...Giles, can ghosts...um...make themselves solid?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, can a ghost make itself...touchable."

"No, not to my knowledge. Wait, are you saying you touched it? Er, Spike?"

"No, not me..."

"Buffy did?" Willow asks.

"Yes...she really did." Dawn wrings her hands in nervous frustration.

"Dawn, I'm sorry...I don't understand." Giles scratches his head. "You heard Buffy with Spike...how do you know she touched the...Spike?"

"I...saw them."

"You actually saw Spike?" Willow shouts inadvertently. "Sorry..." she lowers her voice. "You saw Spike. You actually saw him?" Dawn nods.

"Who is Spike? Why would he be a ghost, is he dead?" Dawn's sudden glare makes Colin very sorry to have asked the question.  
"I'm sorry, but I want to help and I don't understand what's going on."

"That makes two of us, Colin," Giles says without taking his eyes off of Dawn. "You say you saw Spike?"

"I did. I heard them in her room. Well...I didn't know it was him at first, but then I heard his voice. That's when I opened the door and..."

"And?" Dawn looks at Willow imploringly. "What? Dawn?"

"They were...they were having..." She blushes furiously.

"Oh dear lord." Giles shakes his head half in disbelief, half in disgust. "I don't understand this. Dawn, are you absolutely sure you saw this?  
It wasn't just another of your...er...episodes?"

"No!" Dawn's embarrassment turns quickly into anger as she rises from the table and glowers over the older man.  
"It was Spike, it even smelled like him." She holds out her arm in Willow's direction to stop the woman's next question.  
"Don't ask how I could smell him. The point is, he...or something doing a very good impersonation of him...was there. In bed. With Buffy."  
She pauses a moment to allow them all to absorb the information.

"You think it's a demon or do you think it really could be a-a haunting?" Willow asks Giles. 

"Thing is...I know that nothing about that...thing...was Spike. It just wasn't."

"Dawn, how can you know that?" Willow eyes her closely.

"It wasn't." She begins pacing in a small circle, recalling every detail. "For one thing, it didn't even recognize me.  
I looked into its eyes, and there wasn't even a flicker of a connection. And Spike and I were connected...somehow.  
We had a bond. With that _thing_ there was nothing. And then it fled. Spike would never run away. Not like that. Not from us."

"Dawn...where is Buffy now?" Giles asks, trepidation lowering his voice. Dawn turns away exasperated.

"I left her in her room I had to get away from her, I..."

"What." Willow uses a tiny part of her will to make Dawn face her fully. "You what? Finish that."

"I couldn't...I couldn't stay in the same room with her, I was...angry. I was...it hurt." Colin stands and moves towards her. Willow shakes her head imperceptibly, making short eye contact with him. He retreats, against his instincts. Giles rises as well. They are all watching Dawn struggle with the emotions playing out across her features.

"I was...I felt jealous. Oh...god. Oh _god_. I felt betrayed! Like she...like she betrayed me. Oh god...Willow!"  
Dawn doesn't fight the tears as they come and this time Colin steps up and wraps his arms around her,  
turning her to him and holding her; letting her cry into his chest.

"What the hell is going on?" Colin's anger and protectiveness makes Willow smile inwardly. Colin so obviously loves her and she's going to need all the love and support she can get. And very soon, from the looks of things. She steps away from the group and closes her eyes, extending her essence outward. They all feel it and turn to her. Dawn's tears slowly come to a stop as Willow's spirit fills the room, spilling out under the cracks of the doors.

Giles moves over to the doors and opens them. A soft breeze of an exhale leaves the room. It is Willow's power. She sends it throughout the house, seeking, searching for Buffy and for any trace of Spike.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Upstairs Buffy sits curled up on the floor, her flesh still tingling from the feel of his hard body over her.

What had just happened? For the past month she's lived in a comfortable medium. Her days filled with purposeful duty; her work with the council and caring for Dawn. And her nights with a passion she'd long thought lost from her forever.

Buffy's never been a fan of cowardice and suicide, to her, is the coward's way out. She never really understood that kind of despair, even during the year after she'd returned from the grave. She was depressed, yes. More than a little bitter, surely. Never suicidal, though, never that.

But he is gone. And she doesn't know if he's coming back. And if he doesn't come back...  
What point is there in going on?

Now she understands how someone would just want to lay down and give up; to not have to deal with a pain that is so strong it leaves a thick, foul taste on your tongue. So heavy it weighs you down like a ton of bricks; bricks with sharpened nails embedded in them that slice you open...forcing you to bleed, to feel weak and useless.

And she is so very weak.

The moments without him are an empty void, tolerable only because of the love she feels for her friends and family. She lives for those hours in the dark night when he comes to her; lays her out like so much malleable clay and molds her into the woman she was when he was alive.

His touch...god, his touch. She cannot live without it.

So she sits on the floor of her room, not wondering how to explain herself...and him...to Dawn and the others, but hoping against hope that he will return to her. The candles are waning, though, and she knows he won't be back. Not tonight.

Maybe not ever.

And that...that she simply cannot live with. She is so tired. So very, very tired.

A slow, strangled tear slips down her cheek; a last gasp at emotion before she becomes numb. Suddenly an energy, one filled with love and compassion, envelopes her. She raises her head from her knees.

"Spike?" She whispers.

"No, Buffy. It's me. Willow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**A/N:** Oh my goodness, I must apologize profusely for not updating this sooner. And I know this is a short update, but I had to find a breaking point before the next chapter...which is a doozy. Much thanks to you all for being so patient. I'll try not to let RL get in the way again. :]

Thanks so much for your feedback as well. I absolutely adore hearing from you!

~Xio


	8. Hungry For You

Chapter 8 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** Hungry for You - Chapter 8 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Maribel: the most amazing beta in any universe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Rien de dormier cette nuit  
Je veux de toi  
Jusque'a` ce que je sois sec  
Mais nos corps sont tout mouille's  
Comple'tement couvert de sueur  
Nous nous noyons dans la mare'e  
Je n'ai aucun de'sir  
Tu as ravage' mon coeur  
Et mois j'ai bu ton sang  
Mais non pouvons faire ce que nous voulons  
J'aurais toujours faim de toi. -Sting  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Willow, Willowhe's gone._

_I know sweetie._

_He was here and now he's_

_It wasn't him._

_YES! Yes, it was, he-_

_No, sweetheart. It wasn't your love. It wasn't your heart, Buffy.  
It wasn't your Spike._

_How can you SAY that? You don't know! You weren't here! You didn't see him!  
Touch him! FEEL him!_

_And did you?_

__

_Yes. He waseverywhere._

_Did he tell you he loved you?_

_Yesyes, always._

_He lied. Hewasn't capable of loving you._

_LIAR!_

_No, Buffy, you know it._

_NO! Spike loved me! SpikeI was his world. He was mine!_

_Yes, Buffy. You are right: you and Spike shared a love beyond measure, but that - the one  
that was with you - that wasn't Spike._

_No, i-itIt was him. I felt-_

_Alone. You felt alone and then he came to you._

_Yes, so alone._

_You were grieving for him, for Spike, and then he came._

_Yes! God, yes. He came back to me._

_No._

_No?_

_No._

_Yes, he did._

_No._

_But-_

_No._

_He came to me, loved me-_

_No._

_Why? Why do you keep saying 'no'?  
Are you trying to hurt me? Trying to kill me?_

_No, Buffy. But, I believe that deep down, you know the truth._

_Thetruth?_

_The truth. It wasn't Spike. It isn't Spike._

_Spike. Spiiikkke._

_Shhhh. Buffy, I need you to tell me._

_Wh-what?_

_Tell me when he first appeared._

_I-I dunno._

_How long has hehave you How long?_

_A mo-month? Six weeks? I-I don't know.  
HeI love him so much, Willow and it hurt._

_I know, Buffy. I know.  
Butwhen he comes, is it only at night?_

_Yes._

_Tell me about the first night, Buffy._

_I'm cold, Willow._

_Where are you?_

_On thethe floor. I'm lying on the floor._

_Get up, get into bed. Get warm._

_But he's not there. No one's there.  
It's so empty._

_Buffy._

_Ok._

__

_Now tell me._

_I lit the candles. I love the candles so much. I lit them and I was watching them dance.  
II was sleepy, and beginning to dream. Of him. Always of him, Willow_

Buffy dozed peacefully between the glowing warmth of her room and the familiar reminiscence of her dreams where he would meet her; smirking, joking. Loving.

The billowing of the curtains met her lazy gazes when her eyes did occasionally open. She vaguely remembered closing the window before turning in, but seeing it open didn't alarm her. She was only mildly curious as she laid waiting for sleep to claim her.  
The dancing light of the candelabra, a now-necessary part of her evening, lulled her. She watched the figures in the silver wink and laugh at her, occasionally blowing her kisses, which made her laugh. She felt almost giddy.

Her dream pulled her under, promising his smile, his touch. She welcomed it with open arms. It began simply enough with his voice saying her name. _Buffy_. Then a soft caress.

_Mmmmm he's touching me, my hair._

_He loved your hair, Buffy._

_Loves._

_Yes, loves._

The touch traveled down, fluttering across her eyelids. She felt breath tickling her skin; could almost make out words in the murmurings. The sheet peeled slowly away from her, revealing the dusty rose of her nipples to the night's breezes. She gasped. She could feel the tongue - his tongue - making wide circles around her sensitive flesh.

_Oh, Spike._

Her body responded to his hands and mouth; her back arched. Moans escaped her throat. It had never been like this. Never so very real to her. Light kisses on her stomach and lower.

_Ohhhh._

_Concentrate, Buffy. Open your eyes. What do you see?_

_Spike._

_You see him?_

_Yesand n-no. He'sthere, but not there._

_Can youcan you see through him?_

_Yes! Like a window. But it's him. It's him._

_No, butcontinue. Look around the room. What else do you see?_

Strong fingers parted her legs and they complied willingly. Buffy's head rolled to the side, her eyes opened slowly to the vision of the candelabra. The silver-carved faces had changed. They were observing her; observing them. Hungry eyes feasted on their lovemaking. Their mouths slack with desire, lust anddarker things. Buffy wanted to look harder, but he had found her wanting. He lowered himself between her velvet thighs and lapped at her juices. "_J'aurais toujours faim de toi_." She cried out at the sound of his voice, shutting her eyes. Her mind hadn't processed the other tiny voices she'd heard, all crying out with her.

_Buffy?   
Buffy._

_Buffy, it's ok. Rest now. Sleep deeply and let nothing disturb you until you hear my voice._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They avoid Willow as she stands in the doorway, working her magic.

Colin had been the one to ask why she simply hadn't gone to Buffy, rather than choosing to communicate with her this way. Dawn had calmly explained that her sister probably would have run away, had anyone gone near her.

Since that exchange over an hour ago, they'd silently resumed their research. No one knows what to look for, but keeping busy is better than doing nothing. At the very least, it calms Dawn down and her episode subsides; her eyes resuming their peaceful blue, much to Colin's relief.

The pair sits close: Dawn seeking comfort and reassurance; Colin a bit of the same. It does not go unnoticed.

"ErColin." Giles removes his glasses and addresses the younger man in a hushed tone. "Why don't you and Dawn go for a walk? I'm sure she could use some fresh air, and I believe we all could use a break. Willow will have more information when sheis finished, I'm sure."

Colin didn't respond, simply made eye contact with Dawn who smiled in relief. He turned back to the Watcher and nodded, smiling. The two of them slipped out of the side door leaving Giles to observe Willow.

He allows his eyes to follow the lines of her face. Her eyes are closed, and there is a hint of a smile on her lips, although her brow is creased. He wonders what is happening in that fascinating mind of hers.

Realizing that he has stopped mere inches from her face, his hands hover in front of him as if to touch her. He mentally chastises himself and walks determinedly away and back over to the table. His growing affection for Willow is becoming a problem. When they'd received the urgent call from Dawn, they had been having dinner at a nearby bistro. He had finally gotten up the nerve to confront her on their newfound attraction. That, or confirm that it was all just in his age-addled mind; for how could a creature so advanced, so exquisite as her ever, ever want...him?

Fatigue overwhelms him suddenly, as he plops down into the chair and he doesn't even attempt to stifle the yawn. He decides to rest his eyes for a moment and leans his head on his arm, which rests on the table.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You alright?" Colin wraps an arm around Dawn as they stroll the rear grounds. The night sky is waning as daybreak threatens. The city is asleep, as even the birds haven't stirred. It is an eerie silence that makes Dawn uncomfortable. She huddles closer.

"YeahI-I'll be fine, thanks." She offers a tiny smile.

"No need to thank me, Dawn. I don't need an excuse to want to be close to you." That earns a genuine smile and Colin returns it. They walk in peace for a few minutes before coming to a stone bench at the edge of the rose garden. "This is a beautiful place, even at night."

"It is. Giles and Willow - they wanted it to be serene, rejuvenating. They wanted it to be lovely."

"They succeeded." He responds, looking her directly in the eye. Dawn blushes, ducking her head. "Was thatam I being too forward?"

"Are you serious?" Dawn laughs.

"Yes, quite."

They study each other for a few moments before he leans in to place a gentle kiss on her lips. He pulls back and searches her eyes for any sign that he is stepping over his boundaries, but Dawn merely smiles. Her lips part in invitation and he lowers his mouth to hers once more.

This time they are barely touching. Their lips slide against one another's in a butterfly kiss. Colin lifts his hand into Dawn's thick hair and pulls her closer. The kiss slowly deepens, tapping into a desire that Dawn didn't know she had. Her tongue moves tentatively to meet his and he gently circles it with his own. She wraps her arms around his neck as he envelops her waist.

_This_, she thinks. _This is what it feels like._

Dawn's head is spinning when the kiss ends just as gently as it began. It isn't that they've never kissed before, it's that he has never shown her how he really felt. Sometimes, being younger, her insecurities all but convinced her that she was just a child trying to win the affections of a man. But over the last few months, since her party, Colin has never treated her like anything but a lady. And his increasing devotion to her has manifested itself in only the best of ways.

He has become her best friend, but aside from a few chaste kisses and looks of longing, he hadn't really expressed interest in anything more.

Until now.

"Dawn." Just the one word says everything she needs to hear right now, and she gives him a glowing smile, her eyes fluttering with relief. She remembers the heartbreak of her schoolgirl crush on Xander. He laughs softly, shaking his head.

"We're both pretty silly, if you ask me." He runs his fingers through her hair.

"Why do you say that?" She closes her eyes and leans into his touch.

"I've been bloody terrified of telling you"

"What?" Her eyes open half-lidded into his; a pale blue that holds the key to his heart.

"Dawnyou do realize that I'm in love with you. Don't you?" He holds his breath, waiting for her to run. She blinks and then her smile illuminates the night.

"I love you too, Colin," she replies quietly.

"You do?"

"Yeah." She wraps her arms around him and they hold each other.

"Thank God." He whispers and they both laugh. "I'd have felt a right fool, mooning after you that way I've been if you didn't-"

"But I do, silly. I mean, duh - I made it pretty obvious." Colin feigns deep-thought for a moment.

"Yes, actually, you did." Dawn pulls back from him in mock offense.

"Are you saying I was obvious?" She laughs incredulously.

"Well I'm not blind, you know." He winks, smiling and pushing a stray hair out of her eyes. She giggles before they both fall silent again.

"I love you."

"I love you too." They sit and he pulls her into his lap. She rests her head on his shoulder, yawning.

"Knackered?" She nods. "Have a siesta." He cradles her in his arms, running smooth circles on her back. She soon dozes off, exhausted from the day. Colin alternates between watching her and watching the lightening sky. He silently thanks whoever is responsible for bringing this girl to him from across the sea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rupert."

Willow lays a gentle hand on his arm and squeezes. He surfaces from a black and dreamless sleep, the kind only true exhaustion can provide, to the sight of her ice blue gaze. He has a sudden and strong urge to kiss her and this makes him jump back from her touch. She only smiles, though. He fumbles to replace his glasses and clear his throat.

"Did youwere you able to glean any information?" He stammers nervously, trying to quell his awareness of her slim figure beneath the gossamer fabric of her white peasant top. He is annoyed at this strange wave of lust, not that it is new, but that it chose this moment to manifest itself.

"Yes, and we're gonna need to act quickly." She sighs, sinking into a chair. Giles straightens up in concern.

"What is it?"

"I thinkI'm pretty sure it's an incubus."

"An in-I haven't heard of one so strong in a very long time, are you sure?"

"No, not 100%, but I think it's tied to that." She points to the candelabra that she retrieved from Buffy's quarters after the girl had fallen to sleep.

"It's exquisite." Giles traces the carvings with his fingertips. Noting the warmth, he looks up at Willow for confirmation.

"Yeah, it's warmalmost human warm. You know? 98.6?"

"How odd."

"Yeah, but that's not all. Did you get a look at the carvings?"

"Yes, they're quite extraordinary in their detail."

"Look again." Giles frowns a bit but he takes another look, adjusting his glasses, and is surprised to find that the figures have changed. Or, more accurately their faces have changed. Instead of being angelic and graceful as they were a moment ago, they are now menacing.

"This is an enchanted piece. And you believe that this is the talisman for an incubus?" Willow nods. "Well, where did it come from? Was it something she purchased somewhere?"

"I dunno...but the creature is almost definitely attached to it, somehow."

Colin and Dawn enter the room and approach the table, taking seats near the object. Dawn stares intently at it, frowning. She feels an unidentifiable twinge in her stomach. She almost wants to label it 'wrath'. They all study the candelabra while Willow recounts what Buffy told her.

"It's the only thing I can connect to all of the occurrences. She said that she lit it the first night heappeared to her and every night since then."

"So, you think the candlelight attracts the thing? Well, this specific candlelight?"

"Yes, I think the incubus uses it, but how I don't know." 

"I believe I do." 

"You've seen this piece before?"

"Uh, no. But if you're talking about a creature attached to candlelight, I believe we may be dealing with a liderc demon."

"A _liderc_?" Giles removes his glasses in shock. "Are youthere hasn't been a substantiated case in centuries."

"It's just a theory, sir."

"Wait, somebody please explain to me what this lee-" Dawn turns away from the object to focus on the conversation.

"Liderc. It'swell, it's an old Hungarian wives' tale, really, although there a-are cases documented in France and Spain.  
The liderc is an incubus that preys on widows, using their grief to obtain their life essence in order to sustain itself."  
Giles strains to pull the facts from his memory.

"Yes, Mr. Giles, that's partially true." Colin shifts uncomfortably. "A liderc is no ordinary incubus, though. The liderc is able to travel through fire. The smallest flame can be a conduit. If this silver piece is truly a home to one of these things, then it must be very strong indeed."

"I don't understand." Dawn frowns in confusion. "What does it do, run around _sleeping_ with lonely women?"

"Well, it uses the woman's despair to win its way into her heart and her bed. It usually comes to her in dreams and seduces her, in the guise of her lost loved one."

"Soit's just a sort of a horny demon? Chatting up grieving widows?"

"No, Dawn. The lidercit's very...dangerous." Giles offers, looking to Willow and Colin for help explaining.

"Yes." Colin supplies. "It will continue totap into the woman's life force until there is...nothing left of her. And then it moves on." Dawn's mouth drops open in disbelief.

"So, this _thing_ that's beenwith Buffyit's slowly killing her? That's why she's been so tired and withdrawn?"

"Yes." Willow sighs, deep in thought.

"But we've stopped it, right? We can melt this thing down and it'll be dead, right?"

"I'm afraid it isn't that simple." Giles replies.

"This oneDawn, you _saw_ it." Colin shakes his head, clearly disturbed.

"I-I don't understand."

"You saw it." Willow fills in. "It was strong enough to appear solid to you."

"I take it that's not supposed to happen."

"No, it isn't." Giles' voice is grim. "It ususally only appears to the...the victim."

"Soi-it's strong. So what? How do we kill it before it kills Buffy?"

The silence is deafening as Dawn looks around the room.

"Ihave an idea." Willow says finally. "We can't take the chance of destroying the candelabra and having it not work. We need to get it back here andtrap it, somehow."

"How do we do that?" Giles studies the object more closely.

"Buffy." Willow meets each set of eyes, noting their apprehension.

"You want to use heras a lure?" Colin looks at Willow with concern.

"We have to, it's her that it wants."

"Wait, you're gonna use Buffy as bait? Didn't you just say that this thing is _killing_ her?" Dawn's voice rises. Colin places a hand on her back in an attempt to keep her calm.

"We may have to, if we want to save her Dawn." Giles addresses the young girl, but his eyes rest firmly in Willow's in an unspoken communication.

This _has_ to work.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**A/N:** OK, so I am very, very, very late with this. And to make up for it, I absolutely _promise_ to post the next chapter in the next 2 or 3 days. It's actually finished, but I want to let this one sink in before I post the next. ;]

On to your feedback:  
**Spikealicious:** Was it what you thought, hmmm? I know, it is quite a dilemma, but I think I can do it justice.  
**Carol:** Thanks so much, I hope you continue to enjoy the ride.  
**Lia:** You know, those heartstrings make the lovliest, most melancholy music. ;]  
**Kumi:** Yeah, Dawn is in for a wild ride...and Spike will be weaving and ducking with her. Oops! A hint!  
**Ali:** This particular mystery will soon be solved, but not the big one. Not quite yet. Can't give it all away at once, right?  
**Heather:** Sorry this is late, sweetie, but I hope it's worth it.  
**Mar ala:** You have to be wringing your hands by now. [LOL] Don't worry, I'll take good care of everyone.  
**Mon:** Hope this one answered some of your questions, at least. And more will be revealed in a few more days.  
**Mary Rose: **That's such a lovely compliment, thank you. :]  
**Cass:** So glad you were able to track me down. Welcome back!  
**Ranaslayer:** You're reviews are much more entertaining than my chapters. :] I will explain more about Dawn's changing eye-color shortly, but first things first. You're absolutely right about Buffy's state of mind and I will let her and the group deal with what she's been hiding for almost a year. In fact, this episode will have lasting ramifications throughout the series, I think.

Til next time!

~Xio

TBC Chapter 9: La Belle Dame Sans Regrets


	9. La Belle Dame Sans Regrets

Chapter 9 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** La Belle Dame Sans Regrets - Chapter 9 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Maribel: the most amazing beta in any universe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Tu ments, ma soeur  
Tu brises mon coeur  
Je pense, tu sais  
Erreurs, jamais  
J'ecoute, tu parles  
Je ne comprends pas bien  
La belle dame sans regrets -Sting  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow's voice calls Buffy back to consciousness. She wakes to a room softly illuminated by candles, firelight and the occasional stray beam of daylight peeking through her closed curtains.

Willow, Giles, Colin and Dawn stand in one corner of the room, cloaked by a bit of Willow's magic. To anyone else, Buffy appears to be alone.

She shifts in the bed and looks over at the familiar gold dancing in the silver. The carvings writhe and smile under her gaze.

He is near.

He doesn't stir the window this time; instead he steps out of the flame of her fireplace. Buffy sits up, her eyes wide with joy and confusion.

"Spike." She whispers.

"My love."

"I thought you'd never return." Soft tears drip down her cheeks as she holds her arms out to him. "Afterwhat happened before-"

"She doesn't matter to me, my sweet. Only you." He smiles a slow, promising smile crossing the short distance to her. He sits on the side of the bed and strokes her cheek with the back of his hand. "We will be together forever, my darling." He rests his hand on hers.

"Yesoh yes, please William."

He frowns.

"Spike."

She frowns.

"Yes, Spike."

"You called me William. Who is he?" There is a twinge of jealously in his voice. Buffy blinks, a slow awareness creeping over her.

_This is not Spike?_

"N-no one."

"Is there someone else enjoying your _affections_, sweetness?" He smiles, but it does not reach his eyes. His hand squeezes hers a little more forcefully than is pleasant. Buffy laughs it off, her mind racing through her conversation with Willow.

"Of course not, silly. I only love" _This is not Spike. _"Spike." She smiles sweetly. His jaw tenses for a moment but then he relaxes, leaning in to kiss her. She moves her head away.

"What is it, my love?" The danger edges back into his voice.

"Nothing." _You are not Spike!_ "It's justwe haven't really talked i-in a long time. I want to know, where have you been?"

"I cannot tell you, love, you know that. Please do not ask again."

"Yeah, but _why_ can't you tell me?"

"Why do you want to know?" His nostrils flare as he fights to disguise his rising anger. "Isn't it enough that I'm here? Why must you question it? Oram I not enough for you?"

"_Spike_ is more than enough for me." She answers carefully, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and casually breaking contact with him. "You, on the other hand, are not Spike."

Willow and the others fight the urge to gasp and say 'Go Buffy!'

"Don't be silly." 'Spike' rises from the bed and approaches her, smiling graciously. "No one else can love you like I do." He embraces her and she doesn't pull away, though inside she recoils. His voice drops intimately. "And no one else can make you feellike this."

His hand drops to her breast, a thumb grazing her nipple, and she has to close her eyes. The feeling of his touch sends shockwaves through her. He nuzzles her neck as his other hand slides around to squeeze her bottom. He supports most of her weight as the hand on her breast falls to her sex, cupping it. She moans, all previous thoughts flying from her head.

Giles taps Willow on the shoulder but she signals for him to be patient.

'Spike' whispers words of love into Buffy's skin as he licks her neck and nibbles on her ear. She is melting into him, overcome with a wave of lust and need. He slips his hand inside her pants, finding her wet with want, and fingers her clit. She jumps and shakes, climaxing immediately. She is so far gone in the pleasure that she doesn't notice how the silver candelabra begins to glow a bright blue and the flames leap on the tips of the candles.  
'Spike' moans as a mist floats from the candelabra to him, enveloping them both.

"_Visidalis._" Willow whispers and the veil that was shielding them falls. They rush the couple silently, Willow in the lead.

"_Arretare!_" She throws her hand up towards the demon and he is held suspended. Buffy collapses into Giles' arms. He and Colin move her to safety while invisible breezes whip through the air. They brush past Dawn whose eyes have taken on their familiar golden hue. Her hair whips in the air as she comes up in front of the demon. Willow stands behind. They clasp hands on either side of it. Willow begins to chant.

"I call upon the great powers of the north. Your son of fire seeks rest. Let him not bring harm to those whom have sought your protection."

A bluish white circle appears above their heads. Dawn glances up, tempted to shield her eyes, but Willow hold her grasp.

"Power of Light. Power of Love. The fire burns, but water heals." Willow's voice bellows through the din of the whirlwind. "_Now! _Dawn, now!"  
Dawn and Willow release each other and step back as the creature regains movement. 

"Buffy!" The demon shrieks.

His eyes are wild with anger and he spins about, looking for her. Instead, his gaze falls upon Willow and then Dawn. He freezes, looking back and forth between then, as if deciding which one to attack. Catching his attention, Willow swipes at the candelabra. He smacks her arm and it burns where he touched her. Dawn attacks from the other side and he goes after her, but stays under the circle which he has yet to notice.

"Willow!" Giles cries out as the circle begins to collapse.

_Wait._ Her voice echoes in his head and he backs up. Willow and Dawn take turns batting after the candelabra until the demon finally grabs it protectively. As he does, Willow and Dawn hold out their arms to reform the arc of the circle, but do not touch each other. The light above crackles and widens, stretching until it begins to drip to the floor around the demon. He hisses.

The circle continues its descent, forming a blue cylinder that encases the liderc. Willow and Dawn chant together.

"_Aquarum. Aquarum. Aquarum._"

The liderc screams in agony as the circle turns into a pillar of water. The others watch in horror as his form begins to morph. The face, body and hair color all changing rapidly, no doubt impressions of the men he had been throughout the centuries. Finally the form melts into nothing but a pure, golden light; trapped inside the blue of the water. The silver candelabra pools into the liquid, absorbed by it. Terrible howls fill the air as the creature disintegrates. Finally there is nothing left but the sound of the wind.

"_Cessant._" Willow whispers and it all fades away as quickly as it appeared. The air goes quite still. The four of them are breathing heavily as the room falls quiet.

"Willow." Giles' eyes beam with pride and admiration. "You- you did it!" Willow smiles as she and Dawn approach the men who still hold the form of the unconscious Slayer. All of them check her for any signs of injury.

"Let's get her into the bed." Dawn guides them and covers her sister with the duvet after Colin lays her down. She sits beside her and smoothes back her hair, kissing her forehead. 

"She's going to be fine, now." Willow places a reassuring hand on Dawn's shoulder.

"I know, Willow." Dawn sighs. "I just wish..."

"You wish she would have told us what she was really feeling...all these months." Giles says softly.

"Yes. We could have..."

"She's always been one to keep her problems to herself, Dawnie." Willow speaks softly as she waves her hands above the sleeping Slayer. She searches her soul and finds it broken with despair. Tears form in her eye as she thinks of how hard it will be for her friend to recover from this.

"I know, but I thought we'd gotten closer. I thought she wasn't keeping things from me anymore. Not after everything we've been through."

"You are, Dawn. You guys are closer than I've ever seen you." Willow takes Dawn's face in her hands. Giles and Colin stand back a little to give them room. "She loves you, Dawn. And we all know you love her. Don't think that, just because she chose to hide her grief from you, that she loves you any less. Sometimes...sometimes grief is too personal."

"But she could have _died_, Willow." Dawn sniffles. She searches Willow's face for some understanding and she finds it.

"I know, sweetie. I know, but she didn't. And she is going to need you...and all of us...to be there for her." Willow looks back to her friend; her face the picture of sadness. "This...oh goddess...losing him a _second_ time...I-I don't know..."

"Yeah." Dawn says softly. They all stare at Buffy's sleeping form, the torment of the events already etched in her countenance.  
"We should let her rest. And I still wanna figure out where that thing came from." She turns to Willow. "Are you sure it's gone?"

"Oh, it's gone. But if it will make you feel better, I'll leave a shield over her while she sleeps. Just something to ward off any lingering evil."

"Thanks Will." Dawn allows Willow to lead her away from the bed. Quietly, they all file out of the room, closing the door behind them. The morning sun shines brightly in the hall windows. They have been up all night.

"Well...it's morning, isn't it?" Giles yawns. "I-if you're hungry, I could have something prepared." Despite fighting his fatigue, Giles understands Dawn's need to get to the bottom of this; even if the threat is gone.

"Some tea, Mr. Giles, would be nice." Colin leads Dawn down the steps behind Willow and the older Watcher.

"Is that the British answer to everything?" Dawn jokes half-heartedly as they reach the landing. Everyone chuckles lightly. Colin is about to respond when Dawn suddenly goes into convulsions. She crumples towards the ground; the only thing breaking her fall is Colin's quick thinking as he catches her.

"Dawn?" The chorus of three converges upon her.

"Oh god, get her into the room there!" Giles rushes ahead and clears the pillows off the largest sofa. Colin quickly lays her down and Willow comes to her side.

Dawn's eyes are rolling in her head, golden flashes bright as the sun blinding them all. Giles and Colin have to shield their eyes.

"God! What is happening to her?" Colin falls to his knees, throwing his weight on her legs in an attempt to keep them down as she is thrashing.

"Willow, what is it?" Giles asks frantically. Willow closes her eyes and scans the young woman, her white hair damp and clinging to her forehead. All at once her mouth flies open and a piercing scream emerges.

"NO!" Giles grabs her.

"Willow!"

"NO! SPIKE...DAWN...NOOOOO!!" Her body goes rigid in Giles' hands and then she collapses in his arms. At the same time Dawn's convulsions stop.

Both women are unconscious as the men eye each other nervously, having no idea in hell what to do.

"Colin, get on the phone and call Richard. I'll call the coven. We need help _now_!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'There couldn't possibly be someone buzzing me at this ungodly hour.' Wesley thinks to himself. Reluctantly shifting from a very comfortable position, he rolls over in his bed to glance at the clock. He winces when the red numbers confirm that it is, indeed, 3:17AM.

"Oh...good lord." He grumbles. "Yes?" He hauls himself upright and runs groggy hands through his hair before feeling around the nightstand for his glasses. "What is it? I'm coming!" He doesn't bother throwing on a shirt as he shuffles to the front door of his new apartment. Whoever it is doesn't deserve the courtesy of a fully clad ex-Watcher. Stopping one more moment to shake himself awake, he looks through the peephole at the slightly familiar face on the other side and unlocks on the door.

"This had better bloody well be of the utmost importance." He addresses his unannounced guest as he swings it open.

"Terribly sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wyndham-Price sir." The fair-haired young man in the smart suit certainly knows the way to a gentlemen's good side. Flattery will get you...well...it won't get the door slammed in your face. Wesley recognizes him from the Wolfram and Hart archives office, but can't recall a name to go with it.

"What is it...er...?"

"Brendan, sir. Brendan Fitzwater." The young man bows slightly in introduction. Wesley's sleep-fuzzed brain recognizes the mark of good breeding with amusement.

"Yes alright, Brendan, what is it that you have to drag me out of bed at such an obscene hour?" He doesn't bother to stifle the ragged yawn as it creeps over him.

"Yes, sir, about that...I'm terribly sorry, but this is very...important." Brendan stammers.

"What is?"

"This...sir." Brendan hands the man a small package. Wesley takes it, his curiosity winning out over his fatigue. He adjusts his glasses and looks up at the messenger.

"Wellwhat is it?" He eyes the small, rectangular package, noting the lack of markings. "And where did it come from?" Brendan looks back and forth between his superior and the parcel. A note of apprehension hangs in the air about him. Wesley frowns, tilting his head. His senses are awakening to the fact that this man is very uncomfortable at the moment. The younger man shifts from foot to foot, under the increasingly intense scrutiny. Wesley, taking pity on the youngster, waves him inside.

"Where are my mannersplease, do come in."

Closing the door behind him, his attention falls back to the package in his hand. He gestures for Brendan to sit in the oversized armchair and then takes the couch for himself, gently placing the package on the coffee table.

"So" Wesley feels the seamless brown paper wrapped around the thing. He doesn't know if it is his imagination, but it feels almost warm. He glances up at his guest. "Are you going to tell me what my gift is? Or should I guess?" 

"I-I'm afraid I'm just the courier, sir." Brendan adjusts his tie in an obvious sign of discomfort. Taking in his demeanor, Wesley eyes the man suspiciously.

"Who sent this?" He points at the parcel. "Sent you?" Brendan's eyes meet his for a moment before he quickly looks away. Wesley frowns.

"I'm not at liberty to say, sir." He firmly fixes his eyes on the floor.

"I beg your pardon?" Wesley lets out a sharp, incredulous laugh. "Youyou were sent here with-with this and at this hour and you're not at liberty to say?" Brendan, seemingly drawing on some reserve of nerves deep inside, turns to Wesley and looks him straight in the eye.

"No." A beat passes. "Sir." Wesley's mouth drops open to say something, but he shuts it quickly, suddenly tired of the exchange. Brendan, no matter how sharply dressed, could possibly be a lackey. The matter at hand is the package and now he feels awake enough to handle whatever is inside.

"Were you instructed to sit there while I open it?" Brendan's demeanor shifts into something that Wesley, under different circumstances, would call cool composure. At this moment, is seems more like his training is kicking in. The sudden shift makes Wesley wary of the contents of the nondescript parcel. The younger man meets his eyes nonplussed.

"I was instructed, sir, to assist youin anyway you should require it." There is a hint of a smile on the man's lips. Curious, Wesley re-assesses his original measure of him.

"Assistance."

"Yes sir."

"With?"

"Whatever you require, sir." Brendan does smile now, and Wesley returns it. It isn't often that one comes across someone so adept at such melodramatic secrecy. He finds it somewhat amusing.

"Very well then, let's see what you've brought me." Wesley leans over the package and, using the ball of a pen, slices into the wrapping paper.

The first thing he notices is the heat emanating from it. The initial blast, when he peels back the first protective layer, causes him to jump away startled. He glances up at his visitor with renewed interest.

"What...department do you work in, Brendan? Archives?" He narrows his eyes at the young man who returns his gaze steadily.

"Yes sir." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Archival _recovery_, to be exact." Wesley's eyebrows reach for the ceiling.

Archival Recovery, or as it came to be known back in his Council days the "Lost and Found," was the grim job of recovering lost artifacts and valuable texts. It almost always entailed unseemly situations and inherent danger. Archivists were the bread and butter of the Council, and Wesley suspects the same to be true of Wolfram and Hart. If their archives were as...guarded...as the Council's, then their recoverists were probably just as dangerous; not to mention unpredictable. 

Wesley leans back away from the object and rests on the back cushions of the couch; once again reassessing his guest.

"Is this a recovery?" He holds Brendan's gaze and is only slightly surprised at the smile curling the other man's lips. He is willing to bet that it is and that Brendan had been the man to retrieve it. The only questions were what is it and why bring it to him in the pre-dawn hours; and at home.

"Yes sir. My own." Brendan's expression can only be described as 'proud'. He confirms all of Wesley's predilections with one, arrogant smirk.

"Ah." Wesley studies him for a few more heartbeats and then he returns to the task at hand. "Well...let's see why you've dragged me out of bed, shall we?"

With the paper finally gone, Wesley fingers the seams of the box, trying to find the leverage to pry it open. His nails dig into the juncture and the lid pops up; falling back onto the table.

Neither Wesley nor Brendan sees it touch the smooth tabletop. They've both covered their eyes from the blinding light.  
They can't hear each other yelling due to the wails that emanate from the light itself.

Backing away form the object in unison, the men are able to get their bearings. Wesley shakes off the initial shock of light and the noise. He checks on the younger man, who appears to be enraptured by the vision before him.

When Wesley looks up at the pool of light in the center of his living room, he distinguishes the form of a man inside. Agonizing screams are coming from that figure and it is a gut-wrenching sound.

He suddenly wishes he were still in bed sound asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**A/N:** I wanted to have this chapter up on Friday, but like an idiot I'd erased the beta'd version and Maribel had to rescue me.  
Have I told you how much I adore her? Well, I do.

On to your feedback:  
**Spikealicious:** Of course Spike is coming back, and it won't be too much longer. I enjoy yur work as well, so it seems we have a mutual admiration society on our hands. ;]  
**Pattyanne:** Pins and needles, eh? I think it'll be well worth it.  
**Mary Rose:** Sorry for the delay. My goal is to get 1 - 2 chapters up per week. Hope that makes you smile!  
**Jerusha:** I love it that no one can figure this one out. I love to keep you guessing. ;]  
**Mar ala:** Not much longer, sweetie, I promise. Just enjoy the ride.  
**Ranaslayer:** You're right, I am being hard on Buffy. She will be rewarded, though. Honest, I won't pull a 'Joss'. LOL

Til next time!

~Xio

TBC Chapter 10: Another Day


	10. Another Day

Chapter 10 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** Another Day - Chapter 10 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Maribel and Pam: the most amazing betas in any universe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
It's hard to tell the poison from the cure  
Harder still to know the reason why  
The only thing I really know for sure  
Is that another day's gone by -Sting  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He'd always wondered what it would be like when he finally got to hold her fragile and sleeping form in his arms for the first time. What he'd imagined was certainly nothing like this. He'd never pictured the mind-numbing fear that could accompany something so...sublime as cradling his beautiful Dawn as she slept.

Colin runs his fingers through the length of her hair spilling over his arm. So silky, shiny and perfect – just like she is to him. He watches the rise and fall of her chest with her even breathing. She looks as if she is in a simple and peaceful repose, but he knows better. Willow had hinted at the war raging inside her. Of the other being that could be inhabiting part of her. This Spike' person...no, not a person. A vampire.

A vampire with a soul.

Willow had been briefly unconscious after the convulsions ceased, and when she came to she spoke frantically; first to Giles, then on the phone with the women of the Coven, and finally to Colin.

Giles had replaced his couch-side vigil as Dawn's guardian while he stepped away to speak with the powerful witch. The Goddess. Although he's spent a lot of time around her, she still unnerves him greatly. Something about having that much power at her fingertips...it seems unnatural, to him.

And then she'd told him. Everything. Not in words, because there wasn't time, worse yet she'd showed him and oh god. Oh. God. He'd begun to tremble. With anger. With fear. With a paralyzing sense of uselessness, as there was nothing he could do but be there for her.'

But it all made some sort of sick sense. The eyes, the strange lapses into British colloquialisms, all of it fit together in his mind to form a grotesque tapestry of the horror that must be her life. His lovely girl.

He despises this Spike', no matter how noble he'd become. It's an irrational feeling towards someone that saved the world, but it's there nonetheless. Colin could never feel otherwise towards someone that's caused Dawn so much pain; however inadvertently.

He leans forward and places a feathery kiss on her forehead, whispering in soothing tones even as she grimaces in a fitful sleep.

Sweet, sweet girl. I'll not let anyone harm you. We'll get through this, you and me. I promise. He leans against the back of the couch, cradling her in his arms, and waits. For something...anything...to bring her back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richard sits perfectly still as Giles recounts the events of the past eighteen hours. The younger man's pacing back and forth around the small study in the telling of the, rather startling, tale has lulled him into stupor. He simply cannot fathom it.

I just...I can't believe it.

Believe it, Richard. We were all here to witness it. Giles removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. Having been on his feet for nearly two days, the exhaustion is taking its toll. Couple that with the emotional strain of the day, and it is all he can do not to collapse in a heap on the floor. The candelabra was a conduit...a-a vessel in which the thing lived and through which it traveled, when the candles were lit.

But a liderc. Here. Now, in these times. It's...

I know. Giles' voice cracks from fatigue. He slumps into a leather armchair, fortuitously close to a decanter of scotch. He absentmindedly chooses a glass and fills it; his limbs moving on auto-pilot. He takes three full swallows before English manners get the better of him and he offers some to Ostriak.

No...Thank you. Richard still cannot wrap his mind around this unfortunate turn of events.

He'd procured the silver candelabra, as a gift for the Slayer, in order to demonstrate his goodwill towards her. Not that he thought he'd be able to buy into her good graces, but having his present turn into such an instrument of horror - well, it isn't going to help him get any closer to her. If anything, she and hers will be ever more cautious of his motives, and he really doesn't want that.

I assure you, Rupert, I had no idea at all that this...that the... He spreads his hands at his loss of words.

No, no of course not, Richard. We know that, old friend. It was...an unfortunate accident. No one thinks anything ill of you. Giles offers a thin and weary smile. Richard exhales a breath of silent relief.

Is...is there anything I can do? To assist? Giles takes another sip of the calming liquid.

Er, no. We have the more pressing matter of Dawn at hand, but we'll do some...some research... He yawns.

Dear fellow, you're done in. You need to rest.

Yes, I am rather...but I cannot. Not while Dawn is... He groans in frustration. Turning to face Richard, the anguish in his slate blue eyes is unmistakable. Whatever am I to do, Richard? That girl...those girls...Buffy...Dawn...I couldn't bear to lose either of them. Why wasn't I paying attention to what was happening? Why didn't I see the downward spiral?

He runs his hand roughly through his hair.

She's become so thin, so removed – Buffy has – and I said nothing. _Nothing_. And Dawn's...spells...they haven't disappeared, only lessened in their frequency. Why did I think that was enough? He stands, slamming the tumbler down on the table in his anger. What have I been bloody doing all this bloody time, while my children disintegrate right before me?

Richard is stunned. His children'? He'd had no idea Rupert felt so strongly about the Summers' girls; no inkling of the paternal bond he seems to have with them. Observing him with Buffy, he'd noted a particularly strained relationship. He had seen nothing that would suggest this level of emotional involvement; had observed nothing more than genuine Watcher-pride in her accomplishments and the typical student/teacher tension whenever they worked together. Nothing ever suggested he'd harbored deeper feelings for his charge and her sister.

The sister. Now _there_ is an interesting puzzle-piece indeed. No slayer in recorded history has ever had siblings, so why this one? The more he's thought about it, the more he's wanted to ask Rupert about that little tidbit. Something about the whole scenario isn't quite right. But short of reading Giles' journals, which are kept in his personal rooms, the only other way to get the information he seeks is by asking the source.

I lost her once. His voice is so soft, that Richard has to lean forward to hear him. Giles slides back down into the chair defeated.

Now doesn't seem an opportune time for his queries.

I didn't know.

Giles looks up at Richard as if seeing him for the first time. He'd forgotten he was there, but he continues, almost grateful for an audience to his pain and regret.

A few years ago...she- He winces with the ache of the memory of watching her broken body lying on a pile of rubble. Waiting...hoping for any sign of life, his stunned grief flashed to a burning hatred the moment he'd laid his eyes on Dawn emerging from the scaffolding; alive while his girl was dead. That hatred dissipated into remorse as he watched her eyes land on her sister's form. In that moment he knew that her loss was the greater one and he understood why Buffy had chosen to make the sacrifice.

Richard waits patiently for Giles to come back to himself. He does know all about Buffy's...death; as well as her resurrection. Of course, when he'd finally met Willow, he understood that the power that it took to bring the Slayer back had been in the witch's tiny hands.

Such tiny, insignificant girls with all the power in the world between them.

I know...that every Watcher feels it is inevitable, but...Buffy had thwarted death so many, many times, that I thought – in my arrogance –

You thought she'd live forever?

Giles smiles sadly, rubbing his temples before wiping his hands across his face. He looks at his old friend. Silly, I know. Pointless...but then she was back. His thoughts wander again.

_Oh hello, Willow. It's nice to hear from you. Everything alright?_

_Giles, I have some...s-some news..._

She was back and God, Richard; I tell you when I first saw her. I realized that I would do anything to keep her from harm. _Anything_.

I understand.

No, I don't think you do. I was willing to...I let so much transpire. I was blind to her pain when she returned and only when it was almost too late did I act...and then, what did I do? I left. Retreated here like a fool and left her to stand on her own two feet'. He lets out a breath that's somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

I'm sure it was for the best, Rupert. I'm sure the girl needed to come to terms with her life as it was.

Her life!? He laughs bitterly. Her life was in shambles, Richard. I walked out at the worst possible time. If I had been there, maybe she wouldn't have... Giles stops, knowing he is about to say too much. He slumps into the chair, the energy of his anger dissolving. If I had stayed...perhaps she would have made...different choices.

Perhaps, Rupert. Perhaps. Or perhaps not. Either way, you cannot change the past. And from what you're not saying, I gather that, had those choices' not been made, we may not be sitting here today. He arches his eyebrow. 

Giles is dumbstruck. Of course Richard isn't an idiot; he knows what he'd left out of his mini-tirade.

Spike.

It always seems to come back to him. To him and Buffy, more specifically.

He sighs heavily.

The only thing I am certain of is that my two girls are suffering; one from loss and the other...the other, I just don't know how to help her.

I think I do. Willow steps into the room and looks back and forth between the two men before landing her gaze in Giles'. Richard watches the transformation behind Rupert's eyes. Something passes between Rupert and this extraordinary girl.

**This could be very interesting development unto itself**, he thinks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel stares at the box.

Why you? Why did they have it brought to you? And why your place instead of here? He swivels his gaze to the former Watcher.

I believe I can answer that, s-sir. The young man nervously straightens his tie.

And...you are?

Fitzwater, sir. Brendan Fitzwater, Archival Recoveries? I was sent to retrieve the...the artifact and was instructed to deliver it to Mr. Wyndham-Pryce as soon as I'd returned. He smiles apologetically, but Wesley knows it's an act.

Alright, Brendan, what are we supposed to do now?

What'd I miss? Gunn enters Angel's office followed quickly by Fred who threw a quick glance at Wesley's curious look that says no, we didn't come together.'

Well, Brenton here-

Uh, Brendan. Sir.

Uh. Sorry. Brandon here brought us a little gift. Angel gestures towards the box on his desk.

What is it? And is it really important enough for us to be here at 6 in the morning? Fred yawns.

I...I believe so. Brendan? Wesley nods and Brendan moves to the box. Angel, eh, you might want to step away. Angel raises his eyebrows at the suggestion, but complies. He joins the others on the other side just as the lid pops off.

The room fills with screams and howls. Gunn and Fred cover their ears, but the sound falls away as a column of light forms before them. Images begin to flash in rapid succession; an incredibly fierce battle taking place before their eyes.

The Hellmouth? Angel shouts over the din. What _is_ this?

I don't know! Wesley yells back. We didn't see this before!

Suddenly, amidst the chaos, the figure of the blonde Slayer appears.

There's Buffy! Angel cries out. Gunn and Fred move closer, absorbed in the spectacle before them.

It's...it's like instant replay.

The five of them stand immobilized, watching the episode play out before them. When Spike appears, Angel steps forward. He watches as the amulet takes affect, pinning his progeny against the cavern wall. When the beams take down the Uber-vamps, Wesley's mouth drops open.

Oh...oh wow! Angel! Fred exclaims.

Yeah, I see it.

Isn't that Faith? Gunn points to the dark-haired slayer.

They watch mesmerized as the scene unfolds. They gasp when Dawn appears out of nowhere and runs towards the blonde vampire, getting trapped in a shaft of light.

That would explain the thing with her eyes. Fred says. Wesley nods, unable to look away from the sight before him.

They all look on as Dawn collapses and Faith goes to her side while Buffy runs to help Spike. Angel is glad he cannot hear the conversation between his ex and his boy. Watching Spike in his role as champion is difficult enough, especially knowing the outcome, without listening, no doubt, to their last words of love to one another.

All five of them remain silently riveted until Buffy and Spike clasp hands and the flame erupts.

Oh...wow. Oh...wow! Fred's eyes are rimmed with tears.

Gunn responds. Wow, man...Angel, I-.

I know.

The love that passes between the blonde couple blinds them all. Watching Buffy and then Dawn say their goodbyes to Spike, Angel understands, with perfect lucidity, all that he could never have been to her or to them. All that Spike was, in the end.

Up until this moment, he'd often wondered if he had been meant to fill that role: her Champion. He now knows the answer. It's an unequivocal and resounding no'.

Dawn leads Buffy out of the cavern and the five witnesses watch in horror as Spike burns away. As the last vestiges of his unlife flicker and die, so does the spectacle before them.

They all exhale in relief and amazement.

Gunn takes the nearest chair, shaking his head in disbelief. I mean, it's one thing to hear them talk about it when they were here, but to see it. I mean...

Yeah, it's...wow. And Buffy, god, to lose him like that. But boy did he go out like a hero. Fred offers Angel a sympathetic smile. She's well aware of his conflicting feelings about Spike.

The senior partners gave the amulet to you though, Angel, I don't understand for what purpose, but... Wesley quirks an eyebrow.

Neither do I, but I'm convinced they got exactly what they wanted out of the deal as far as I am concerned. But I wonder if they meant for Buffy to wear it, not knowing there was another...well, another me out there.

Another you? Fred asks, confused. Angel grumbles.

Another vampire. With a...with a...

Soul. Spike had a soul. Wesley confirms, rather than asks. Angel offers him a half-nod.

Wait, Spike had a soul? Gunn's voice rises in surprise.

Fred asks.

Seems he found...a way to get one. Angel mumbles.

Gunn looks to Wesley for answers.

I'm as in the dark as you are, Charles. He speaks to him without taking his eyes off of Angel, who retreats to the corner of the room. But we'll deal with that later, though it certainly explains why he was so instrumental in Buffy's...army. I do wish she'd been more able to tell us what occurred in the year leading up to... he gestures towards the dormant amulet. 

Well, what I want to know is why this thing is here and what we're supposed to learn from the floorshow. Gunn is straight-to-the-point as always.

Wesley turns to Brendan, who has been strangely silent. What was the significance of bringing this to us now?

Sir, all I know is...things are not as they were meant to be. The...the girl, the young one.

Angel steps forward.

Yes, she somehow interfered with...the nature of things and now what was meant to be two is now three.

Could you be a bit less vague? Wesley eyes the man suspiciously.

Actually, no. Just as Angel is about to protest, another sound emanates from the amulet causing everyone to jump back.

Oh, now what. Gunn grumbles, but his eyes are filled with trepidation.

A figure appears in the air over the box, exactly as it had appeared before in Wesley's apartment.

Angel whispers.

His face is distorted in a silent scream, his fists clenched at his side. His figure is dazzlingly bright and it looks damned painful. Everyone looks on in horror.

Oh, what can we do? We've got to do something! Fred turns to Angel, then Wesley, then to the dubious messenger.

The image flickers before winking out, leaving the room with a pop'. Everyone turns and stares at Brendan.

I wish I had more information for you. He tilts his head as if listening to something. But I think what you need is on its way. With that he smiles and disappears into nothingness.

What the-

Whoa, that was several different shades of freaky. Gunn steps around the space formally occupied by the messenger. Angel, what the hell is going on around here?

I wish I knew. Angel moves over to his desk, peering down at the amulet. Fred extends her hands around the space where the man had been.

It's really warm. Feel. Wesley complies.

Yes. I have a hunch, call me silly, that he isn't merely an employee at Wolfram and Hart.

Gee, y' think? Gunn smirks, annoyed at the parlor tricks.

Well, the senior partners seem pretty happy to keep playing their games but we need answers. This can't wait another day.

Just as the words leave his mouth, Angel's intercom buzzes to life.

Um, boss? It's a call from England. It's Willow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**A/N:** Thanks so much for being so patient, guys, I know it's been some time in coming. I really hadn't planned to take so long getting this chapter to you, but sometimes the muse wants what it wants.

On to your feedback:  
**Pin1:** I hope this chapter helps clear things up for you, at least a bit. But take heart: the time is drawing near for a...reunion.  
**Wolf116:** See, you were so clever! Hope you're still enjoying the ride.  
**Dragonqueen12:** I'm glad you liked DSTD and I hope this story continues to entertain you. :]  
**Moriah:** Now how could you read that chapter without reading the earlier ones? LOL. You must have been so confused.  
**Mon:** With the plethora of fantastic fanfic out there, it's hard to come up with something original. I'm glad you appreciated the effort. ;]  
**Kimbyann:** Thanks so much! I'm enjoying the twists and turns myself. Haha  
**Jerusha:** Yeah, I am being pretty hard on everyone aren't I. Not even poor Colin is safe. LOL  
**Ali:** I really am putting poor Buffy through the ringer. Well, the best things in life are never truly free.  
**Mary Rose:** I haven't been spending as much time on Willow as I would like, but you will get to know more about her as the story progresses.  
**Signa:** Thanks for hanging in there!  
**Pattyanne:** I hope I haven't driven you too batty. Wouldn't want to compromise your muse. ;]  
**Irishwoman39:** Here comes Spike. Here comes Spike! Really, really soon...  
**Spikealicious:** Sorry to make you wait so long, I hope it was worth it!  
**Anna Marie:** I'm happy that you're still with me on this.  
**Tammy:** Wow, thank you! That is so sweet of you to say. I'm so glad that you're having fun on my little trip. And I promise more on the Goddess!Willow is to come. And who knows, there may be something in what you're seeing. :]  
**Caroline:** Thanks, sweetie. It's nice to know that people really are enjoying my work.  
**Karen:** So, you liked the vision of half-naked Wesley, eh? Ha ha. Me too! We'll have to have more of that. What is up with Richard, hmm? Any ideas?  
**Andrea:** Sorry for the long hiatus, hon. I'll try not to let it happen again.

Til next time!

~Xio

Chapter 11: Inside


	11. Inside, Part 1

Chapter 11 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** Inside, Part 1- Chapter 11 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)  
**Thank you:** Maribel and Pam: the most amazing betas in any universe.  
**A/N:** I needed to break this chapter up into two parts. I could have made them two separate chapters, but they really are parts of a whole.  
The lyrics I've used are from a song called 'Inside' by Sting.  


Enjoy!  
~Xio   


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Inside the doors are sealed to love,  
Inside my heart is sleeping...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You got a sec?"

"O-of course."

Giles takes the pen out of his mouth and straightens his glasses as Willow enters the darkened study; the only light provided by the small lamp on the desk. His heart speeds up a bit as she takes the chair across from his; moving as quietly as a moon-kissed cloud.

"Is there...any change?"

"No." Her voice is soft; even softer than normal, when she's consciously controlling it. It's laced with something that Giles can't place. Sorrow, perhaps. "Colin is still with Dawn. We moved her to one of the guest rooms. Buffy is still resting upstairs." She stops mid-thought, but he is loath to interrupt her. "I, uh, just got off the phone with Wesley and Angel; the whole gang, practically, in L.A."

"Oh?" He responds after an embarrassed silence, catching himself staring at her. He's waiting for her to make some eye contact. Until now, she hasn't even looked at him.

Willow is exhausted and not looking forward to the journey that's coming. She can feel, with raw intensity, the pain of her friends; her family. She just wants it to end. She wants it to stop.

She wants to stop it.

It doesn't seem fair, having all of this power and not being able to use it to help the people that she loves.

She sighs. He covers her hand lightly, which she doesn't seem to notice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Inside the fingers of my glove,  
Inside the bones of my right hand...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Willow?"

The tenderness in his voice rouses her from her thoughts. She turns careful, ice blue eyes into his attentive gaze. The way he looks at her now is so unlike before. Since Sunnydale, since her...change...he treats her differently. He's more respectful, more caring. More...like a man and less like a guardian.

Maybe that is the catalyst: her transformation. Giles seems somewhat enthralled with it. She'd thought that it would pass; this latent adoration of her. But it hasn't.

He's hidden it well, of course, and she doubts that anyone else even has a clue. But she does. And it makes her heart ache for what can never, ever be.

And yet...

She smiles and he squints his eyes in curiosity; leaning forward onto the desk. His thumb mindlessly caresses the soft skin on the back of her hand; the effect of it rippling down to her toes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Inside it's colder than the stars.  
Inside the dogs are weeping.  
Inside the circus of the winds,  
Inside the clocks are filled with sand.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn swims just beneath the surface of oblivion. The heavy weight of nothingness feeds the lethargy she feels in her spectral body. Aware of seeming solid, yet without substance, she tries to get her bearings in this plane that is naught but seamless light.

It's a blinding and terrifying thing, the light. She blinks in an attempt to clear her vision; clear her head. But somewhere deep inside she knows that this isn't her reality.

Dawn doesn't understand how, or why, but the knowledge is there. She is adrift in a dream state and something is calling to her; pulling at her spirit. She should want to fight it, but she doesn't. It feels like home is beckoning her: Baked apples and hot cocoa.

Sweet warmth and unconditional love.

But the thought of giving in and following that urge to walk towards 'it' sends a paralyzing fear throughout her being. And still...she feels herself reaching out to touch...something.

It's acceptance that is calling to her. She feels it now. _Whoever you are, whatever you are, you are loved and will be cared for._ It's somewhere to belong. It feels so right to finally belong; to be wanted.

But a small voice in the back of her mind tells that it's not right. It's a lie.

Dawn tries to think of the reasons why she should turn her back on the light. There are...people. Family. Yes, people that love her and...

_Oh but it's so warm here...Ah. Ah. Ohhhh, so warm._

No, no no. She has to fight, needs to...

Colin. Colin, Buffy, Willow and...and...Giles. Her family. Her friends, they need...

No, they love her. Want her back. She...

_Oh, but it smells so sweet. Feels like sunshine. Like the California sun on my face and mmmmmmm..._

No. No, it's wrong. All wrong. _Oh...help._

_Help me. Please. Please...someone help._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Inside my head's a box of stars  
I never dared to open.  
Inside the wounded hide their scars.  
Inside this lonesome sparrow's fall...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What did Wesley, er, say?" The question is perfectly legitimate, but his expression belies what his eyes are saying.

_Willow...I am drawn to you like no other. Is it so wrong? _

"I need to go there. I might be able to get some answers if I'm there." She neglects to tell him about the amulet's discovery, unsure how he would react to such a revelation.

"Does he have any idea what's going on with Dawn?" He removes his glasses and the light dances over his face in a way that makes her momentarily forget her reasoning.

_This is wrong, isn't it? I-I don't know why, but it has to be. We...we can't, but...oh...why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me?_

Despite everything, she appears to him as an angel. He knows it's a foolish notion and he feels terribly silly pining after such a young woman; a girl that he'd been almost a father-figure to for a number of years.

But then, this isn't the same person. Is it?

_I fight everyday to keep my eyes off you. I don't think I want to fight anymore. I need you; your strength, your guidance. You are divine, Willow. Were you always so? If I take you in my arms, would you pull away my charming girl?_

"Uh-uh. But I think I do." Willow breaks the spell forming between them. Giles clears his throat, replacing his glasses.

"So, you'll go right away?" He pretends to ignore her rapid breathing and her flushed cheeks. This is the most inopportune time for...for...any of this. There may never be a 'time'. Period. _Best to let it go_, he tells himself; though his body is telling him otherwise.

"Yes. I'll leave tonight." She gently extricates her hand from his and stands. He rises to meet her.

"T-tonight? Er...alright, let me- I'll drive you to the airport. Have you purchased a flight?"

"Um...no, I should call-"

"I'll call for you, Willow. You go get your things together and I'll take care of everything." She smiles warmly.

"You always do." There is a hint of playfulness in her eyes that he finds hard to misinterpret. He smiles a small smile and rounds the desk to where she stands.

"Not always. You've done quite a bit yourself." He towers over her but ducks his head, fixing her with a gaze so...intimate...that she cannot help but blush. Still, she doesn't look away.

Giles wonders at the way her wintry eyes glaze over at his manner. He reaches a tentative hand towards her shining, snow-white hair and dances over it with a shadow of a caress.

"Willow." He breathes more into that one word than ever before. Staring into her eyes for brief seconds, he lets his hand drop to his side. "This is wrong on so many levels, I dare not say, but my _god_...what you've done to me."

She shivers, momentarily closing her eyes. "Ru..."

"I know." He sighs dejectedly. "I know it's wrong, I-I know, it's just..." He laughs mirthlessly. "It's just _wrong_."

"Is it?" She opens her gaze to his.

Her question surprises them both. He holds his breath, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Isn't it?"

She doesn't answer, only studies him and allows her emotions to surface for an instant. Giles sees his own passion reflected back from her and is startled. He closes the short distance between them and asks a silent permission to which she acquiesces.

And then his lips are on hers. Briefly. Softly. Oh-so-fleeting, and then it passes.

He pulls back, having not touched her in any other way, and waits. Her bright eyes flicker open and they smolder. He moans her name.

"I'm leaving." She says softly. "There is so much that needs to be done to set everything right, and I have to go now." He nods. "When I return, you and I are going to do quality time, Ru. Cause this?" She indicates the two of them. "This is happening whether we want it to or not. And to be honest, I don't know what's right or wrong here, because...because..."

She moves her hands in the air between them, as if caressing his aura and her own.

"This is something."

"You're right, of course." Giles steps back a bit. "This _really_ is not the time." Willow stops him by advancing and placing her hand on his cheek.

"I know what you're thinking." He squints at her. "No, I'm not reading your mind. Do you guys really think I would do that?" They both laugh softly. She brushes her fingertips across his lips and then places her hand on his shoulder. He softens at her touch.

"You're thinking that you've been like a father to me for a number of years and now it just seems wrong that we have this...this attraction or whatever, right?"

He nods imperceptibly.

"Only I never thought of you like a dad, Ru. Not really. And things have changed so drastically over the last year or two."

She pauses to think.

"All of that seems like a lifetime ago." He smiles, tentatively. "We're different people."

"We certainly are." He covers her hand with his own.

"And we can't let our past rob us of the special things."

He smiles. "And this is special, do you think?"

"Yes." She answers without hesitation. "Don't you?"

"I think I could love you." He whispers urgently, as if saying it in full voice would cause some great disturbance. She lightly traces the lines in his forehead.

"Does that bother you?" Giles hears the genuine fear in her voice and takes her into his arms, cradling her head in his large palm.

"It should, but it doesn't." He chuckles. "It bothers me that it doesn't."

"Yeah." She agrees, returning his embrace and placing her head on his chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Love is a shameless banner unfurled  
Love's an explosion,  
Love is the fire of the world  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We can't do this now." She sighs as he kisses the top of her crown.

"No. We cannot." He raises his head and looks into her eyes. "Sweet Willow."

Their lips meet again and this time the kiss is real. He hugs her to him as if his very life depends on it, wrapping her small frame in his arms. Willow takes a long moment to recognize the comfort of his embrace and the fire in his kiss and then she slowly pulls away.

"I...um..." She motions towards the door.

"Yes, of course." Giles quickly steps back and allows her to pass. Her voice calling from the door turns him around to face her.

"Thank you, Rupert." He tilts his head, confused.

"For?"

"For being you." She smiles and leaves quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Love's an explosion.  
Love is the fire of the world.  
Love is a violent star,  
A tide of destruction.  
Love is an angry scar,  
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation,  
Love is annihilation.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn fights to rise to the surface, but something won't let her.  
The urge to stay grows stronger, and her resolve is weakening.  
She turns to the light and feels it commanding her to submit.

And she lets go.

Warm hands pull her and she goes willingly, but then the atmosphere changes.  
There is a struggle and she is suddenly in the middle of a war.

Darkness strobes through the light and with it she hears intermittent screams.

_Oh god...what...what is that?_

She is struck with a bolt of fear and fury and grief that takes her breath. A throbbing agony manifests itself in her stomach and she doubles over. She looks up with watery eyes and sees a great chasm opening before her.

_No no, not real. Not. Real._

**Very real, young one.**

_No. Why? Please!_

**You are an abomination.**

_What?_

**You were never meant to be. You are not to exist. We will set things right.**

_I am Dawn. I am Dawn Summers. I am not an abomination. I am a human being._

**You are a mistake and we intend to correct it. You cannot hide behind the other one for long.**

_What? What other one?_

**He will be released to claim his prize, miscreant, and when he is free of you and you of him, we will come for you.**

_When he is...you mean...Spike?_

**When he is free, you will be ours to dispose of as you were meant to be.**

_Oh...god...no..._

**Go back to your falsehoods, blasphemer. We will come for you soon enough.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Outside the rain keeps falling.  
Outside the drums are calling.  
Outside the flood won't wait.  
Outside they're hammering down the gate.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn wakes with a scream into Colin's tightening arms. He is chanting her name over and over, stroking her hair and rocking her soothingly, trying to bring her into awareness. She screams until her consciousness is anchored and she feels him around her.

She looks into his deep, chestnut eyes - sees the love and concern for her in them- and clutches him to herself, crying for all that she's had, all that she has and all that she is about to lose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


**A/N:** You guys were pretty quiet about that last chapter. Are you still with me? I'd love to hear from you.

~Xio

TBC Chapter 11.5: Inside, Part 2


	12. Inside, Part 2

Chapter 11 of How Many Days by Xionin 

**Title:** Inside, Part 2 - Chapter 11 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. [xionin@beautiful-freak.com]  
**Thank you:** Maribel and Pam: the most amazing betas in any universe.  
**Lyrics:** "Inside" by Sting

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Inside the failures of the light,  
The night is wrapped around me.  
Inside my eyes deny their sight,  
You'd never find me in this place.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy's eyes flutter open and she finds herself staring at her ceiling.  
Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover what she's feeling right now.

Gutted.

That's a much more fitting word.

Any semblance of normalcy she'd scraped together over the course of the year has vanished in one puff of acrid smoke. The candles are all snuffed out.

How could she have Been. So. Stupid?

**Spike is gone, he's...gone.**

There are no special reprieves; no prophecies concerning the sacred love of a slayer and a vamp. He isn't going to be returned to her and they aren't going to ride off into the sunset while orchestrated strings float on the air.

For a while, Buffy thought she had been handling everything pretty well: Training new slayers; Helping Dawn grow up into a beautiful young woman; Working with Giles to rebuild the Council. She had almost fooled herself.

**But then he came. NO! No. It.**

God she's missed him. She's yearned for him; his touch, his taste, his everything.  
And look at what it almost cost her?

She is drowning in her grief.

"Oh god."

Buffy swipes at the strangled tears that slide down her cheeks. She's surprised she has anything left to produce them. The thought of what she's been doing since that first night that it appeared brings a wave of nausea to her stomach. She swallows it down.

"I can't do this anymore."

Buffy closes her eyes and sinks into the soft down of her pillows and duvet. She calls upon the power that Willow had given her early last year; the ability to take small, mental vacations.

Only this time, she isn't looking to take a break. This time, she wants to say goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Inside we're hidden from the moonlight.  
We shift between the shadows,  
Inside the compass of the night,  
Inside the memory of your face.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
It isn't hard. She pictures herself first and then the place she wants to be. It's instinct, really. She'd always wanted to see him in the brilliant sunlight, strolling along the beach barefoot.

So she goes there to wait for him.

_Buffy walks down the dune to the edge of the wet sand, her baby blue tank top trapping the breeze against her sensitive skin. Her white linen pants billow out with each strong gust._

_The sky is a brilliant shade of cornflower blue; just like his eyes. The bright sun warms her. She misses the California sunshine. Buffy sits down and closes her eyes; allowing the warmth to seep into her flesh. A small smile plays upon her lips._

_She feels him approaching._

_Strong legs bend to the sand behind her, embracing her as sturdy hands take purchase on her bare shoulders._

_"Hello, luv." He kisses her hair, he always loved her hair, and wraps his arms around her; resting his chin on the top of her head._

_"Spike." Buffy finds it easy to say his name in this place; so unlike the real world, where she has to turn away from the pity in their eyes. She covers his arms with her own._

_"I'm here, pet." She can feel his intake of breath as he nuzzles into her neck. "Never leavin' you."_

_"I know. I know you'll always be with me." She turns in his arms to face him. Her eyes take him in hungrily. He looks so incredibly beautiful in the summer light; his snowy hair dancing alongside strands of sun-kissed gold. He's wearing a bright blue t-shirt and faded jeans that cling to the hard planes of his body. And he's barefoot, of course._

_Buffy traces the outline of his lips with her fingertip. Her eyes well up with tears and he reaches out a steady hand to catch them as they fall._

_"S'alright, Buffy. I understand." He whispers._

_"I'm so sorry, Spike. I'm...I'm so..." Her head drops as she sobs into his chest and he gently caresses her back, whispering soothing words into her ear._

_"S'ok, Buffy."_

_"I love you, Spike. I love you so much."_

_"I know."_

_"I'll al...always..."_

_"I know, pet, shhhhh." Spike rocks her in his arms, kissing her over and over again. As she calms down a bit, she looks up at him and he gives her a dazzling smile._

_"You're so beautiful, Spike. My William."_

_"So are you, baby. I'll never stop loving you."_

_Buffy gazes deeply into his eyes._

_"I have to say goodbye." She says quietly._

_"I know."_

_"I don't want to, Spike."_

_"I know that too, but it really isn't goodbye."_

_"I know." She runs her hand through his hair and he closes his eyes._

_"I'm going to Sunnydale."_

_Spike looks at her for a long moment before smiling sadly._

_"If that's what you need to do, luv."_

_"I need...I need closure. I think..."_

_"Maybe you'll find it there?"_

_"Maybe. I just know that I can't go on living like this. It's not...it isn't a life."_

_"I know, baby, I know. What is it I said once? You have to go on living..."_

_"So that...so..." She breaks down again and he cradles her in his arms._

_"So one of us is living." He gathers her to himself and begins swaying back and forth, calming her. "That's right, luv. Let it out, pet. Let it out, my girl. My Buffy...mine."_

_"Yours." She raises her head to meet his eyes._

_"Forever." She nods and smiles, tears falling in golden droplets down her cheeks._

_"Forever." She softly kisses him._

Buffy surfaces from her waking dream. Her hair is soaked with the essence of her grief.

"Forever, Spike." She sits up on her bed and looks out the open window. "I'm coming home to say goodbye."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I climb this tower inside my head  
A spiral stair above my bed.  
I dream the stairs don't ask me why,  
I throw myself into the sky.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy feels awful about leaving nothing but a note behind to explain her absence, but she just isn't able to handle their questions right now. She also regrets having to lie to them; telling them that she'd gone down to Leeds for some R&R.

Surely they'd understand that she needs to get away, after...

Maybe she'll tell them, when she returns, where she's really been. They probably wouldn't appreciate her need to go back; to see where her life ended and where it has to begin again. Sunnydale is now just an immense and yawning hole in the ground, but it isn't large enough to hold her love or her sorrow.

After boarding the plane at Heathrow, she settles into the window seat under two complimentary blankets and is dozing fretfully even before the aircraft leaves the gate.

She doesn't notice the quiet, white-haired girl that passes by on her way to a seat in the back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Love me like a baby, love me like an only child  
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild  
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son  
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She'd slept during the entire flight and didn't wake up until they arrived in Los Angeles. Buffy had gathered herself quickly and exited the plane heading straight for her pre-arranged rental car. From LAX it would be a lonely drive up to the Sunnydale Crater.

Buffy can't believe how much of a tourist trap the surrounding area has become. Fortunately, she's alone on this last stretch of highway. She rolls down the windows of her SUV and lets the wind have its way with her hair.

The neon tape of the road signs tell her she's close, but she can already feel how close she is. She feels the pull of the Hellmouth, even in its dormant state.

She also thinks that she feels his presence, though it could be her imagination.

Twenty miles from the site, as evening approaches, she pulls her car over to the side of the road. Opening the door she hops out and stands on the asphalt, peering out over the expanse of desolation. She takes a deep breath and then climbs back inside to resume the final leg of her journey.

Fifteen minutes later she is pulling up to a large boulder at the edge of the crater. Buffy parks and cuts the engine. The sky is midnight blue and peppered with thousands upon thousands of tiny stars. The air hums with a heavy silence. There aren't any living creatures for miles.

The car door slams shut loudly behind her and Buffy apologizes to no one. Disturbing the somber quiet feels almost sacrilegious, she thinks. She hugs her leather jacket to her and smoothes down the legs of her jeans.

Clutching the roses she'd purchased at the last outpost of civilization, Buffy moves unsteadily towards the crater's edge. Her boots crunch on the loose gravel. Kneeling, she places the bouquet on the ground and sits back on her heels to take in the disturbing view.

In the pit of the crater, there are no signs of life - not even a weed. There are no indications of it at the jagged edge or even beyond, as far as her eyes can see in the moonlit night.

There's just...nothing; nothing but a great, gaping hole in the world. Just like the hole in her world; A hole that will never, ever be filled.

**And here I am saying goodbye...trying to find peace.**

"There is no peace." She sighs, reconciling with her pain. "I'm bringing flowers to mark the place that sucked away his soul."

The moment is so surreal to her that she barks out a bitter laugh.

This is beyond unfair; this is cruel and unusual punishment.

"Am I ever going to get a break?!" She stands up and screams into the night. The sound is swallowed up; No echo returns to mock her.

She wants to cry, but there aren't enough tears for this. So she speaks to him.

"Spike..." She closes her eyes and lets the cool, evening breezes buoy her; give her the words - the strength - to do this.

"'I miss you' sounds so...so lame." She laughs bitterly. "It's beyond the telling of it." Buffy opens her eyes and looks down into the black mouth in front of her.

"I was angry with you, with myself, for a long time. I couldn't believe that you left me; that I let you go...that I didn't stay.

"That you didn't stay here with me. There had to have been another way." She takes a shuddering breath. "I know what you're saying. 'D' you think I wanted to burn to a crisp, luv?' or something British like that.

"You really had a way with words..." She stands in silence, recalling the plethora of nicknames he had for her and her friends. She smiles.

"I miss your words, Spike."

Buffy sits on the ground, her fingers lightly tracing the outline of the petals in front of her.

"I miss...I miss your nose." She smiles. "I think you must have broken it one too many times, 'cause it was bumpy. Kind of like a lump of Playdoh. Cute Playdoh, though.

"Ha! Playdoh though...you would have laughed at my lame-o joke, wouldn't you? Yeah, you would've.

"I miss your laugh.

"You didn't laugh nearly enough, Spike. Not nearly." She frowns. "Why was that?" She picks up a pebble and tosses it into the chasm. "Why didn't you...I dunno...let your hair down more...a-around the others. Was it because of me?"

She sighs and hangs her head, roughly tossing another stone into the abyss.  
"Of course it was, Buffy." She shakes her head. "Everything you did, you did for me.

"Did I ever do anything for you? Did I?

"Did I...I mean...were you happy? In the end? Did you know that I loved you..._Love_...Love you...with everything that I am? And I always will, Spike. I always will.

"But...but I know that what I'm doing, how I'm living, is not how you would have me live, so...for you...I'm going to try hard to...to let go."

Her voice hitches and the tears begin. She sobs quietly for a few minutes and then gathers her reserves to finish what she's come here to do.

"I miss your hair. I don't know how you managed to keep it so soft when all you did was fry it 'til it was blonde." She smiles a small smile.

"I miss your hands, all rough and tender at the same time. You had beautiful hands.

"I miss your mind, Spike, and how you loved poetry. I...I've been reading some of the writers you told me about. I think you'd be proud. You were always trying to hide what you knew, but...see...your intelligence was in your eyes.

"I miss your eyes, how blue they were; how they always saw me, even when I was hiding from you. How they used to speak to me, even when you weren't saying anything. You were always talking to me with your eyes.

"I miss your voice." She shivers. "Oh _god_ your voice. I don't know if you knew, or if I ever got the chance to tell you...well, I'm telling you now. Your voice was like chocolate for the ears, honey. Oh...your voice was such a distraction during all of those strategy meetings. I used to pray that you wouldn't say anything sometimes, back before we...um...y' know...'cause I couldn't always concentrate on the words because of the sound of your voice.

"That's why I used to get so snippy with you, most of the time. It was my way of, I dunno, snapping out of it; the sort of trance you put me in just by talking to me.

"And then later, when we were not-quite-together...your voice...in my ear while we were...oh man...

"And then last year...the things you said...the way you made me _feel_. Oh Spike. I miss you. Miss you miss you miss you. How can I do this?"

Buffy draws her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them, softly weeping into her denim-clad legs. She half-expects to hear his voice in the darkness. She's half-tempted to slip away into unconsciousness and let him come to her in a dream.

But this isn't about her, it's about him. And her responsibility to let him rest in peace. Finally.

She raises her head and blinks away the remaining tears. Grabbing the flowers, she climbs to her feet.

Buffy walks to the edge of the cavern. She kisses the soft buds lovingly before she tosses them into the crater, watching their descent until she can no longer distinguish them against the dark matter below.

Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath and looks out over the expanse as she recites.

"_If suddenly you do not exist...if suddenly you no longer live, I shall live on. I do not dare, I do not dare to write it, if you...if you die. I shall live on_."

She swallows a threatening sob and steels herself to continue.

"_Forgive me. If you no longer live, if you, beloved, my love, if you have died,  
all the leaves will fall on my breast, it will rain on my s-soul night and day,  
the snow will burn my h-heart, I shall walk with frost and fire and d-death and snow_

"_My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall stay alive, because above all things you wanted me indomitable and, my love, because you know that I am not only a woman but all womankind_."**

She kisses her shaky fingertips and blows it into the windless air.

"Ok, so I changed it a little." She smiles and then lets out a half-sob.

"Just remember...always, Spike, I love you." She closes her eyes and allows the water of her grief to fall before her.

"Goodbye." She whispers before running quickly back to the car. Getting in, she starts the engine and reverses into the road; turning the wheel and heading back towards Los Angeles. The dawn bursts onto the horizon in a brilliant display of purple and gold as she speeds her way back into the waiting arms of the world.

  
TBC Chapter 12: Until...  
**From 'The Dead Woman' by Pablo Neruda

**A/N:** ::sniffle:: I think I ran through an entire box of Puffs [with lotion] writing this. Don't hate me, guys. It'll get better soon. I promise.

Thanks so much to Helen, Tammy, Michelle, Patty, Spikealicious, Dragonqueen12, Wolf116, Carol, Spygrrl, Zzickle, Karen, Rana, Spikedvamp, Spike's Heart, Zzickle and everyone else that reviewed for your feedback. You guys don't know what it means to me that you've stuck with this story. I know I haven't always been very diligent when it comes to updates, but I will endeavor to do better. Mmmm k?

;]

Wuv ya!  
~Xio  



	13. Until

Title: Until... - Chapter 12 of How Many Days  
Disclaimer: Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
Summary: Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
Distribution: Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
Feedback: is welcome. [xionin@beautiful-freak.com]  
Thank you: Maribel and Pam: the most amazing betas in any universe.  
Lyrics: "Until" by Sting  
Author's Note: Ok, so here is the latest chapter in the saga. I must confess, I am not entirely happy with it. Still, you've waited long enough and I need for this story to progress. Chapter 12 sets the stage for chapter 13: Lazarus Heart. I appreciate all of your patience with this story. Things will move along at a much faster clip from here on out. You have my word.

Love you!  
~Xio

Until....  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
One day you'll meet a stranger   
And all the noise is silenced in the room  
You'll feel that you're close to some mystery  
In the moonlight and everything shatters  
You feel as if you've known her all your life  
The world's oldest lesson in history...- Sting  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Willow." Angel smiles anxiously as the small woman makes her way through the vast landscape that is the lobby of Wolfram and Hart's Los Angeles office. "You got here fast." He takes her bags from her and gestures for her to follow.

"I don't know how much time we have." They walk to the elevators and entered; the doors closing silently behind them.

"You really think...that, uh..." Angel trails off, obviously uncomfortable. Willow turns her gaze upon him.

"It is Spike, Angel. However you may feel about him? He is coming back."

"Coming back...from...where, exactly?" The doors open on the 23rd floor and they step off. Angel walks down the hall towards the guest suites. Willow follows closely behind.

"From...wherever it is that he's been held. In limbo, I suppose."

"Looked more like Hell to me." Angel mutters.

"What?" Willow touches his shoulder and he stops momentarily.

"Nothing."

Angel opens the door to a well-appointed suite, large enough for an entire family and fit for a CEO.

"Wow. You've moved on up to the East side." Willow is briefly distracted by the glamour of her new surroundings.

"Uh, yeah, well...it kind of comes with the territory." The dark-haired vampire crosses into the bedroom and deposits her bags on the floor. Returning to the sitting room, he finds her looking out over the city through the glass. He walks up besides her.

"Whoa! What are you doing?" Willow pushes him back a few steps. "And why are you not all flamey?" She looks him over, thoroughly perplexed at his lack of combustion.

"Oh, the glass. It's...treated. Blocks out those nasty UV rays." Willow turns back to the window, inspecting it more closely.

"Wow." She whispers. "Hunh. So..." She turns to him, arms folded. "How is the territory these days?" Angel leans onto the back of a chair, his arms crossed, and stares past her, out across the landscape.

"I...I can't complain." Willow sits on the arm of the adjacent chair. "We've been able to do a lot of good here."

"You have?"

"Don't sound so surprised. I'm still me."

"Hunh." Willow turns to the view.

"What?" Angel turns to study her profile.

"Oh...nothing. I just wonder."

"You wonder..." Angel waits for a few moments, but it is clear that Willow's mind is elsewhere. He clears his throat and she rouses herself. She turns to him apologetically.

"Nothing. Sorry." She smiles a small smile. "I think I'd better go see the amulet." Angel frowns, but rises to lead the way.

"Sure."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Does Willow really think she can...figure out what's going on with Spike? Or, um, Spike's...apparition?" Fred looks over the scant selection of documents concerning the amulet. All that Wesley had been able to find were some scribblings about the crystal's first discovery, some 220 years ago. Unfortunately, what he found was of little use to them.

"Well, she is rather...powerful now." Wesley hovers over the closed box containing the amulet, peering at the intricate carvings that cover it. "Giles has been quite impressed with her abilities. He says that she has come a long way since those first days after - well - after Sunnydale."

"Yeah, she's got a lot of juice. That's for sure. If you doubt it, take a look at the bill for replacing all of those windows back at the Hyperion." Gunn settles himself in one of the leather chairs that adorns Angel's spacious office as the group prepares to meet with the powerful witch. "That's some power, alright."

Fred smirks as Wesley nods in agreement.

"Yes, well, she's learned a great deal of control, from what I understand." Wesley turns to face his colleagues. "I, for one, am...anticipating a demonstration. I don't ever recall such a transformation on record at the old Council." He trails off, lost in thought.

"Yeah, I can also imagine what Wolfram and Hart would do with someone like her under their control." Gunn half-mutters.

"What?" Fred steps closer to him. "Did..." She glances at Wesley and then back to her ex. "Did you find anything out in your last, um, trip up to the White Room? Something about Willow?"

"Huh? No." Gunn frowns, his eyes darting back and forth between the two of them. "I was just saying. Top dogs might get wind of her being here, especially if she's making big with the mojo. Might turn a few heads."

"Ah." Wesley exhales loudly. "Quite. We'll, uh...we'll have to be en guarde while she's here." The three friends exchange understanding glances.

"Maybe, uh...maybe I should avoid the big cat until Willow goes back to England?"

"Might be a good idea, Charles." Fred gives his shoulder a squeeze in reassurance.

"What might be a good idea?" Angel strolls in with Willow. Three pairs of eyes land on her simultaneously and Willow sees the same thought floating between them like a ghostly string.

Protect.

She smiles.

"Hello Willow." Wesley ignores Angel's question. "It's wonderful to see you again." He walks over and shakes her hand warmly. "I'm sorry it isn't under less, uh, stressful circumstances."

"Me too." Willow smiles as Fred comes over to hug her. "Seems like we always meet this way. Wayward evil," she glances at Angel who looks away uncomfortably. "-impossible spells and now...this." She gestures towards the box centered on Angel's desk. Willow walks towards the object which, once in her sight, seems to mesmerize her.

She glides towards it, drawn by its magic.

"Wow." She whispers.

"What wow?" Gunn moves beside her.

"That's...a lot of power. It's practically oozing with it." Willow holds her hand out in front of her as if feeling the air around the item, though she is still some few feet away.

"'Oozing'?" Angel flanks her other side as the others move behind her, staring at the item as if to see what it is that she is seeing.

"Yeah. It's actually leaking magic. But..." Her brow crinkles.

"But?" Wesley studies her profile.

"There's...something's not quite right. Something's...off." She moves closer and they follow as if on strings. She stops and turns to Angel. "Maybe, you should hang back a bit?" She looks to the rest of the assemblage. "All of you." She offers a small smile. "Just to be on the safe side?"

The others exchange glances and then back off as a group. Willow crosses the distance to the box and feels around it once more.

"It's warm." She announces. Fred turns to Wesley and mouths the words 'I told you so' to which, inwardly, he rolls his eyes. Outwardly, he offers a conciliatory smile. She turns back to Willow, satisfied. "There's a life force here."

"A life...force? As in something alive?" Angel steps closer, concerned.

"Yesssss." Willow replies breathily. "It's...it's definitely alive." Angel keeps moving towards her until they are parallel to one another. He unconsciously reaches out his hand, mimicking her pose in an attempt to feel whatever she's feeling. Once he catches himself, he withdraws his hand.

"Do you think...I mean, is it really...Spike?" His voice is hushed and slightly fearful.

"Yes." She answers without hesitation. Stepping closer to the box, she reaches for it.

"Do you think that's wise?" Wesley pipes up, just as her hand stops; hovering over the container. All eyes are on her as everyone holds their breath, silently preparing for another onslaught of imagery and sound.

Willow opens the box, flipping the lid on its hinge with slender, steady fingers.

Nothing happens.

A collective sigh of relief moves through them all, save for the white-haired woman peering inside the object.

"Where's the light show?" Gunn asks.

"Perhaps i-it was a one-time only sort of thing, where the energy was captured and..."

"Oh...goddess." Willow whispers, but the only set of ears sensitive enough to pick it up are Angel's. He turns back to her.

"Willow?" He waits for her response as he turns back to her. "What is it?" She turns to him, her eyes white as clouds. The others gasp and involuntarily take a step or two back. Willow looks past Angel, then to the floor – seeing nothing – then to the ceiling before she whispers.

"Rupert."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Willow." Giles sprints to the phone and dials the number for Wolfram and Hart.

The phone rings one and a half times before Fred answers Angel's phone. She hands it to Wesley.

"Giles?" Wesley keeps his eyes on white Willow as she stares into space, the box now in her hands. A low humming sound is coming from her; or maybe it's coming from the box. He can't be sure.

"Wes, where's Willow?" Giles' frantic voice rouses Wesley from his hypnosis.

"She's here, but...something's happening with the object that was brought to us; the one containing the amulet. We're fairly certain that it has something to do with Spike."

"What? Spike? Th-the amulet?" Giles feels the wind exiting his lungs, but a sound barely comes out. Spike?

"Yes, but...Willow is...well she..."

"Is something wrong?" Giles' shock at hearing about the amulet subsides and his growing concern over his...friend...takes over. "What's happened, Wesley?"

"N-nothing's happened, per se, it's just...I can't say I know exactly what's going on, Rupert, I-"

The phone is suddenly yanked out of his hand by an unseen energy. The force of it nearly knocks Wes backwards. Fred and Gunn rush to his aid.

Willow is staring at the device as it floats mid air. On the other end of the receiver, Giles stands rigid, caught in a state of suspended animation. A few seconds pass before the suspended phone suddenly drops to the floor of the office. Angel grabs it and calls out to Giles.

"I'm here. We'll be there first thing in the morning." He explains.

"What just happened?" Angel says to Giles while staring at Willow who seems as if she is about to explode with energy. Her hair moves as if stirred by a slight breeze, which of course is non-existent. "And who's 'we'?" He speaks slowly; cautiously, turning away from Willow he whispers into the phone. "What's going on?" Giles takes a deep breath on the other end, before speaking.

"Willow believes that Spike is trapped in that...amulet. She says that she can release him, but that she needs Dawn there to do it. It seems that Dawn a-and Spike were somehow...bonded...when she intervened at the Hellmouth."

"When she got hit with the light?" Angel asks.

"Yes, I suppose so. She's been experiencing...episodes...ever since."

"Yeah, we've all experienced Dawn's episodes." Angel replies, catching Wesley's eye. All three of his colleagues are hanging on every word of his side of the conversation. "Um...Giles...did Willow just tell you all of that? Just now?"

He hears the Watcher take another deep breath before answering.

"Yes, Angel."

The vampire contemplates that briefly before responding.

"Ok. Ok...I get it. But, I think we need to talk when you get here. Tomorrow?"

"First thing in the morning."

"Right. Ok. See you then."

They don't bother to say goodbye before hanging up. Angel looks at his friends, who are confused having only heard one half of the conversation. He takes an unnecessary breath, and then addresses them sotto voce.

"Somehow...Willow told Giles what was going on. That's what that little...display...was about."

"She told him? Just now? But she didn't say anything...was it...telepathy of some sort?" Wesley glances over at the witch who is concentrating on the box in her hands.

"I guess...I dunno. It's all sketchy right now. All I know is that she told him that Spike is in the amulet, or whatever, and that she can get him out, but that she needs Dawn here to do it. Seems Dawn and Spike are...bonded or something." Confusions clouds their faces. "Look," Angel runs his hand through his hair. "I don't really get it either, but Willow's obviously convinced."

"Yes, well, she does have an unique insight into whatever is going on here." Wesley offers.

"I'll say. If she can't deal with whatever is happening here, I don't know who could. The girl's got some serious credentials in the magic department. Plus, she knows Spike." The others look at him perplexed. "I mean, she knows Spike, right?"

"Well, yeah. She knows him, why?" Angel asks.

"Because..." Gunn looks at each of them waiting for one of them to get his point. Exasperated, he sighs audibly. "She talking about bringing back Spike, right?"

"Right." Fred responds.

"Right, so she would know if it were really Spike and not, say, some demon trying to get a free ride into the land of the living. Right?"

Angel frowns. Wesley scratches his head. Fred turns to Willow, observing her.

"Yeah," she answers quietly. "She'd know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy turns down Second Street off of Wilshire Boulevard. She has no idea what kind of establishment the Huntley hotel is, nor does she really care. All she wants is a place to relax and regroup for a few days.

Santa Monica beach has always been one of her favorite place to visit. 'Anne' used to hop on the bus from L.A. and go there just to sit and people watch; or to watch the waves roll in from the other side of the Bay.

The sun is high in the springtime sky as she pulls into the parking lot. The desk clerk informs her that check-in isn't for another few hours, but is nice enough to suggest a nearby café, just a block away on Ocean Avenue, with wonderful views.

Buffy walks slowly to her destination feeling, for the first time in a long time, that the future held some promise. A great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Her sadness and grief are still there, but they have assumed their rightful places in her psyche, no longer ruling her daily life; permeating her every thought.

Spike will always be a part of her, she knows that. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

Only now, instead of lamenting not having him there with her to enjoy the sunset, she can think of him as a part of her; knowing that he is always at her side – in her heart – and is sharing every part of her life with her.

Sitting on the terrace of the small, French café, Buffy muses over this notion and smiles as she sips on her Boddington's – one of Spike's favorite English beers. Expensive – Hello? Import? – but she has to admit, it is better then Coors Light.

"Beer good." She smiles as she toasts to the azure of the sea and to her love. Her Spike.

TBC: Chapter 13: Lazarus Heart

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lilmamaday: Here you are, love. hope you enjoyed it!  
Ladyluck523: You know what they say - it's always darkest before the Dawn. ;]  
dragonqueen12: I'm glad you're enjoying the story, hon. Thanks for your words of encouragement!  
spuffyfan: What's up with Dawn? Lots and lots. She's instrumental in this story, actually. And I'd like to think she's matured into a lovely young woman.  
spikealicious: Hey there...I'm so glad you've found my story so intriguing. You know how much I admire your work. I've really been enjoying One Normal Life. I think everyone should read it and the prequel.  
Spikes Solace: Well, sweetie, the next chapter is called 'Lazarus Heart'. Does that give you a hint? ;]  
Caroline: Hey doll. Hope is alive and well and all will be alright. Have faith in me, ok?  
Helen: Thanks so much! I'm happy you're enjoying the story so far. Unfortunately, I do not know the author of that Neruda translation. But is one of my favorite poems.  
Kari Mouke: I hope you like HMD as much as you liked DSTD. Thanks for your kind words!  
nmcil: Hi hon! Yes, the only reason I still write 'Spuffy] is precisely that: the story seems unfinished to me. I'm happy that you're enjoying my little tale. I hope to see more artwork from you soon.  
Kimbyann: I must confess that I have purchased stock in the Kleenex tissue company. We have a deal that, the more I can make you cry and the more tissues you buy, I get a percentage. ;]  
Melissa: Thank you, hon. :]  
Patty:There was so much left at loose ends, I think. This is only my version of post-Sunnydale. It only exists in my widdle head. I'm glad you're enjoying it, though.


	14. Lazarus Heart

**Title:** Lazarus Heart - Chapter 13 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. xionin   
**Thank you:** Maribel dusty273 , my amazing beta and amazing friend.  
**Lyrics:** "Lazarus Heart" by Sting  
**A/N:** A year later, the story continues. Thank you for being so infinitely patient. Lots of things are coming. I hope it will be worth the wait.  
Enjoy!

Every day another miracle  
Only death will tear us apart  
To sacrifice a life for yours  
I'd be the blood of the Lazarus heart - Sting

**Lazarus Heart**

"I insist on coming with you."

"Of course, Colin. I wouldn't dream of-"

"Do you think it's advisable? Moving her when she's...she's-" Colin's voice wavers.

Giles stops his frantic packing and turns to the frightened young man. He notes his disheveled appearance, the concerned look in his eyes; knows all-to-well the abject fear he feels. Dawn has been unstable; slipping in and out of hysteria with only brief moments of lucidity when she appears to be herself. Terrified beyond reason, but still herself. He knows that, under any other circumstances, he would not be dragging her halfway around the world. But Willow insisted.

No. She did more than insist.

There had never been a question in his mind that they were going to L.A. None at all. Willow showed him what was at stake: the life of a young girl who had finally begun to find her place in the world, and the soul of a man that died to save it.

No. No question at all. They were California-bound. And Giles wouldn't dream of going without Colin. The rather obvious fact that he is madly in love with Dawn aside, Colin's training as a Watcher could prove crucial against whatever it is that they will face.

Yes. Colin is coming.

Richard, on the other hand. Well...someone should stay to keep watch over Buffy. No doubt she'll try to catch the next flight to Los Angeles, once she learns of everything. She'll need someone she trusts here to help her think clearly. To keep her grounded.

"Mr. Giles?" Colin's quiet terror brings the Watcher back to the present. He realizes he'd been quiet for sometime and hadn't actually answered the young man's query.

"Er...yes, Colin. Normally, I would agree with you, but I think we have to concur that the-the circumstances are rather remarkable. And Willow believes that it is absolutely necessary."  
Colin takes a moment to reflect and then nods mutely.

"Good. Gather Dawn. Her things are being packed by one of the matrons. Meet me in the foyer in 15 minutes. I've chartered a flight to get us there without incident." Giles resumes packing up the books and papers he hopes may provide some assistance.

"Alright." Colin nods firmly and then moves towards the door. "I don't have time to go home and pack anything; I'll just purchase whatever I need there."

"Colin." Giles's voice stops him and he turns to face the weary man. "I love her too. Like a daughter, really. We will do everything in our power to make sure that she is safe."  
Colin's eyes meet his in silent understanding before he turns and leaves the room. Giles exhales and pinches the bridge of his nose. He has to tell Buffy that they're going to L.A.  
He's less concerned with her possible reaction to that news than he is to how she will respond when he asks her not to come with them. He doesn't believe that she could handle what they'll be facing. More to the point, he doesn't believe she could handle the possibility – the mere possibility that Spike…

He sighs.

"I've failed to protect you so many times, my girl. Not this time." He picks up the phone. "Mrs. Lowell, Rupert here. Yes. Yes, quite. Thank you. Listen, I was wondering if you could check in on Miss Summers the elder. I wan- What? What do you mean gone?" He removes his glasses, alarmed.

"I didn't receive a letter." He swings around and only then notices the small envelope near the frame of the door. "Wait, I think I do see something." He bends to pick up the note and quickly opens it. "Did she say where she was going?" He scans the contents. "Well, how did she seem?" Relief spreads across his face. "A-alright, Mrs. Lowell, th-thank you. I appreciate your candor. Thank you, yes, goodbye." He re-reads the letter more carefully.

_Giles,_

_I need to get away for a few days, so I've gone down to Leeds. My friend Abby has a quiet place there and I just want to get my head together.__  
__I know you guys are worried, but don't be. I'm fine. Ok, I'm not fine, but I will be. I'm really sorry about hiding everything from you; what I was going through. I mean, I guess I didn't really know myself how much I was hurting. How much I am still hurting. _

_Give me a few days and I promise I'll be right and rainy, or however you put it. Honest, Giles. Don't worry. Please tell Dawn I'm sorry and I love her. You too._

_See you soon,__  
__Buffy _

That's that, then. They'll be gone and back before she even realizes it. And all will be right as rain. God willing.

" I can't imagine the amount of stress you must be under." Fred enters the room and takes a seat next to Willow. Two feet of the black leather couch separates them. Willow turns her ice-blue eyes to the young brunette and offers a wan smile. "I'm...glad that Wes hasn't cornered you with questions about your...well, your..."

"Being all big with the power?" Willow intercedes. Fred gives the Wicca an apologetic smile.

"Um, yeah." She half-laughs. "Sorry, I mean, I hope you don't think that's all we care about. We're really happy to see you, I-I'm really happy to see you." Willow squeezes her hand reassuringly. "I just wish it weren't another crisis. You know?"

"Yeah." Willow shifts her attention back to the window. Fred studies her profile. "How have things been here?" Willow's question catches her off guard.

"Things?" She nervously straightens the hem of her silk skirt. "Things have been...well, I won't say fine, but they've been challenging. Yes, that's the word: Challenging. We're all adjusting to things."

"Adjusting how?" Willow stands and walks over to the window, resting her forehead on the glass and looking down. Fred follows, standing at her side. Her hands flee to the comfort of her lab-coat pockets.

"We're getting used to having so many resources at our disposal, so much knowledge at our fingertips; having a staff of, gosh, hundreds to help us with our work."

"Help you how?"

"How? Well, we utilize the firm's resources to help the helpless, you know: fight the good fight." Fred smiles, but Willow doesn't turn to receive it. Fred steps a little closer, turning her back on the glass, and studies the other woman. "I, um, know what it must look like – from where you're standing: fighting the forces of evil while living and working with evil. We like to think we're changing the system from the inside."

"Really?" Willow swivels her head against the glass and locks gazes with Fred. "How much have you been able to change the system?"

"Well...you...can't expect things to happen overnight. I mean these things take time. We don't expect to affect immediate changes in everything, I mean, the entire system. We do a little at a time."

"Do you ever get confused?" Willow considers the young woman carefully: Her tired eyes, her nervous hands. This is not someone secure with her place in the world.

"Confused? As in...?"

"As in 'what are we doing here working for the most evil corporation known to man?'. Fred..." Willow peers down the length of the building to the ground. "Once when I was a little girl, maybe 4 or 5, I went to visit my father at his office. It was Daddy/Daughter day." Fred pressed her forehead against the glass.

"I'd always wondered where my dad worked and when we walked up to his building, it was a lot like this one, I thought 'cool'."  
Both girls smile.

"We rode up on the elevator. And I'm pretty sure that was the longest ride I'd ever been on in one. It was probably only 15 or 20 floors, but it felt like Charlie's glass elevator: endless, you know? Like we were riding into the sky." She laughs softly. "I guess I half-expected to end up in a chocolate factory."

"What did your dad do?" Fred asks.

"He was...an attorney."

"Wow, really?"

"No. Not really. He was a dentist."

"Oh."

"We'll he was pretty ferocious as a dentist; quoting dental hygiene practices the way some lawyers quote statutes." She offers a wry grin. "He was very opinionated. Always right. Always making decisions for my mom and me. Not listening to our needs." Her head tilts, as if listening to something far away, before she speaks again. "People do that, when they feel responsible. They make decisions for others that aren't always the best."

"I bet that drove you and your mom crazy."

"Well," Willow peers out over the hazy Los Angeles skyline, feeling an uneasy familiarity at being suspended so high above ground. "My mom was an anthropologist, so there was always that lingering but silent argument about who was the 'real' doctor." She sighs. "I think mom was bitter. Dad never really accepted her successes for what they were and he thought all of her 'crackpot theories' about the plight of indigenous peoples was hooey."

"Did he use words like 'hooey'?" Fred smiles wistfully. "My dad did too, but he was usually talking about my scientific interests. He didn't understand them, but he always supported me."  
" Well, I can't say my folks were too proud to find out I was practicing magic." She shrugs." And, you know, the whole dating-a-girl thing just never got mentioned. There was just a river of denial in the  
Rosenberg's home."

"Oh, wow. That's sad." Fred frowns, but offers a comforting pat on the shoulder to the distracted Willow. At the first touch, the Wicca flinches and looks at the quiet girl with something akin to horror on her face. Fred withdraws.

"Something wrong?"

"N-no. No." Willow turns away, clearly disturbed.

They both stare through the glass in silence until the ping announcing their arrival at the 39th floor.

"We're here." Fred smiles nervously. Willow, remembering herself, returns the smile and settles back into easiness with the woman escorting her. She's regretful, sometimes, for the endowments that she has been afforded.

So very sorry.

What's the old saying about a gift? A blessing and a curse.

Giles sits surrounded by papers and books in a myriad of languages. The leather of his seat is warm and comforting; a welcome respite from the frenzy of the last 36 hours.

Across from him, Colin cradles Dawn in his arms like she is something precious. He watches as the young people whisper and comfort one another with small touches. Dawn appears to be as concerned for Colin's well being as he is for hers. Of course, she's seen and been through far more than he, so it makes sense. Giles can only imagine how confusing this all must be for the young apprentice. But he has no doubt that he will do just fine, when events unfold. Not only because of his training and pedigree, but also because of his love for Dawn.

He muses a few moments more, grateful for the chance to see proof that love and human kindness are still thriving in times like these, and then returns to his research. He becomes so engrossed that he doesn't feel Dawn slip into the seat next to his.

"I'm feeling better."

"Oh?" He looks up and smiles. "I'm glad to hear it. You gave us quite a scare." Dawn narrows her eyes at him, curious.

"Sorry about that, but I guess we both know that something big is happening – going to happen." She glances over at a dozing Colin. "I haven't said anything to Colin, but I know what's going on." She turns back to a befuddled Giles.

"You do?" he removes his glasses, and sits forward on his seat. Mindful of Colin, he lowers his voice. "How?"

"I just do. It's Spike."

"Spike? Did he do this to you, somehow? Use you to-"

"No, Giles. Nothing like that. But yes. I mean…we all know that something happened in the Hellmouth. Some of Spike ended up in me and I've been carrying that around with me ever since. And now it's time for him to come back. He's coming back, Giles." She begins to shiver. Concerned, Giles feels her forehead.

"Dawn, are you alright?" He hands her a bottle of spring water and she takes a sip. "Perhaps you'd better lie down."

"No, I'm ok. Just tired, I guess. Listen-" She looks down at her hands, seemingly struggling to find the words. "This is right. Spike coming back is good, Giles. He deserves it. Buffy deserves it and they deserve to be together and to finally have that chance. You know?"

"Well, that would be a miracle, I agree, but what aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing. Just…things could get rough. But, Giles, we have to see it through. Things have to be set right. They just have to." She trails off.

"Dawn?" She doesn't respond. "Dawn? I don't understand. What do you know of this?" She simply stares off. "Dawn. Dawn!" Giles kneels before her, shaking her gently in an attempt to rouse her.  
Colin wakes up immediately and is at her side.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. We were talking and then she just tuned out, as if her mind just wandered away." The two men lift her and lay her on a couch at the side of the cabin, covering her with a blanket. Colin maneuvers a seatbelt and fastens her in, hovering over her protectively.

"What were you talking about?" Giles stands and walks back to his seat.

"Errr. Nothing of importance." He takes a deep breath. "I'm sure she'll be fine once we get to Willow. She'll know what to do, don't worry."  
At least he hopes she does.

"Mr. Giles, this is the cockpit. We've been cleared to land at Los Angeles International." Giles watches as Colin secures himself next to Dawn, who is now sleeping restlessly.  
Willow simply must know what to do.

The light is somehow familiar. Warm and inviting, or at least it should be. Not to her, though. To her it seems like an omen. A sign of the horror to come. Bright and even, as if to say 'you will not miss a single moment of your pain.'

She doesn't want to be in this place, but perhaps…it is as it should be. Maybe everything really will be alright.

**Your time is coming to a close, blasphemer. **

_I'm not afraid. _

**Your fear is irrelevant. However, you were correct. **

_I was? _

**All will be right. And soon. **

_I'm ready._

TBC: Chapter 14 - Gabriel's Message


	15. Gabriel's Message

**Title:** Gabriel's Message - Chapter 14 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is crucial! Pretty please?, I'm beggin' here. ;)  
**Thank you:** Maribel (dusty273), my amazing beta and amazing friend.

**A/N: **The text of the prophecy in this chapter was written by Bloodluvin Girl as part of a challenge she issued on her website.

The Angel Gabriel from heaven came  
His wings as drifted snow, his eyes as flames. -Sting

_The beach is empty, but Buffy doesn't mind. She welcomes the solitude.  
__Things have been so busy lately, what with Dawn starting college and training the girls.  
__It's nice to have some time to think and just 'be'. _

_She strolls along the water; loving the feel of her toes sinking into the warm, wet sand. __Someone is walking towards her. Another young woman. A Blonde. Somewhat Familiar.?_

_Definitely familiar._

_'Lovely day, isn't it?' Such a musical voice. Buffy shades her eyes from the sun and smiles._

_'Yes. Yes, it is.'_

_'Shame to spoil it so.'__ The other woman stops a few feet across from Buffy, and closer to the water. Her back is turned as she looks out over the horizon._

_'Spoil it?' Buffy frowns. She moves closer to the girl, trying to see her face. She seems so familiar. The girl sighs. Arching her foot back and forth through the water, she squints out to the sea._

_'Only for a little while.'__ She turns to face Buffy, who instinctively steps back. 'Hi again.' She smiles. 'Remember me?' Buffy stumbles back, almost losing her balance._

_'You-you're dead.' She looks around, now noticing how perfect the day is. Too perfect. A dream? Or a vision, perhaps. The girl looks down, worrying her fingers._

_'Um…yeah.__ I hope that doesn't freak you out too much's not too alarming. I don't mean to disturb such a sweet dream, but I do need to talk to you.' Buffy bristles, en guardegarde._

_'What do you want.?' Her tone is indignant._

_'Something is going to happen soon, Buffy, and you need to be ready.'_

_'Oh, really.?'__ She turns her back on the apparition of the girl she'd once tried to save and, crossing her arms, puts a few paces between them. Turning back to face her, she presents a mask of indifferenceregards her with a little disgust._

_'So what is it that I have to be prepared for, exactly? I'm done being the Slayer. So if you have some mission-'_

_'Oh, but this is for **you**, Buffy. And you'll always be the Slayer. The chosen Chosen oneOne. Huh. The Chosen One and the one who was chosen.' Cassie laughs lightly, but Buffy frowns, unamused in confusion._

_'Look. , I don't have time for games. If there's trouble coming, and you are, well, you... A-and wWhy you, anyway?'_

_'Why me?'__ Buffy nods. 'Well. I don't know, actually. It's just something that I'm supposed to do, I guess. Help you set things right.'_

_'That's a tall order.' Buffy looks the other woman over from head to toe. She seems so in earnest, but she can't be sure._

_'Yeah, but I don't mind. Gets kinda boring otherwise.'_

_'What does? Strolling around in other people's dreams?' Cassie smiles patiently. She understands some of Buffy's hesitation, but hadidn't expected the anger behind it._

_'No, heaven.'__ She smiles again. Buffy's mouth drops open as tears spring to her eyes._

_Heaven._

**_The warmth._****_ The peace._**

**_Heaven._**

_'You still think about it, don't you?' Cassie moves closer. Buffy wraps her arms around herself, suddenly chilly. The sky has changed from its' summertime blue and dark clouds begin to move in. The winds coming off of the water are gaining in intensitystrength. 'Buffy…you're alive for a reason, don't waste it. Heaven isn't all it's cracked up to be. And you have so much left to do. So much life left to live. If you only knew…'_

_"Well, if you do know, why won't you just tell me? I'm tired of the cryptics.' Buffy snaps. 'Tell me what it is that I'm supposed to do now? I've moved on. I'm not hiding away in my room anymore; I'm ready to live again. I'm ready to really be there for Dawn. I'm ready to…to live.'_

_'Good! That's good! But that's not enough. You need to be ready to fight, Buffy. You've got to fight for what you want. Just a little bit longer. God, Buffy, if you just, ah!'" Cassie is clearly frustrated. She paces back and forth a bit. Buffy takes not of tThe gown she's wearing,. It's bright and colorful, and trails along the water like a shadow. It'sThe bottom is wet and clinging to Cassie's her legs and she is shoeless and natural. Buffy can all but seefeel the serenity inof her soul. She reminds her of-_

_'Tara.' Cassie stops and turns to her. 'I remind you of Tara.'_

_'Yes. Ho-how did you…?'_

_'Maybe I am her, a little. And Cassie. And Joyce.'_

_'Mom?'_

_'Buffy-'' she moves close to her and sighs. 'I know you've been through a lot, but you have to believe that I am not a threat to you. I am only here to help you. To guide you. I can't tell you exactly what is going to happen; I can only say that you need to go to Angel.'_

_'Angel?' Buffy extricates herself from the woman. 'Why? What does he have to do with anything? Is he in trouble?'_

_'No, nothing like that.'__ Cassie smiles. 'It's just where you need to be at the moment. Go to L.A. Promise me.'_

_'How do I even know it this is real? That you're real? And if you're real, how do I trust you?'_

_'Buffy, come now. You know.' Cassie smiles again and Buffy feels a calm move through her, not unlike Willow's presence._

_'Will I…um. Do you know if I'll ever go back? Will I ever be done?' Cassie takes her hands._

_'Someday, yes, of course. But you have a long, happy life ahead of you, I promise, if you fight for it. Fight for your family, Buffy. Don't let them get away.' Buffy nods as tears form inalls from her eyes. The sky calms, but night is coming. Cassie hugs Buffy and then turns to walk away. She stops and looks back._

_'Be brave, Slayer.' She looks at the darkening sky. 'Black the day and fires bright. New his heart with golden light. Welcome in a broken soul. Old, but new with tarnished veil.' Buffy steps towards her as she fades away._

_'What?' She scans the area. 'Wait! What did you say?'_

Buffy awakes with a start.

"Damned slayer Slayer dreams." She rolls over and glares at the red letters of the alarm clock. 3:33 am. "Guess I'm stopping by Angel's on the way home." She fluffs her pillow and settles back down. "Hope he's not too evil."

-------------------------------------------------------

"How's your Italian?"

Wesley looks up to see Willow standing in the door of his office. He offers her the text he'd been consulting as she enters the room.

She sits across the desk from him, noting the scattered papers, scribbled-upon notebooks and ancient tomes.

"It's 'eh'." She smiles, taking the book from his hands. "Usually, I can pick through any language, if the words that are Latin-based. Did you find something?"

"I'm not sure." Wes flips through the pages of his legal pad. "Here, look at this." Willow leans in to read. "I found some text concerning the amulet, and it referred to a-a prophecy-"

"Not another prophecy."

"Sorry?" Wesley looked up at her, perplexed.

"Never mind, old joke." Willow grinned. "Continue."

"Yes, well, apparently there's a prophecy tied to the charm itself. It was crafted to bring back the religious advisor of an Italian prince in the 14th century." He pointed to the text in question and turned back to his notes for the translations. "I found the original Italian, which was then translated into German. This book is from Germany, but it claims to contain the original text. So I've been trying to translate that."

Willow turns the book fully around, reading aloud.

_"Black the day and fires bright  
New his heart with golden light  
Welcome in a broken soul  
Old but new with tarnished veil  
Trust and hope both given free  
A lingering touch will let them see  
An evil comes with heart of coal  
End of all with wicked tale  
When the two come whole be done  
Evermore will see the sun  
Two will carry out this role  
Listen well or all will fail  
Peace will last for but a time  
But lose and all will be for nigh_

"Hmm."

"As I said, my Italian isn't perfect, but-"

"No, this makes sense. Nice job." Willow smiles and hands the book back.

Wes returns the smile and takes it from her. He is transfixed. She emanates such power, that it makes him giddy. It doesn't go unnoticed.

"Did you want to ask me anything?" She leans back in her chair and grins.

"Pardon?" He blushes. "Oh, sorry. It's just that- you're so different from when I last saw you. Not to mention everything that's come to light about your…abilities since then. It's quite fascinexhilarating, really."

"You Watchers are all alike." She laughs and he joins her, embarrassed. "I promise, I'll tell you anything you want to know – if I am able – after we get through this. First, I need to prepare." She stands and he follows, ready to assist.

"Of course. What do you need?"

"Giles and Dawn should be here shortly. I need a room without windows, do you have somewhere in the basement maybe?"

"Yes, you'll have access to anything you need." He grabs a pen and pad and jots down her instructions. "I'll see to this right away."

"Thanks. Make sure no one opens the box with the amulet until I do."

"Why?" Angel walks in on the tail end of their conversation.

"Dawn. I don't want her exposed to it unless absolutely necessary."

"So you do believe that she is tied to it, somehow."

"No, not to it, but to Spike." Angel begins a slow pacing, running his hand through his hairacross the back of his neck.

"I don't like this. And Does Buffy know about all of it? Where is she, anyway?"

"She'll know when she's ready. Right now, she's far from ready." She ignores the second part of his question.

"Why isn't she ready? What's been going on over there?" He stops in front of her.

"Nothing that should concern you. We're looking after her. It's just that I want Dawn and Spike and everything else to be alright and over with before I tell her. I just want to avoid any unnecessary pain."

"One thing I do know about Buffy, she doesn't want to be protected. She can handle herself, Willow. She's strong."

"Yes, she is. But even the strongest warrior has an Achilles' heel." Willow looks off, remembering the events of the past year. "Buffy has two."

"Dawn and Spike." Wes offers. She nods, turning to look at him.

"Yeah, Dawn and Spike. And they're both in danger of being lost forever." She turns back to Angel. "She can't help with this. And there's nothing she hates more than feeling helpless. So why would I put her through that?" He sagshrugs, defeated. "It's better this way."

"Maybe. I just hope, for your sake, she sees it that way. Especially if things don't turn out the way you hope they do. She'dll never forgive you." Willow looks so sad that both Wes and Angel look away.

"Don't think I haven't thought of that, Angel. If I can't pull this off, you're right. She'll never forgive me. I'll lose her for good, I know."

"Willow, for what it's worth, I firmly believe you can bring Spike back and protect Dawn. And you know we'll use whatever is at our disposal to help." He Wes places a hand of comfort on her shoulder. She smiles with gratitude but looks at Angel.

"Yeah. You're a goddess, right?" He grins half-heartedly.

"Well-" Wes walks towards the door. "If you're ready, I can show you the room and begin making preparations."

"Harmony called; the driver just picked up Giles and the others at the airport. I'll ask Fred to meet them in the lobby." Angel follows Wes and Willow to the door. "Let's get this show on the road."

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Giles, but isn't this-?"

"The den of immorality? The axis of evil? The embodiment of all that is unholy and wrong in the universe? Oh, hello Angel."

"Giles."

TBC: Chapter 15 – If you love somebody, set them free


	16. If you love somebody, set them free

**Title:** If you love somebody, set them free - Chapter 15 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary:** Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution:** Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. **Thank you:** Maribel dusty273, my amazing beta and amazing friend.  
**A/N:** This is a relatively short chapter, but necessary for the doozy that's coming. Enjoy!

If it's a mirror you want, just look into my eyes  
Or a whipping boy, someone to despise  
Or a prisoner in the dark  
Tied up in chains you just can't see  
Or a beast in a gilded cage  
That's all some people ever want to be  
-Sting

**If you love somebody, set them free **

He'll never get used to it. He knows this probably isn't even real, but oh…

Spike stretches his sun-kissed skin and relishes in having to squint to see Cassie as she approaches him on the beach. The sun frames her golden hair, making her appear more angelic than usual. He offers her a bright smile, but she doesn't return it. She seems somehow forlorn, and he sits up as she kneels down beside him on the blanket. Not looking at him, instead she turns her face to the sky and closes her eyes, inviting the warmth of this seeming summer day to permeate her melancholy.

"What is it, love?"

His concern always touches her. She finally gives him the smile he's been wanting, and he doesn't disappoint. The joy of his time in this plane has infected her. Before him, she was alone. Lonely. But being with him, as he is awakening, is like seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. Everything amazes him; everything amuses and delights him. He doesn't even ask for Buffy as often; his mind drifting away from his mortality like an orchid on a gentle but insistent stream.

That concerns her, but He has assured her that Spike will be fine once he returns to the world. She'd seen others, Tara, for instance, that didn't hold on to their pasts. Not for long, anyway. It is easier that way, He said. It isn't natural to hold onto pain after mortal death. Tara had learned quickly to let go. She was special. Very special.

Cassie smiles.

"That's better." He wiggles his toes in the sand and waggles his eyebrows simultaneously. It makes her laugh. He gives her a peck on the cheek.

"Much better." She agrees, her eyes dancing merrily with his. If only he could stay, she wouldn't be so alone. And just as quickly as it had come, her mirth is gone. Spike frowns now, sensing her need to be serious.

"Why the long face?" She shrugs and turns to face the sea. "Something happened? You need me to help with anything? 'Cause, I tell you, all this lying about is alright but I've been feeling kind of useless. So if you need anything…"

"I just had to do something unpleasant." He moves closer to hear her.

"Unpleasant?"

"Yeah. I don't really like telling people to move on, but it's the only way they get to where they're supposed to be. I mean, I know it's the right thing to do and all, but still…"

"It sucks bursting someone's bubble." She nods in agreement. "But, you have to do it, right? Otherwise, people would just follow the wrong dream or keep up false hope or whatever, right?"

"Yeah." She sighs long and hard. "It's still a bitch to do." She looks off down the beach the way that she'd come from. To where she'd left Buffy, on another plane, anyway.

"How'd you get this gig?" He offers her a bowl of fruit he'd been snacking on earlier. "Are you an angel-in training or something?" She barks a laugh.

"Hardly." She takes a bite of a strawberry. He follows the movements of her mouth. "Spike?"

"Hmmm?" He blushes. "Sorry."

"How about a swim?" She stands and pulls the gown over her head, revealing a modest swimsuit. Spike jumps up and bounces backwards on the balls of his feet.

"Last one in 's a rotten egg!"

"What are you, two?" She giggles.

"Depends," he replies before darting towards the water. Cassie laughs aloud, clasping her hands together in glee.

_Does he have to go back so soon?_

**I'm sorry, my dear Cassie. **

She dashes after the overgrown toddler, resigned to losing the only companion she's had.

Willow checks the circle. The ash smells faintly of sandalwood and cedar, a combination that's always given her a sense of calm control. For some reason, today it isn't having its desired effect.

Perhaps the weight of what she is about to attempt is finally catching up to her. Perhaps she feels some hesitation, knowing what could happen. What will likely happen. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the luxury of indulging in her own insecurities. She is the definitive authority figure now, not Giles and not Buffy.

She lifts the hem of her robe and steps into the circle, feeling the tension of the barrier test her and then relent, allowing her to pass with only a whisper of protest. Walking the circumference, she knows that she is really only stalling now. Everything is in place. Everyone is at the ready, awaiting her word to begin.

Willow turns to find Giles staring at her, as if reading her mind. She smiles and he nods. Her voice echoes throughout the room.

"Resplendent Lady, Goddess of the Starry Vault, Goddess of Magic, give us your blessing! Give us your ear that we may say what pleases thee. Show us the way."

"Show us the way." Giles and Wesley echoed her last words. A low wind howls through the room, giving everyone pause.

"Hecate, the Beauteous, you I invoke." Willow is shouting over the increasing roar. "You, of heaven, of earth, and sea as well! I entreat, O Maiden, your presence in this sacred circle!"

Giles, Wes, Angel and Gunn make up four points of a square outside the circle, representing the box.

Behind them, Colin stands guard over a weak Dawn who shivers in her seat. Fred stands across from them holding the book open that Willow will need for the ritual.

Willow takes in the entire scene. All eyes are upon her, looking eagerly toward the display of power she must show to fulfill this prophecy. To correct the wrong that was done in the cavern. She takes a deep breath as her eyes fall again on Dawn. Seeming to sense her attention, Dawn becomes lucid and stands, with Colin's aid, to face the luminous goddess-like creature that Willow has become. Her long, silky hair whips in the wind.

"It's time?" Dawn's voice sounds hollow, but her eyes glow a fiery gold.

"Yes." Willow whispers in reply. "It is, Dawnie." She holds out her hand and Giles gives her the box containing the amulet. She pulls it close to her breast, taking a deep breath, and then opens it.

TBC - Chapter 16: The Change


	17. The Change

**Title:** The Change - Chapter 16 of How Many Days  
**Disclaimer:** Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to, dammit!  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other  
**Summary: **Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'  
**Distribution: **Anywhere you like, just let me know.  
**Feedback:** is welcome. xionin at beautiful-freak dot com  
**Thank you:** Maribel dusty273, my amazing beta and amazing friend.  
**A/N:** Finally, eh? I know, I know...LOL Alright, the fun begins. Hang on for the ride!

Don't know if I am here or there don't even really know my name  
Am I holding on am I holding on will it always be the way  
And the lips that kiss can also kill  
The touch of love can take your soul  
-The Police

The Change

Buffy knows that something is amiss the moment she steps through the door, moving from the comfortable warmth of the California sun and into and artificially frigid interior. It's just the way they look at her, like fresh meat; a lemming to their cliff. Sheep for their slaughter.

She does a quick survey of her surroundings - the garish brightness of the lights, the circles of colorful rags on steel rings and the beady eyes that follow her every move, from the first second that she enters.

Her eyes land on a tall, faux-brown man whose unabashed leering makes her skin crawl and her jaw clench. His blue-black hair is thick with gel, or perhaps oil, and it seems to have dripped onto his toothy grin. She braces herself for the inevitable.

"Hello, miss." As if it were possible, his smile becomes more repugnant as he approaches her.

Salesmen.

"Um, hi." Buffy can fake-smile with the best of them. She offers her brightest. "I was wondering how much that red bag is in the window? It looks like a Kate Spade, but I don't think it's…"

"Why _yeeess_. It is an au_then_tic Kate Spade." He breezes by her, and she can almost count how many ounces of Old Spice he used during his morning's ablutions; six, if he used a drop. "We have many fine, fine Kate Spade bags, miss, in any color you can imagine." He stops abruptly, turning back to offer a knowing grin and lowers his voice as if sharing a secret he doesn't want the only other customer to hear. "Red is the hot color this season, that's why the high end stores charge more for it. But for you," he eyes her head to toe, lingering in the middle somewhere. Buffy's nostrils flare with annoyance and he offers a semi-apologetic smile. "For you, miss, I will cut you a deal." He winks.

"Thanks." She deadpans as he hands her the objet du désir.

"So, emmm, what say you to $79?" He hovers over her as she inspects it. "It's a bargain, you must agree."

"Yeah, that's not bad. Wait, this says Katie." Buffy shoves the bag into the man's face and he flinches.

"Yes, it is an original Katie Spade, miss." His smile is beginning to wither.

"But the designer's name isn't _Katie_, it's Kate. You're trying to sell me a knock-off!" Buffy moves towards him and he backs away in time with her steps.

"No no no, miss, I would never do such a thing. This here's a genuine Kate Spade, it's, um…just an irregular piece." Seeing the wheels turning in her head, he halts his retreat. "See, when they manufacture these for Ms. Spade, they sometimes make mistakes. So they sell them to shops like mine for less money."

Buffy ceases her glowering, taking a moment to ponder his logic. Sensing a victory, the man continues.

"So you see, since I get a deal, I can pass the savings on to customers like yourself." He bows slightly, as if to say 'tada!' Buffy inspects the seams on the piece.

"This looks like glue." She points to one corner where a spot of clear glue has dried into a ball.

"Don't be silly!" He grabs it from her, attempting to remove the offensive mark while still moving in for the kill. "It's probably from the packing box. Listen, miss, this is quality craftsmanship." He gives the bag a bit of showcasing that would make Vannah envious. "The same as you would see in Macy's or Bloomingdales, yes? Trust me, you won't regret it."

Squinting her eyes at him, Buffy takes the bag back and resumes her inspection.

"$50." She looks up at him and he laughs.

"Are you kidding? I really can't go below $70."

"Ok, $60. But that's my final offer." She arches her eyebrow for emphasis.

"I'm sorry, no can do. I have a family to feed. I have all of these employees to pay." He gestures towards his idle staff as if to prove his point.

"Well, do you feel like paying fines? 'Cause I'm pretty sure the authorities wouldn't mind a tip on some of this _Gooci_ and _Proda_ stuff you've got in here." She fingers a few of the other handbags on display. "What's that called; trademark something?"

"$50 will do fine, miss." The salesman's disgust is very thinly disguised, if at all, but Buffy beams triumphantly. She hands him a crisp, new $50 bill and clutches her prize with girlish glee.

"No need for a shopping bag." She smiles brightly. "Save a plastic tree."

"Thank you, do…come again."

"Sure!" She bounces out the door, leaving the man in a cloud of revulsion. Hopping back into her car, she grins to herself. Buffy starts the car, pulls out of the parking lot and signals her turn onto Interstate 10, heading east. Next stop, Hopefully-Not-Too-Evil Angel's.

Nothing follows-up bargain hunting like visiting an old flame.

--------------------------------------------

Willow's fingers are burning. She can almost feel the flesh cooking beneath her alabaster skin.

_Goddess please help me_, she silently prays. The enormity of what she is attempting to do has her stomach in knots. But outwardly, she is cold steel.

Then the wind stops. There is a confused silence in the group as the amulet dangles unremarkably from Willow's white fingers.

Dawn, who had been peeking through one golden eye, steps towards her. The witch's pale face is scrunched with uncertainty.

"Um…w-wasn't there, I mean…I thought it was working," Gunn inquires, but holds his place in the circle. Wes's trained eyes scan the room looking for any sign of the power that had been there. Angel is standing rigid; tense with anticipation. All is very quiet and very still.

"Too still." Giles warns. Colin murmurs an agreement.

"Shhh." Willow's low command hangs in the air as a collective hush develops. The amulet begins to swing in an arc from her fingers. From her to Dawn and back and forth. Back and forth. Back. Forth. All eyes follow the movement. Dawn reaches a tentative hand towards the object, the light from her eyes glowing and dimming in time with the thing.

---------------------------------------------

The sun is shining. The ocean is warm. Spike cannot recall this level of bliss. He doesn't know what he's done to deserve it; can't remember if perhaps he had done something worthy of this simple but glorious life. He knows he wouldn't trade it for the wide world. Laughter bubbles out from the center of his chest and, by the time Cassie reaches him in the water, he has flipped onto his back in a Dead Man's Float. He is truly happy. There's nothing above him but blue, blue sky. Cassie splashes him and it startles him out of his basking.

With a wicked gleam and a snarling smile, he marks his prey. Poised for an attack on his giggling companion, he is taken aback by the sudden look of panic in her eyes.

"Cass?"

Around where he treads, the water slowly changes from sea greens and blues to a brilliant yellow. Her eyes slide into his and he can see the tears forming in them. She offers a thin smile and a wilted wave. He looks down into the golden waters.

Then everything in his world turns black.

TBC - Chapter 17 - When the Angels Fall


End file.
